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I heard the elation from my coaches and teammates before I saw the score. I looked up at the board and a massive grin spread across my face.
I had qualified for Compulsory with flying colors, even earning a few medals for myself and for the team.
I. Qualified. For. Compulsory.
Holy. Shit.
The feeling inside, the joy, the pure excitement and satisfaction of seeing I'd done it, was all too much to explain. I was rushed by my team and coaches congratulating me. The hard work, the grueling and demanding hours, had paid off and I couldn't be happier.
With one half of the meet behind me, all I needed to do now was do it all over again, but with different routines. Then, I would officially be elite.
I could do it. I just had to make sure I held back the tears of excitement until it was all over.
Chapter Forty-Three
When something is too good to be true, it usually is.
It was much later in the evening when I began to test for Optionals. Three events down, I had one to go. I couldn’t stop checking the scoreboard this time around for some reason, the nagging feeling in my gut persisted with each passing minute.
Damn nerves. My hands trembled, and I had a raging headache, all caused by myself. My anxiety was through the roof.
My scores had been good, they were where I needed them to be, just not incredible like I had hoped for. I strived to be better, the best, but I was too close to teetering the line between qualifying and not qualifying. A balance check away from everything slipping.
r /> I realized my best wasn't good enough for me. And the fear of that, never being enough, was as strong as ever. It took control of my emotions and I began replaying the events I already completed, wondering if I had given my all like I thought I did.
I released a deep sigh of criticism. "I could've done more."
"Could you have? Truly have done more?"
I stared at the floor, my next and last event, contemplating his words. "I think so. Everyone could always do more."
"You are not giving yourself credit. Your routines are much harder this time around, which means more deductions," Kova said when he saw the worried look on my face. "It is not easy."
All I could do was glare at him with flat lips.
His voice grew stern. "You are letting fear mock you, Adrianna. Do not let it win." He paused. "Where is this coming from, anyway?"
I said nothing. I wasn't sure where my feelings were coming from.
Kova shook his head. "If you still feel that way when this is all over, then when you walk into practice Monday morning you make up for it. Give me all you got, and I will take it and more. I promise you, I will take you for everything you are worth, but do not let your emotions soar so high that you lose it all in a ninety second routine. That fear will make you fail. Do not fail."
I gave him a long blink.
"I believe in you," he whispered low, only for my ears.
The corner of his eyes crinkled, and the candidness shook me. He meant it. Hand to his chest, he said again, "I believe in you." His cheeks turned a slight scarlet and his mouth twitched.
His declaration, the faith padding each word, his undying devotion to me and the sport. It was all there. It gave me chills to have someone in my corner rallying behind me the way he was.
I wasn't sure what happened, but something deep inside me shifted. The fear that had consumed my attention like a foggy, misty cloud that threatened to smother me lifted into thin air and dissolved. It scurried at the sound of conviction, the confidence too strong to be held down. I swallowed back my emotions and nodded, nodding at what, I wasn't sure, but agreeing with whatever he was putting off.
I relied on him more than I knew.
"Shake it out," he said gently. Kova clutched my shoulders and massaged them, coaxing me to loosen up. I released an extremely long, tension filled breath.
"Good. Now get out there and show me what you got. I did not spend all that time molding you into the perfect gymnast for nothing."
I gave him a droll stare. "Way to ruin the moment, Kova."
