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Chills zipped down my spine.
I was frozen to the core.
My jaw bobbed up and down. I tried to say ten different sentences at once but all I could muster was huge eyes and a tied tongue.
"My…my mother? But…" I stammered, my head was spinning, and I reached behind me to grab the arm of the chair and sat down. Bile rose in my throat. I looked to my dad, begging for help, then back at my mom as her words echoed in my head in that sickening, slimy tone she used. I searched her eyes for the truth.
Xavier's eyes hardened, and they scared me more than Dad’s. "Did you just call my sister a slut?" he asked, leaning forward with his head tilted to the side, demanding to know if he'd heard right.
"You will not speak of my daughter in that manner!" Dad’s boisterous voice boomed across the room. His white-knuckled fist slammed onto the table.
Mom snickered again and took a long sip, swallowing half the contents in one gulp, then held the glass near her face. She traced her bottom lip with the pad of her ring finger, her eyes trained solely on me.
"I know you're not talking about Adrianna like that," Xavier said.
"I'm warning you, Joy, do not do this because you're angry with me. Go take a nap or something."
Xavier grabbed Mom’s boney upper arms. She tried to yank herself away, but her vodka went flying and splashed onto the floor.
"Mom, you're drunk. Just stop," my brother pleaded as Dad reached them. Mom wasn't going anywhere. A scuffle started between the three. Words were thrown around and it was a clear effort to reel her in and stop her before it was too late.
I dazed off and stared at the marble floor. A slide show of moments flashed through my head, all scenes of my life when I questioned her actions, her comments, her coldness toward me. How I was nothing like her, how I could never be what she wanted, no matter how much I tried. I never did right. I was never enough. How my dad always had my back, how he gave me whatever I wanted and often disagreed with her.
I was beginning to pant at the realization. I couldn't breathe.
No…it couldn't be true.
She didn't mean it. She was just upset.
I looked up and scanned her bleach blonde hair. She had naturally dark roots, so I never questioned the hair, or the color of her eyes, or how our opinions were never on the same page. I never thought to. Many families were like mine with visible differences. Many mothers and daughters didn't get along.
"I'm done trying to keep this family together," she spat at Dad. "Done trying to make us look good when all you want is to ruin this name! I'm done covering up your lies and years of infidelity and making me out to be a fool. It's over! Over! The truth is coming out. You're nothing but a fake bastard!" she screamed like a woman scorned. Never in my life had I seen her behave like this before. But the more I heard Dad yell, and the more I heard my brother beg her to stop, the more it became painfully real. Through blurry eyes, I watched them struggle.
"Ah, I see you put two and two together." She looked directly at me. "You're a little whore, just like your real mother was, trying to seduce men who aren't yours, take what's not yours. It's bad enough this family is a lie, a mockery, but I refuse to be shamed and disgraced in front of the world any longer. I went to the ends of the earth to cover up your father’s accident sixteen years ago because I loved him, but I refuse to do it for you."
His accident…meaning me. My accident…meaning my affair with my coach.
She did it because she loved him, but she wouldn't lie any longer.
She wouldn’t go to ends of the earth for me because she didn't love me.
She had never loved me.
And the worst part of all, after all these years, deep down I had never felt like I had a mother's love either.
"Mom…" Xavier said softly, heartbroken. He let go of her arms and stood as shocked as I was.
My heart dropped into my gut. Air seized my lungs. I wasn’t sure how much more I could handle. Her cruelness knew no bounds. The woman I knew only as my mother was a monster clothed in Chanel and draped in diamonds.
I was going to be sick. I gripped the arm of the chair and held my stomach with my other hand. Nausea spun like a tornado through me, the vomit climbing up my throat. Any second I was going to lose it.
"How dare you hurt her like that," Dad said, danger coating his every word. "She's our daughter."
"She's not my daughter and she never will be. I never wanted her. I can't stand her! She was your assistant's daughter! Your assistant who was a fucking loser, worthless, and no good. All she had to do was spread her little virgin legs and you went running." She sneered and continued. "A loser who you paid off to keep her mouth shut and disappear. But I'm the loser, too, because you paid me to play house and pretend that Adrianna was mine, didn't you?"
I couldn't take anymore, I needed to get away.
"Mom…" Xavier's voice cracked, but his eyes were a fury of rage. My gaze dropped to his hands. They were balled into fists, the whites of his cracked knuckles showing. "This isn't Adrianna's fault. Why are you doing this to her?"
