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But Avery
was a different story altogether. Her lies and deceit hurt more than anything.
A gust of wind blew past me and I inhaled the salt air deep into my lungs. I would rebuild myself from here. It was just going to take a minute or two.
As much as I wanted to talk to Avery, I needed to speak with Kova first. What happened between my best friend and my brother wouldn't bear an impact on my life the way the secret of Kova and me would.
Exhaling a heavy breath, I picked up my cell phone and dusted off the tiny grains of sand. I was about to delete the text messages but decided against it. I needed to reread them to see what she saw through her eyes.
I also needed to change my passcode.
I dialed Kova's number and pressed the phone to my ear. After two rings, it went straight to voice mail.
I sulked. Maybe his phone had died, or the call didn't go through, or the signal was lost. I dialed again, this time it rang three times before being abruptly cut off. I tried once more and got one ring.
Pulling the phone away, I glanced down at the blank screen…
Kova had hit the fuck you button on me.
A somberness settled quietly over me. Tears prickled my eyes. The feeling of being unwanted and alone struck me and I retreated a little bit, nestling myself further into the sand, into myself. My emotions climbed as fast as my rising chest, further and further until tears blurred my vision and the waves rolled into a mirage before me.
I didn't know what to do. I was breaking inside, the pain in my chest squeezing until I could barely breathe.
I tried Kova one last time.
And once again, he rejected the call, which both puzzled me and angered me all the same. If he saw me calling more than once, and repeatedly like I was, then he had to know there was a serious matter at hand, right?
I pulled the phone away and swallowed back my tears. I would not cry. Against my better judgement, I sent him a three-worded text that would sure catch his attention this time.
Me: My mom knows.
He called immediately. And immediately, I hit the fuck you button.
I smiled to myself and wiped away the lone tear that fell. It felt good to reject him. He called a few more times and each time I shut him down. I bet he was regretting his actions now.
You get what you give. Asshole.
As I sat staring at the ocean clearing my thoughts and seeking guidance, I didn't turn around when I felt the presence of someone behind me. There were only a handful of people who knew about this spot on the beach that I liked to visit. I figured it was my brother…
But it was Avery.
I pulled my knees tighter to my chest, my mouth a firm, thin line. She didn't sit down, and I didn't look up. Her milky legs were in my view, visibly shaking and unusually skinny.
"Adrianna," she said, her voice sounded cracked and so brokenhearted that I almost caved. She was my best friend after all. But I didn't concede. It was the biggest struggle of my life not to turn to her. I just swallowed and continued to stare straight ahead.
"Please, Adrianna, let me explain." When I didn't acknowledge her, she said, "I'm so sorry."
She purposely left me in the dark when I'd entrusted my secrets to her, ones so grave they could send people to jail and ruin lives. Avery didn't return the same courtesy, and that's what hurt so profoundly that I wasn't sure how to talk to her without lashing out first. She had to assume I’d object to the relationship to never come to me. She was right. I would have. Even still, she should've come to me. I shouldn't have had to find out through my drunk mother. She didn't deserve the pain I knew full well Xavier probably dished out to her. I would have done everything in my power to keep her from experiencing it. We were closer than that and I wanted to shield her from his playboy ways. I loved her.
"Please…" she said, shaking as she crossed her legs and sat down to face me. I had to wonder if she still would've gone through with the relationship knowing I’d be against it. My gut said yes.
I sighed inwardly and glanced around. On top of everything, she’d had an abortion, and it made me wonder if Joy had wanted my real mom to abort me too. I shook my head in disbelief. She probably did given how much animosity she's had toward me since day one.
The knot in my throat grew and became painfully hard to swallow when Avery’s cold hand rested on my forearm. Her fingers looked small and dainty. A sharp pain shot through my chest. With the amount of times my heart rate picked up in the past few months, I was going to need to see a cardiologist soon. I felt bad for Avery, but I was so hurt and angry that I didn't know how to open up and let her in.
"I can explain everything if you just give me the chance."
God. I wanted to give her the chance, but I couldn't see past the pain. Not even when she scooted forward and wrapped her boney arms around my shoulders, and dropped her head onto my arms and cried. Her knees were smooshed alongside mine and her entire body trembled with each intake of air she took.
