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My chest caved in and I struggled for oxygen as my eyes locked onto Kova's grief-stricken eyes that were begging, literally begging me for forgiveness.
Kova was married. No. There was no way in hell he would marry, let alone leave me in the dark for everyone to know but me. He wasn't that cruel.
Tears tickled my eyes, my jaw ached with a pain so severe I fought to conceal my emotions. Kova subtly shook his head but I ignored it.
I didn't understand why he was shaking his head no, but I refused to allow this bombshell to mess with my focus. I refused. Not after how far I'd come.
Feet together in the corner, I made an effort to complete another tumbling pass…but I couldn't. My foggy mind wouldn't let me. I ended up executing a skill, something so simple and almost mundane for my level, then got back in line, totally empty inside.
I couldn't help myself and I shot a brief glance over my shoulder toward Kova. His eyes were already looking for me and all I could think was, you married her.
His burning green eyes held my gaze for a long moment and the stone-cold conviction in them made me look away.
It told me everything I needed to know. Everything.
Kova, was in fact, married.
Chapter Sixty-One
I forced myself to look in the opposite direction to hide the anguish in my eyes.
Kova was married and I was the last to know.
"So they got married two days ago?" I asked Reagan, mumbling out the question.
"No, I only found out two days ago." I looked at her with curious eyes to see if she knew when. "Apparently, they married a few months ago," she whispered.
I gasped. A knot the size of a tennis ball lodged in my throat, my hand flew to my pounding chest.
A few months ago? That couldn't be right. Because if it were, then Kova had ample amount of time to tell me he was in fact married to Katja, and he hadn't. I didn't even know they were engaged.
Not only that, he'd had sex with me just last night. I still had his semen in me.
I tried so hard not to cry. Why would I? He hadn’t promise me anything, and I shouldn't have expected anything other than truth and honesty because we weren’t anything anyway, so it shouldn't hurt me, but it did. Never in a million years did I see this coming. Kova should've been the one to look me in the eye and break my heart. I shouldn't have had to find out through the grapevine, he should've told me he was going to ask Katja to marry him.
But he hadn't, and I didn't know what to think about that.
I looked at the lobby again and stepped aside to let Reagan go so I could see for myself. I had to see the ring, that would make it official.
It just so happened that Madeline moved to the side to come back into the gym…
And I saw the massive multi-diamond engagement ring and blaring gold wedding band that could not be mistaken for anything else other than a woman who's very much married.
My blurry eyes shot to Kova's. He looked utterly heartbroken, devastated, it was obvious he felt horrible, but I didn't feel bad for him. I wouldn't let myself, even though it was hard not to when I was tied to him in ways that I wasn't sure could ever be severed, no matter how hard I tried.
Kova had betrayed me.
In this moment, I knew there was no way I could feel bad for him with how desolate I felt inside. There was no way, when he didn't give a shit about me.
I wanted to crawl inside a hole, light myself on fire, and die a painful death.
I didn't have any emotion left to give; my entire being had been sucked dry. I just couldn’t. Kova should've been man enough to tell me the truth. I mean, he's had months to at least try and tell me, and yet he never did. I was breaking inside. Just when I thought I couldn't possibly feel any more pain than I did when I learned the truth about my mother, this topped it all. Kova destroyed me, and I was the stupid girl who let him.
My mind went back to last night when he was deep inside me and repeating the words in Russian.
Oh God. Was he telling me way more at the time and I didn't realize it? I'd been too lost with trying to help him ease his pain that I hadn't thought about anything else. I was going to be sick. I'd meant to look up the words but I'd forgotten.
I should've known. I really should have known. I knew Kova expressed himself through touch,
