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I shrugged, shaking my head. My eyes focused on the long strip of white caps curling into crashing waves. I loved the sound of the roaring ocean kissing the shore. The beach usually helped me clear my head, but this time…this time was different. I was a mess. I didn't know how to answer Avery's question without throwing out a handful of adjectives.
"Honestly, I don’t know. I'm usually pretty good with blocking things out so I don't allow myself to hurt, but this is different. I told myself I wouldn't let it bother me, but the truth is I feel everything, Ave. Every word, every action, every touch. I feel like I was sliced and diced into pieces without a single care. I'm so close to breaking down and I don't want to." I exhaled a heavy breath. "There are moments when my sanity is close to the surface and it's mocking me. I hate this jittery feeling, this feeling of unease."
"If it helps, by the looks of it, no one would ever guess you have too much chaos raging inside of you. I'd say you're doing a pretty good job."
"I wish I could be more like you and say fuck it all and not give a damn. So careless and free. That's what I admire most about you, you know. The ability to brush things off and go with the flow and not let it affect you."
Avery's face slipped as she pulled away, but I'd caught it. She reached between us and scooped up a pile of sand into her palm, then let the little grains fall through her fingers. "It's tough acting the part, you know?" Her voice softened. "Some days I feel like I'm fading inside while wearing a flawless smile. I have no motivation… I don't even know who I am sometimes or if anything matters anymore."
The hair on the back of my neck rose. Her voice was thin and raw, so unlike her, and it concerned me. I had a gut feeling when I couldn't get ahold of her that something was going on. It wasn't like Avery to completely ignore me.
"Ave, what's going on?"
She was quiet for a long minute. "Just thinking of past shit, you know?"
Something dawned on me. "How are you and your boyfriend doing? Am I ever going to learn his name? I think I’ve earned it after everything I’ve told you." I nudged her arm.
She popped up and gave me a megawatt smile, like what she said didn't even happen.
"Well, you still need to be dressed to kill, your mother wouldn't have it any other way."
I agreed. A brow lifted to a point the same time one corner of her mouth tugged up. Her eyes glittered with mischief. I knew that look.
"How about we go the extra mile?"
Chapter Ten
Between the gala and Christmas, time flew and before I knew it, New Year's Eve was here.
I'd managed to make time for therapy on my Achilles and a quick run here and there, but not much for anything else. The winter holidays were usually a hectic ordeal in my family, so I savored the last few minutes of peace in my bed before I had to get moving.
Mom had been more than pleased with the Eli Saab dress I'd picked out and couldn't stop showing me off at the gala the other night.
Isn't Ana turning into a stunning young lady? She's so beautiful and training in gymnastics at a top gym here in Florida. Turn around so we can see you. Look how gorgeous my daughter is, while fluffing up my hair.
I hated when she did that. Like she was offering me up for marriage. A rare diamond. Look but don't touch.
Aside from a quick text I sent Kova wishing him a Merry Christmas, I hadn’t spoken with him since I left Cape Coral. He'd gracefully responded with, Merry Christmas to you as well, Ria.
Ria. That nickname sent my heart into a dizzy spiral every damn time. I could hear the lilt of his accent, feel it stroking my skin as I read it. And I'd read it numerous times, anticipating the bubble would pop up with more text. But it hadn't. It was an irrational hope, considering everything that had occurred. For someone who'd been my constant morning, noon, and night, I'd grown used to Kova's presence. It was unusual not having him around and I missed it.
Hayden and Holly arrived late last night. They'd been home in Ohio when I'd sent the text about spending New Year’s with me. Dad spoke with their parents, then made a few calls to have their plane tickets rerouted to Palm Beach International Airport. They flew in on the red-eye and were currently sleeping in the guest house.
Two light taps sounded on my door before it was pushed open.
"Mornin'," Xavier said, his voice sounded like he’d smoked a pack of cigarettes in an hour. He looked like he hadn't gone to bed yet.
I yawned, then smiled at him. "Hey."
Xavier and I have always gotten along smoothly. There'd n
ever been any sibling rivalry or where we went to war every second of the day. He'd looked out for me more than anyone and had been protective. A typical big brother.
"Dad said you have some friends flying in. Some guy and his sister. Does he need to borrow some of my clothes?" Xavier asked, leaning against my doorjamb. He sniffled, his black eye had faded to a brownish-yellow.
I smiled at his consideration. "Thanks. I'll check with Hayden and see." My eyes raked the length of his body. His jet-black hair was disheveled, eyes bloodshot, and his once pressed lavender dress shirt was half-tucked in and wrinkled.
"Long night?"
