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Reagan looked up from her bag and gave me a blank stare. "Because you're on the team, Adrianna. It's common sense. I wasn't sure why you dressed in regular clothes, to be honest."
I ignored her condescending tone and got off the bed.
"I guess I didn't think I needed to dress. I've never gone to a meet and not competed, you know?"
Reagan continued to stare at me in silence until she finally resumed shuffling through her bag. Her movements turned frantic and a look of dread filled her face. Clothes tore out of her bag, gym gear landed on the floor, some hanging over the zipper. She muttered curses under her breath as she grabbed the clothes and shook them in the air. The sound of a rattle filled the space, then a little white bottle rolled out from her clothing.
Reagan dropped the clothes and eyed the container. I frowned and we both froze. There was no prescription sticker on the bottle. Her wide eyes zoomed in on it, and I knew in my heart that it was not something she wanted anyone to see.
I shot a fleeting look toward the bathroom where Holly and Sarah were giggling. Reagan caught my drift. She gla
nced over her shoulder and I lunged for the bottle.
"Give it back," she demanded through clenched teeth. She rounded the bed toward me.
A sense of dread washed over me. "Diet pills… These are diet pills, aren't they?" She snatched the bottle from my hand, her nails broke my skin. "Are you insane?"
"Mind your own damn business, right?" She threw my words back in my face, popped the top, and poured two pills into her palm. She threw them into her mouth and scowled at me as she swallowed them without water. I never understood how anyone did that.
"Does anyone else know?"
She stared at me. "Of course not, and no one else will know."
"How long have you been doing this?"
"Adrianna." My name was said with so much venom I shut my mouth. She leaned in close, and whispered, "Are you that naive? Did you forget what we're judged on? How our bodies need to look? We can't have an ounce of fat on us. We need to look graceful and elegant and be as light as a damn feather on our feet. Besides, it's just a little caffeine and weight loss supplement. Some performance enhancers. Nothing that's banned."
I shook my head in both disgust and sadness by her revelation. I didn't believe Reagan. If it was just caffeine it would state it on the bottle. This was dangerous. Gymnasts were plagued with the constant pressure to be picture-perfect. I knew firsthand how unnerving it could be, but I never once would have considered this.
"I know damn well what it's like, but the image others have of me will not define me. I'm stronger than that, and so are you. Reagan, you're putting your health at risk. That shit could be bad for your heart."
She stepped even closer. Her eyes were leveled with mine as she spoke low. "I'm a better gymnast than you, we both know it, but I can't afford to train and compete for the Olympics like you. It's just not in the cards for me. My parents barely have enough money to keep me here as it is. What I do know is that I have a fighting chance to compete in college. So, I'm going to do everything I can to make that happen. I need a full ride, and only Division One schools offer that."
"But you're already good, you don't need them." I pointed to the bottle clutched in her hand. "Let me help you."
She laughed like my offer was stupid. "Help me? I don’t need—or want—your charity. I can do it on my own. As my mom used to say, 'No pressure, no diamond. The greater the pressure, the higher the reward.' I want to be that diamond, Adrianna, I want it more than anything."
She didn't move and neither did I. We were at a standstill. I watched the flames in her eyes when it hit me—we weren’t that much different.
In fact, we were identical.
Reagan was headstrong. She had a vision. A drive at a young age people couldn't comprehend. She would go to great lengths to reach her goal. I understood it because I was the same. As much as I wanted to tell our coaches, I would never. We all had our secrets, and I sure as shit had no room to talk. I didn't want to get Reagan into trouble, but I worried what the diet pills contained and how it could affect her body.
"What's a little hunger anyway?" She lifted one shoulder in a careless shrug. "Nothing we're not used to."
I shook my head. "I wish you'd stop. You're going to get caught eventually."
"You mean get caught, like you?"
I pulled back. "What are you talking about?"
Reagan lifted the corner of her mouth, her eyes thinned to slits. She smirked. "Like I don't see the way our coach looks at you." She snickered under her breath. "I see how his hands linger, how he insists on doing privates with you, the way he talks to you. He's always looking at you. He's hot. You'd have to be dead to not see how fine he is."
I shook my head. My heart raced so fast it rang in my ears. "Like I told you last night, it's all in your head, Regina. You're making shit up."
She hid her bottle away. "Tell me, why are you really here? A little rendezvous with the coach, perhaps?"
I gave her a deadly stare. "You're fucking sick."
