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I snapped my eyes up, stopping myself. Blood rushed to my cheeks before I could stop it. Kova grinned. I hated that knowing look that glimmered in his eyes. This was new territory for us. Friendship. At least that's what I thought it was, how I'd viewed it.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked playfully and shifted from foot to foot.
"I have no idea what you are talking about, Adrianna."
I gave him a droll stare and tried not to smile. He knew. I was embarrassingly giddy. "You are such a liar." I laughed a little, and his grin widened. "Stop looking at me like that."
"You have a very subtle hint of the ocean that lingers on you. I can always detect it."
"That's not creepy at all," I said, looking away, trying to push back my flyaways from the day’s practice.
Kova had a scent to me too, but I thought it was his cologne. I wasn't wearing anything scented. I never wore lotion to practice because the sweat would make me slippery. I wasn't big on body sprays or perfumes anyway. It had to be my shampoo, but he wasn't even that close to get a drift of it.
He shook his head. "Take a seat. What is it that you need?"
My nerves sparked at the ends. I was edgy and I didn't know why. I sat down, then blurted out what I came for.
"Even though I hate them with a passion, I want to add another dance class to my schedule. I'm not stupid, I know what ballet can offer a gymnast, so I'll suck it up if I must. I also want to keep up with the private classes with you to help with my flexibility. I don't want to revert to old habits or lose what I've already accomplished. I can stay longer into the evenings to make this work, and Sundays I want to come in and do extra conditioning, if that's okay with you, of course. I don't need you or Madeline here with me for that, I just thought you should know when someone is coming and going in your gym." Then, I got raw and honest with him. "I'm less than a month away from testing elite, and I'm nervous as hell that I'm not primed and ready enough. I want to know that I did everything I could to get at least the minimum points required to become elite. I want both floor routines to wow the judges and draw their attention but keep them elegant and artistic at the same time. I don't want to wobble on beam or jerk in my turns. I want to hit every handstand on bars and stick my landing on vault while getting the flight I need. I want to practice every waking moment so there's no room for error when the time comes. Please, Kova. I want this so bad. I won't complain or ask for a day off. I will do anything so that when my time comes, I will make it count. I want the challenge. I want to make the goals I set. I want it all."
"Breathe, Ria. I do not think you took a breath in between all that."
I blushed. Kova did what he did best and stared at me. He ran a hand down his face, and I noticed the dark circles under his eyes and the stubble around his jaw. He hadn't shaved in days. I loosely wondered if today wasn't the day to push for this.
"You ask for so much. You are here nearly fifty hours a week as it is. Adrianna, I think you are on track as you should be. I do not think you need to push any more than what you are. If I thought for one minute you were lacking anywhere, I think you should know by now that I would not hesitate to hold back. As of right now, you are still recovering from an injury that we do not need to reinjure or flare up. Every athlete needs a rest day for their muscles to recover. At the rate you want to go, you are going to need your own physical therapist to help you recover quickly. You are going to be soaking in ice baths every night, hot tubs, massage therapy, cupping therapy. There are so many things you may require to keep going, to keep you healthy. Eventually it will all catch up to you."
My Achilles had hardly been a bother. In all honestly, I'd forgotten about it. And the work was already catching up to me, but he didn't need to know that.
&n
bsp; "You know money is not an issue. I can get the best of everything."
"Money cannot buy you everything, Ria," he said like it was common sense. "If you have that kind of mindset, you are not who I thought you were. After a while, your strength will deteriorate, and your mental aptitude will weigh you down. Not because you are weakening, but because you push too hard and do not recover properly. I will always be by your side pushing you, but I know when not to overdo it too. I was where you are at one time. It is not just about recovering your muscles, it is about your mind too. Your body can only handle so much."
I wanted to work more, work harder, to be the best, just like he wanted me to be. It's what he implied and suddenly he didn't want to give it to me. That lit a fire under my ass.
"Didn't you once tell me the body can endure anything, but it's my mind I have to convince?"
"Probably. It sounds like something I would say."
"Well, you did. And I'm trying to do just that."
Kova sat up, his face twisted. "Do not throw my words back in my face, Adrianna." His voice hardened, his accent strong. I loved when it came out like this.
"I'm offering myself to you to do whatever you want. You tell me to do five beam routines, I'm going to do eight. You tell me to come in at seven, I'll be here at six. You wanted me to prove it. Here I am, proving myself. I don't understand why you aren't agreeing to this. The whole reason I came here is for a coach who will push me hard and not give up. I want someone to coach me the way Nadia was coached. Someone who will back me. You're supposed to work me to the bone. I don't feel like I'm at that point, I don’t feel like I'm doing enough, Kova. I want more."
Kova's emerald eyes flared to life. I’d hit a nerve.
He stood up and stalked his way around his desk in three steps. My stomach dropped when he neared me. I wasn't sure whether I should stay seated or stand, so I stood. If he wanted to argue, I'd go toe to toe with him.
"I back you," he spat low and angry, like I insulted him. "I push you. I work you harder than anyone. I spend more time with you than anyone else. I blow off my girlfriend for you, to give you more time, and look how you show your respect. You come into my office, shove my words in my face, demand I do what you want, in hopes of what? That I will bend to your will? That is not how it works here, Adrianna. And it never will. You need to remember your ground. Every athlete is different. Not everyone can handle more. I do not want to push too much. Yes, you are resilient, much stronger than what I have seen in years come through these doors, but you are nursing an injury that I do not want to appear again. Everything that you have worked on this past year will go down the drain all because you had to be stubborn and hardheaded when something did not go your way. I have things set up for your future I want for you. Things you do not know about yet. But you injure yourself again, and you are done." He paused. I crossed my arms in front of my chest and looked at the floor, ashamed he just put me in my place when I should've been humble. "Why can you not just trust me?" he asked with disgust in his voice.
His breathing deepened like he exerted himself, but when he clenched his eyes shut, I knew he hurt more than anything. I would never be done with gymnastics. Just like he wasn't, seeing as he coached. It was never going to happen. It wasn't possible.
I began pacing. He had a point, and while I understood his trepidation, I couldn't think past him saying he had plans for my future. Throwing my arms out to the sides, I dropped them with a plop and asked, "What things?"
His head angled to the side and he watched me. "Hmm?"
"You said you have things planned for me. What things, Kova? Why haven't you spoken to me about them?"
