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"I do not understand why now is not the time. You say it is not me, yet you will not let me touch you or give you the release you so clearly need. You ignore me for hours on end, you stay at work late, you come home when I am sleeping, and leave before I wake. To a woman, the signs are all there, Konstantin."
"Nothing is there, I promise, sweetheart," he said, softening his voice. "You are reading into it too much."
Nothing is there. The nothing being me. I was nothing. I wasn't naive, I knew he couldn't say anything else, but the way he spoke it stung my heart in a hundred different places.
"You work so hard… I just want to help you," she offered, and the rustling sound I heard moments ago returned. "I love you, you know."
"I know you do, and I love you. Just please, go. Let me lock up and I will follow right after."
Katja switched over to Russian. Just when I thought he convinced her to leave, I heard the unmistakable sounds of clothes shuffling, a faint moan, and a sound I wasn't prepared for.
Slurping. Wet, sloppy, slurping. My stomach flipped and I swallowed down the bile in my throat.
This couldn't be happening.
"You taste different," she said. I paled at the repugnance in her voice. This time I actually felt bad for her. She was licking me off him and didn’t know it.
"I sweat a lot while I work out. How about we wait until I get home to shower and then we can pick up where we left off, yeah?"
"I do not mind," she said sweetly. "This is just a little of what is to come."
"Katja, please," he begged.
After a moment’s silence I heard a long slurp and a pop, followed by an incoherent moan that had to have come from her.
"Katja…" he growled, his voice was deep and guttural.
I had to see for myself what she did to him. If she was on her knees like I assumed she was, then her back would be to me.
I peeked around the corner of the desk, careful not to make a sound.
Kova was on the couch with his legs spread wide and Katja between his thighs. As if he sensed me watching, he looked up and locked eyes with mine.
A deep sigh expelled from his lips and he sank further into the couch. His mouth parted in bliss. "Yes," he drawled out, and pushed her head down on him. He pumped his hips harder into her face, not breaking eye contact with me. Her gulping moans filled the room, and her nails dug into his thighs in almost the exact places where my marks could be seen.
Kova fisted her hair and gritted his teeth. His facial expression was stuck somewhere in between remorse, pleasure, and guilt. The only thing that kept me from breaking down was the fact that he wasn't carnal in the way he was with me, and I found solace in that. Still, there was no way to mask the hurt written all over my face, and I let him see it.
Three more rough thrusts, then Kova pulled Katja's head back.
"I cannot fucking do this!" he bellowed and quickly put his dick back in his pants. Katja wiped her mouth and they both stood.
I backed up and returned to my dark hole and waited.
"For as long as it has been, I am surprised you are able to hold it right now," Katja mused, and I could hear the coy smile in her voice.
"Please. That should not be a surprise to you."
"Hmm…" she said, like she was recalling something in her mind.
Kova came twice earlier, his semen was still inside me after I begged for us to finish together. God… I don't know what I was thinking. I lost my common sense when we were alone.
Their footsteps drew closer. My heart raced and I held my breath.
Something dragged across the desk over my head, and I heard the clanking of keys. "Get your shit and let us go," Kova mumbled under his breath. "Hurry the fuck up, Katja. You got what you wanted, as always," he spat. Then they both left his office.
I burrowed into the floor, holding my stomach, and fighting back the tears. My jaw trembled and I rolled my lips between my teeth, sniffling. I stayed in a tight ball trying to pretend this never happened. That the words Kova spoke earlier, with his passionate touch and persuasive words, to what we shared, and what I just witnessed, was nothing but a figment of my imagination. Otherwise, I was that stupid girl who never learned and always went back to the boy who wrecked her heart time and time again. And I didn't like that. Seeing Katja on her knees in front of Kova was upsetting, but seeing him take pleasure in me while I watched them was something I couldn't process. It hurt, that I knew, but this was a more profound kind of hurt that was deep seeded. I didn't know what to call it or how to explain it.
I remained hidden under his desk long enough to wallow in self-pity before I had the courage to poke my head out. I quickly pulled my leotard on and waited a bit longer before heading to the door. I stood and strained my ears, listening for any little sound. The phone on Kova’s desk rang loud, the jarring sound made me jump.
