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"Start over."
I stopped and looked down at him with one foot on the beam. "What? Why?"
"You wobbled and bent your knees. Start over."
Knees. I growled low in the back of my throat then began jumping again. I focused my gaze ahead of me. My mind immediately went to Kajta on her knees. I was still upset over last night but I tried to not let that effect my practice. Kova was quiet for a few moments before he said, "This will work the core of your body and help you punch the beam with straight legs. It also keeps your focus." He paused and added, "Do not turn your feet in, keep them forward."
It was a natural reaction for me to turn them in. I felt safer, like I had a better hold on the beam, but I also knew it could cost me.
I finished the first set the correct way with a slight burn in my thighs. Nothing bad though and I wasn't out of breath.
"Now jump rope traveling forward and backward. This will keep your body aligned and your concentration centered on what you are doing."
"How many times?" I asked between jumps, my words short and tight.
"Fifty each way."
This was a lot trickier than I expected. Just like Kova said, I had to keep my focus strictly on the beam and how I jumped—legs straight, body tight, hips squared. I wobbled a few times going backward and cursed Johnny under my breath.
Johnny was what Avery named the beam after I fell two times in one day. She said if I was getting fucked by the wood, then we needed to name it. The balance beam was now known as Johnny Depp to Avery.
"Tighten up, Adrianna. Squeeze your thighs and butt. Everything needs to be firm so you do not sway. The tighter you hold yourself, the less you fall. You cannot loosen for one second. I do not want to see anything jiggle on you. Keep your focus." He paused. "By the way, your mother gave me a ring yesterday. Such a lovely woman she is. So caring of her daughter."
I stopped and looked down at him, letting out a gush of air I hadn't realized I was holding.
"Uh huh. Start over."
I ignored him. I couldn't believe Mom called him. "What did she say?"
"Start over."
"What did she say, Kova?" I pushed, snapping at him. I probably looked like a psycho to him, but he held firm and wouldn't speak until I started up again. I huffed under my breath and jumped. Typical Kova. He always had to get his way. My coach was an exasperating man.
"Just that she wanted to know how her precious daughter was doing. I told her you were getting there but still had a long way to go."
I lowered my eyelids. "Of course you did. What else?"
"She said she was concerned about your diet and wanted to make sure you were eating nutritious meals. She mentioned when you went home for the holidays you let go and ate everything in sight. She wanted to make sure you are not still on that same path. Something about you had to buy new clothes because your old ones did not fit."
My heartbeat sped up, and my lips parted. The animosity in her words rang like a siren in my head of things she'd said to me that I did wrong in her eyes. Moisture beaded above my top lip. I gripped the jump rope handles tighter, my skin burning against the plastic. I jumped faster and harder.
Kova was still speaking but I only caught the tail end of a few words. I wasn't processing any of it. All I could focus on was the fact that my mom had called him and fabricated lies, and he listened like a good little sheep. She took vindictive to a whole new level and I had to wonder why she was trying in vain to sabotage my gymnastics career. She wanted to ruin me for the sake of ruining me. It was the only plausible reason I could come up with and a side of her I hadn't yet seen. I was her daughter, she was my mother. I didn't understand her attitude toward me.
A prickling sting deflated my chest and my breathing grew strenuous. I slowed down until I stopped completely. My arms dropped to my sides, and I stood with one foot positioned slightly in front of the other, staring in a blank trance at nothing but feeling everything.
A muffled cry burst from my lips and I threw the rope to the floor. Kova jerked back. Tears filled my eyes and my heart ached, not because I was sad, I was, but more so because I was so irate and filled with resentment that my own mother would purposely set out to hurt me. I hopped down, formed a fist, and dropped it down on the balance beam as hard as I could. I shoved at the side of it, trying to push it over, shoving my weight against it, which could never happen. It was too heavy, but
it felt good fighting against something.
"God! I hate her! Hate her with a passion!"
"Hey," Kova said softly, coming up behind me, but I couldn't stop.
"I can't stand her! No matter what I do, it's never enough. I never over ate anything, and I bought new clothes because I lost weight. Because we had stupid parties she forced me to attend. She is such a liar." I kept my back to Kova so he wouldn't see the tears in my eyes. "And you played right into it, making me sound like I'm hopeless, like an amateur who still needs years of work, and even that might not be enough. You gave her exactly what she wanted and she fed off that, I know she did. She has it out for me, always has, always will. Nothing I do will be right for her."
A fat tear slipped from the corner of my eye, and I walked away. I didn't take more than a few steps when Kova clutched my arm in his hand.
"Stop," he said gently. "Ria, I told her you still had a way to go because the truth is I am not ready to let you go yet."
