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"Melatonin. It will help you relax and get some rest. It is all-natural."
I swallowed them all in one shot.
"I can take it from here, Kova. Thank you, though."
"I do not trust you to get in and stay for the correct amount of time. Come on." He reached out to take my hand, but I didn't move. I just stared at his hand. "What is wrong with you?"
"I… I can… I can do it on my own. I appreciate that you're here, I really do, but I got it." I didn’t want him to see my hard nipples when I got out, or for him to wrap me with warmth. I knew myself, and I knew I would sink into him and beg him to hold me.
Kova's Adam's apple bobbed as he frowned down at me. "Do not make me pick you up and drop you in there."
"I will fucking kill you if you do that."
He challenged me. "Do not tempt me, Ria. I will do it."
"Can you just go? This… This is too much." He tilted his head to the side and propped his hands on his hips. "It just feels too intimate to me."
His jaw dropped, and his eyes widened in shock. This was the first time I had ever made him do that. "I know," I said, giving him a halfhearted laugh, "but we should really try to not put ourselves in such situations anymore, Kova."
"You have got to be kidding me. After everything that has happened between us, sitting in an ice bath is too intimate for you? Are you serious right now?"
A faint heat crept into my cheeks. I was embarrassed.
I looked down. "I know it sounds stupid—"
"It is stupid."
"It's just you are being nice and helping me like this… I don't know, Kova, it's too much for me, too much for us. It shows you care, and honestly, I don't want that."
His brows furrowed. "Why do you not want it?
"Because it's not something I'm ever given."
"Ria." His voice rose. "Of course I care about you. I care about all of my gymnasts. I would not be here if I did not."
"Right, but you're not supposed to care this much," I stated.
"Why is it wrong that I do?"
I pulled back. "You don’t see the real issue, do you?"
"No, please enlighten me."
"Because then you have officially crossed the line. It's one thing to have sex with someone when you're not supposed to, sex doesn't have to come with strings attached. It's another thing entirely to care for them emotionally. Whether you want to admit it or not, we're crossing that line. You care for me far more than you’re obligated to; you would not do the same for the other girls. You know I'm right."
Kova flattened his lips and looked away. If I was being honest, I’d admit I cared far more than I should too. I knew in my heart I did. That’s why I was trying to create some distance between us.
When we were together—intimate or just having a conversation—it was explosive, the chemistry combustible. Only we mattered. I got him, he got me. We complimented each other in the most unusual way, and it just worked…when it shouldn’t have.
Kova glanced back at me. The onyx that flickered against the brilliant emerald of his eyes captured my attention. I stared back at him for a moment before he nodded, but just barely.
I knew him well enough to know that would be all the acknowledgment I would get, but now he knew too.
Chapter Thirty-One
Kova squatted down in front of me and put his hands on my knees. "I am trying here, Ria, I really am. Let me be here for you as your coach right now, and nothing more."
"You don't see that this is more than what a coach does, Kova," I whispered. "I'm trying to keep more from happening. We were almost caught by Katja for Christ sake. I think we should take that as a warning, don't you?"
