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I looked up at him and stared into his sorrowful eyes. While I didn't want to be susceptible again, Kova was making it impossible to stick to my guns.
"Why are you telling me this?" I asked softly, my heart was going to explode from his raw emotions. "Why now?"
He shrugged. "I do not know. I get this indescribable feeling, and once I feel it, I chase it. I crave it," Kova said, his eyes shifting back and forth. "And it never stops with you. It is like a high all the time. I do not know what to call it or how to make sense of it. Then, tonight, you did what you could to wish me a happy birthday. You are the only one who said it to me today. It was so simple and yet it made me happier than I have been in a long time." Kova paused, swallowing slowly. His brows bunched together like he was lost in an internal battle and needed help to fight his way out.
I frowned. "Katja didn't even call you? Text you?"
Kova rolled to the side, taking me with him. "No. It has been five days since she left. She has not called once, and the only time I have spoken to her was through a text, which I sent to her yesterday to check on her. That was it."
After days of silence from his wife, he still checked on her. My chest tightened. She hadn't even considered him. Talk about breaking my heart. I ached for Kova and what he was telling me. I couldn’t believe no one wished him a happy birthday, not even his wife, who was a complete and utter bitch in my eyes now.
This was the real reason he was here, why he’d pushed himself inside and insisted he help. There was no doubt in my mind. I knew Kova cared about me in his own puzzling way and wanted to make sure I had a speedy and healthy recovery, but loneliness was a bitch and the worst feeling in the world. It was when the walls closed in and the silence became deafening, and the long moments allowed you to sulk inside your mind, where your thoughts ran haywire until they caused you to fall into a depression so deep it was hard to climb out of.
This wasn't the first time he’d pushed. I had to wonder how long he'd been stuck inside the darkness.
"Tell me how you guys met," I asked. I needed to figure out why this woman was so cold toward him. I was the only girl he ever cheated on her with, and from what Kova had said, she'd been this way toward him even before that. Despite that pretty and sweet demure look she had going on, Katja was a viper and would quietly go for the jugular when you least expected.
Now more than ever, I couldn’t comprehend why he would marry someone who treated him so poorly. Maybe she blackmailed him. No. I quickly scratched that thought from my head. I didn't see Kova as the type to cower in a corner. He was a fighter, and someone who had no issue with confrontation.
Kova cleared his throat and shifted his legs closer to mine so they were entwined together. "Katja and I have a long history. We have known each other our whole lives. Our mothers were close friends. My mom and I lived with her mom for a short while after I was born." He hesitated for a moment. "Kat’s mom is the one who got my mom a job at the gentlemen’s club. They worked it out so that she would watch me on days my mom had to work, then when Kat came along a year later, my mom returned the favor. We were always at one another’s homes, practically raised side by side. We became like brother and sister."
I couldn't fathom a friendship being forged between two women who were prostitutes with children around the same age. They both were saddled with baggage and stuck in a dark hole with no one to help them out of it except for each other.
Curious, I asked, "How did you go from a sibling type relationship to now?"
"Our roles shifted throughout the years. My mother made peace with what she did for a living. She was able to provide a somewhat good home for us, keep food on the table, put me through gymnastics, and never miss a competition. There was no other job she could have worked that would have allowed her that." He took a breath. "Kat’s mom, however, grew discontented with the profession." His eyes were distant, a sadness filling them. "She began using drugs to numb herself and eventually became addicted to heroin, she still is. When we were in middle school, I went over to Katja’s one day and found her mom passed out on the couch. I heard a commotion from Kat’s room…" He stopped for a long heartbeat. I looked up and found Kova with his eyes squeezed shut.
I placed my hand on his chest. Quietly, I said, "You don't have to talk about it if it's too much."
Kova shook his head vehemently. "I ran to her room and found a sick scumbag leaning over her with his pants down to mid-thigh. Her nightgown had been ripped, and black, watery streaks ran down he
r cheeks. In seconds, I had him off her and on the floor. I snapped." Eyes wide like he was remembering every vivid detail, Kova continued. "I beat him until my knuckles bled, until pieces of skin were torn back from his face. I did not stop until Katja pulled me away."
I blinked rapidly, blindsided by this revelation. "What did you do?" My question came out hoarse.
Kova shook his head, pain thick in his eyes. "I dragged his bloody, beaten body out to the hallway and left him there. After that, I took her home with me. I went from her brother to her protector. Where I went, she went. Even when I had practice, she would sit out in the waiting area and wait for me. My mom pleaded with hers to stop using, but she would not. She was too far gone and that left me with no choice."
Tears burned my eyes, the fireworks long forgotten. I was nestled up to Kova, hanging on to his every word, too deep in the riveting conversation about his past to stop now. I wanted to know more. I wanted to know everything.
I yawned, exhaustion suddenly washing over me. I hadn't slept in eighteen hours and it was finally catching up.
"Is my story boring you?" He laughed lightly, the shadows fading from his eyes.
"No. It's quite the opposite actually. Keep going."
He laughed again. "Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"We can finish this conversation another night if you are tired."
"I'm happy right where I am."
Pulling back, Kova leaned down to kiss my forehead, his arms tightening around me. I was a glutton for punishment, wanting to know the gritty details of his life with Katja.
"Katja stayed with us on and off all through middle and high school. In high school our roles changed again…"
When he didn’t continue, I glanced up at him and met his gaze. He tilted his head to the side and studied me. Whatever came next in his story, I knew I didn’t want to hear it, but I needed to know. I needed to understand his relationship with Katja.
