AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He had no idea what he meant to me. My heart raced so fast that I knew he could feel it.
"You’re married now. Don’t you care that you broke your vows?"
"For the first time in my pathetic life, my hands were tied." Kova’s voice was a notch lower and filled with sorrow. "I could not go against her because it would not just destroy me, but it would ruin you too. I never wanted it, but I had no choice in the matter."
"You always have a choice." My voice splintered between trying to stay strong and fucking breaking inside. We were two halves of a whole that no longer fit. Our pieces had been torn apart, altered and destroyed, with no chance of ever being whole again. "Last night you had more than just sex with me. How could you do that when you’re married?"
"Adrianna… There is a lot you do not know."
"I know we’re done, Kova. This is it. We’re through."
"That is where you are wrong. This is not over. We are not done."
My mouth fell open. "Did you actually think I would continue with you once I knew you were married? What kind of despicable person are you?" Cheating on a girlfriend, though shallow, was one thing, but cheating on a spouse was an entirely different situation.
"Those vows mean nothing to me."
My eyes widened. "You are seriously insane. Did you even wait long to break your vows?" He answered with a cavalier shrug.
This man had no heart and lacked even the simplest emotion. I was sure of it.
Kova squeezed his eyes shut and averted his gaze. I’d hit a sore spot. When he didn't respond, I kept going.
"Do you even love her?"
I wanted him to say yes. At least that way it would ease the pain and make a little sense. Instead, he shrugged again, as if I had asked him how he liked his mediocre house salad. "Katja and I have a history. It was always coming, you know."
I gawked. My lips parted on a heartbroken sigh. It was always coming.
"So, you sleep with me, knowing all along what your endgame was? Are you that narcissistic?"
Kova's gaze hardened. "I am not a narcissist. I am a man conflicted between wanting to do what I want, and needing to do what is expected of me. There is a difference. A big fucking difference and I hate it. One of us was going to lose and I had to make a choice I did not want to make."
"That’s your reason for being a dick? You can’t just own up to the fact that you took the easy way out?"
Kova tensed, his body trembling with defiance. Sitting back on his knees, he raised his voice. "What do you propose I do? Get a divorce and confess my love for you in front of everyone and act like it is no big deal, when it will in fact ruin everything? Use your brain, Adrianna. That could never happen. Never."
Seething over how heartless he could be, I sat up and shoved against his chest. Kova fell back and I stared down at his slumped body.
"I'm not asking you to declare anything. I'm asking you to be a decent human being. It's really not that difficult."
Kova flattened his lips. I got the impression that he was trying avoid saying something he would regret. "It is more difficult than you could ever know. I made a promise many years ago to Katja, and I always fulfill my promises. I made you no promise. Not in this relationship, and not in gymnastics."
My heart plummeted, and a cold shower of clarity washed over me. I'd been so utterly stupid. I didn’t know what was worse, the fact that I’d allowed myself to fall so deep, or that he’d allowed it knowing his intentions.
"You’re right. You never made any kind of promise to me. You used me instead. You flat out used me for your own benefit."
Kova vehemently shook his head. "Take those words back," he demanded.
"No," I said, hanging on to what little strength I had left. "You created this lie. We were never a team. You exhaled false promises and I inhaled your bullshit. You ran the show and I danced to your tune, trapped in this elite bubble of lies you created. I was never your weakness. That's the truth and you know it. You just don't want to hear it."
Sitting up, Kova reached out and grabbed my jaw. His glossy eyes glared at me, and I could see him struggling between losing it completely and trying to retain his sanity. "I never used you. Ever." His voice was a broken whisper. "If there is one thing you believe, believe that, Adrianna." Kova's breathing deepened, and for a split second, I wanted to believe him.
"Go ahead. Tell me another lie."
Kova expelled a heavy sigh and glanced at the ceiling.
My jaw trembled and I took a deep breath. Oh, God. I wished he didn't have the power to make me cry. I didn't want him to see how much I needed him, because I didn't want to show Konstantin Kournakova that I actually loved him. I couldn’t begin to even fathom what he'd do to me if he knew the truth.
