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"Nice job, Big Red," Reagan said, and I smiled. "I hope you beat Sloan." Sloan Maxwell was one of the top three elites and currently in first on beam. While I outranked her on the other three events, beam was her specialty.
I waited anxiously next to Kova, wondering if my splits hit one hundred eighty degrees, if my pause in between was too long for bonus connecting points, or if I had enough connecting acrobatic and dance skills. His arm wrapped around my shoulder and he pulled me to his side. I thought nothing of this gesture, since it was another common thing among coaches.
Our heads were tilted up at the screen for the numbers. My hands were clasped in front of me, my fingers wrenched together and twisting with uncertainty while Kova stood stoically.
Finally, my score appeared on the screen overhead.
My heart dropped and I stepped back, stumbling on my toes. I stared in absolute shock, repeatedly blinking to see if I read the numbers correctly. I hadn't gotten the maximum points, but I didn't have many deductions and received the highest score due to the difficulty in my routine.
"You did it! Adrianna! You did it!" Kova said, shaking my shoulders excitedly. I'd never come in first in all four events at a meet, let alone at an elite meet.
He pulled me into a hug and kissed my cheek. My arms wrapped around his shoulders and I closed my eyes, dropping my face into the curve of his neck. We were the cliché coach and gymnast the way we cheered together. In this moment, I couldn’t hate him. In this moment, what happened to me, happened to the both of us, and it was something we should share together.
With his lips next to my ear, he said, "See what happens when you trust in yourself and let go? You shined out there. You pushed and pulled and got what you wanted through all the chaos, because you are fierce and wild and strong and have what it takes to go far. I knew you could do it."
Kova released me and Madeline walked up, pulling me into a hug next, but our connection was too strong to sever. We couldn't tear our eyes from each other, even as Madeline hugged me. Kova stared a minute longer and then turned away, taking my heart with him.
"Tell me, what was going through your mind?" Madeline asked, her eyes sparkling.
I paused, contemplating an answer. I became fearless after I'd become foolish, emotional, and on the verge of losing everything. I found strength because I had no choice. I did it, not just for myself, but for the one thing that kept me going—and feeling worthy enough since I was a child—gymnastics. When I hit rock bottom, it handed me the courage I was unknowingly holding back and armed me with the confidence I needed to attempt such a daring endeavor.
I looked at her and went with what was in my heart. "It's not just myself that I'm doing this for. I'm doing it for you guys too. I remembered who I was, what I wanted, and I changed the game."
Madeline cupped my jaw and smiled again. "Well done, sweetie."
"Well, that was impressive," Holly said. She'd walked up next to me and we began pulling on our sweats together.
"Thanks," I said, zipping up my duffle bag. "It's surreal, you know?"
"Oh, yeah. I bet it is. I can't imagine."
"What do you mean?"
A dim smile shown on her face. "I've never medaled in all four events in one meet before."
"Oh." I hadn't known that.
"It's not easy." She paused, acting a little covetous. "Congrats, girl."
I wasn't sure what to think of it other than I knew I needed to remain humble. Being knocked from medal contention would be devastating, which is what happened to Holly today.
Throwing my bag over my shoulder, I zipped up my sweat jacket and wiped the excess chalk from my hands. I watched my coaches and teammates walking ahead of us, and thought about how the series of events played out today. It was medal time, then after dinner we'd be boarding a plane to fly back home.
Kova peeked over his shoulder and our gazes immediately found each other's. A flutter started in my heart. He had his bag slung over his back, gripping the strap tightly in his fist. A moment passed between us, his green eyes filled with so much adoration that I stumbled. Even though I resented him, he was a still huge part of my accomplishment. I knew the right thing to do was to express my gratitude, even though it hurt me to.
A timid smile tugged at one corner of my mouth. I didn't want to give him an inch because he'd take a mile, but I couldn't not. I didn't have that in me, not today. Kova caught it and his shoulders relaxed. Nodding subtly, he turned around.
I knew success could go one of two ways: drown in darkness and lose yourself, or swim in the light and bask in the glory. It came from a series of events that I did consistently to reach achievement, but also one moment that would test me to the point of breaking. And that's what had happened. I'd been backed up against a wall with the anxiety of losing everything because of someone else's actions. No one could win for me. I had to win for myself. I had to want it bad enough. I had to drop everything and listen to that voice in my head that told me to give it my all. I couldn’t think about trying again tomorrow. I had to stay focused and worry about right now. So that's exactly what I did. I fought hard and gave it my all. I had what it took. I had the want, and I had the drive. I wouldn't let anything stand in my way.
It was going to take everything from me…
Just like Kova had.
* * *
I felt him before I saw him.
I glanced over my shoulder just in time to see Kova sauntering up to me. I raked my eyes down the length of his body, taking him in. Butterflies swirled in my stomach when he was around and that was not a good thing. It was downright tortuous. Talk about swagger. He was so fucking sexy and I hated that he had it in spades.
