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"You are the worst liar I have ever met," he mumbled under his breath.
"You're the only one who tells me that."
"Because whether you like it or not, I know you better than anyone else."
His words struck my heart and I ground my jaw together. It was true. He did know me better than anyone else and I wish he didn't. I should've been grateful he was concerned, but instead tears of regret branded the resentment I felt for him. "Your eyes… You are so far away and it kills me because you will not come to me. I know you have a lot on your mind. I also know you are blocking everything out. I cannot say I fault you, though. You are protecting yourself. I just wish you would let me be there for you."
My breathing deepened, my chest rose and fell. I had a lot on my mind. Too much. And with no outlet, which he knew.
"See," he said quietly. Our eyes locked and my breath lodged in my throat. "I know you, Adrianna." His warm, deep voice wrapped around my gutted heart. There wasn't an ounce of cockiness in his words, just genuine sincerity that shook me. "I hate that I can see everything you are feeling, because I feel it too." His sober gaze didn't waver from mine. I wanted to look away, but I was constricted by the rope his voice devised. A faint sharpness sliced through my breastbone. This was the first time I'd allowed him to look at me like this and he had me glued to him because I could hear what he was saying, what he was begging for. Kova wanted the one thing I couldn't give him. Forgiveness.
Kova didn't look sick. No, he looked gutted.
"I know you do not want to talk to me, but if you do not release that built-up emotion inside you, you will snap. Usually when you least expect it and on the wrong person. Trust me. I have been there. If you will not release it on me, at least write it down."
I looked to my side, watching the gymnasts practice. His voice was so sad.
Quietly, I swallowed, and said, "I don't need to write." I just need to sit in the shower and cry.
"You would be surprised how therapeutic it is."
My brows furrowed. I looked back at Kova. "Where is the notebook?"
He looked down at me. "You have it."
"No, I don't."
"You do."
"Ko—Coach, no I don't."
Kova sat back on his knees. "Adrianna, you never gave it back to me."
I stared up at Kova, slightly panicking inside. My brain ran through the motions since I last saw the notebook and where I had placed it.
"It must be in my condo somewhere," I answered softly.
His brows furrowed. Panic spanned his eyes. "You are sure you did not leave it somewhere?"
I studied him, thinking. "I probably shoved it in my nightstand so I wouldn't have to look at it. I know I didn't bring it anywhere, so it's somewhere in my condo."
Relief flooded him. "When you find it, use it."
Sitting up, I crossed my legs in front of me and kept my focus on the floor, picking at the carpet. "I'd rather not. Writing isn’t for me."
Kova blew out a lengthy sigh. "You are so stubborn. This is going to backfire on you."
I flattened my lips but didn't acknowledge his comment. It wouldn't. I'd make sure of it.
"Does your Achilles hurt?"
I shook my head. I debated with what to tell him. "No, it's fine. I'm just really, really tired."
"It comes with the territory."
Standing up, I yawned. "I'll see you on bars." I was only a few steps away when Kova called my name. I glanced over my shoulder.
Scratching the back of his neck, his mouth pulled tight to one side and his nervous green eyes dropped to the floor then up to me. We stood no more than a few feet apart and he closed the distance.
