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With his demand, Kova hit the right spot and it catapulted me over the edge. He deepened his kiss. He slid two fingers into my pussy and I ground harder against his hand, clenching as I came on his fingers, rubbing so hard I saw stars. There was a little pinch, but it was soon forgotten about. I needed this orgasm and I realized the times with Hayden had been a total waste. He didn't hold a candle to Kova.
I let out a satisfied moan as he caressed my tender pussy. This intense feeling was addicting, and I always wanted more afterwards.
A rush of breath left his lips. "I love seeing you like that," he said. "So beautiful."
"You're still hard." I found myself saying. He shook his head.
Sliding his hand from my shorts, his eyes bore into mine as he brought his fingers to his mouth. They were slick with my pleasure, evidence of how much I enjoyed what he did. His wrist tilted to the side and I caught the flicker of something as he slipped his fingers into his mouth.
My chest tightened and I grabbed his wrist, turning his hand to the side. A knife jammed right into my heart.
My lips parted. No. Please, no.
Regret thumped frantically against my ribs. A coldness washed over me. He was right, I would hate him even more and I wanted to, but this time it was my fault. Not his.
The orgasm I’d willingly given Kova saturated the platinum ring his wife had given him when they’d exchanged their vows.
Body trembling, I stepped back. My eyes skittered across the floor, confused, overwhelmed, lost. Kova reached for me, but I brushed his hand away and sat down on the bench, trying to catch my breath. Shame filled me to the point I was fighting the tears threatening to pour from my eyes.
Finally, I looked up at him.
"Did you do it on purpose?" My voice was quiet and low. "Did you purposely use your ring finger? No—I know you did. That's a total you move. I can't believe I was stupid enough to do this again with you. You're disgusting and I wish I’d never fucking met you."
He looked horrified, but he'd hurt me so many times that I wanted to hurt him back.
"You think I would do that to you? I was not even thinking about which hand I was using. All I was thinking about was that I had you in my arms again."
I shook my head, my heart not able to handle another word. "I can't stomach this thing between us anymore. I can't do this back and forth."
Kova held up his left hand and I flinched. "You think I like wearing this fucking ring? The truth is I have to, as it is part of the agreement. Otherwise I would have had it fucking melted and dumped into the sea."
He shook his head, and dropped his arm to his side, but I just couldn't do it anymore. It wasn't fair to everyone involved, especially for the person who would ultimately lose in the end.
Me.
"How do you do it?" I asked. An eerie calmness settled in me.
"Do what?"
"How can you be with me while you're married? How do you look at yourself? Don't you have any guilt?"
Kova swallowed hard, his Adam's apple moving up and down. His black brows furrowed, his green eyes danced across my heartbroken face. Tears blurred my vision. I wished I'd never allowed myself that moment of weakness.
Clearing his throat, he scratched the back of his neck and looked away. "No, I do not. Not when it is you who I am with."
My jaw dropped. "Oh, really? Then why do you call Katja 'my beloved' in your language when you're speaking to her?" I asked, crossing my arms. "I know what it means. You called Katja your beloved." He opened his mouth to speak but I kept talking. "Enough! Stop playing games with my mind. Can't you see what it's doing to me?" My chin quivered. "Can't you see that it's killing me? Can't you see that you're breaking my fucking heart?"
His eyes filled with guilt and I actually felt a sentiment of sadness for him. "What am I supposed to do? What do you want me to do? Help me out here because I am just as fucked as you."
I reared back, swiping a tear away. "No, you're not. Not even close. Pick one person and be done. I know today was my fault, and I don't blame you for this, but you can't be with both of us. I won’t allow it."
"You want me to pick you? Is that it? And what if I did? Where would that get us?" He paused, his face a twist of emotions I didn't want to read into. "Nobody wins, Adrianna. There are consequences to every decision. Do you not get that? Someone will get hurt."
Typical man. He was so dumb. "Can't you see that I'm already hurt?"
His jaw flexed. "What do you want me to do?" he conceded. "You think I do not see how you are hurting every day? I see it, and my hands are tied right now. I have no choice in anything."
I stayed quiet as I stared. I didn't want to answer for him. I wanted to be his answer.
