AllFreeNovel
Share Us
* * *
I slammed my mouth shut and bit down on my lips.
"I did not think so," he said.
"How did you do it?" I asked miserably, sitting back. I didn't want to fight with him. "How did you push through?"
I hated myself for the way I felt. Like someone was able to finally break me down while I had no power to stop it.
"Mind over matter," Kova said.
"That's all you have for me? You participated in two Olympic Games, almost three, and went through the same treatment as me. If not worse because Russians are freaking lunatics. How did you keep on going?" Lowering my voice, I said a tad dejected, "This is the first time I feel like I can't convince my mind that my body can endure anything like this again."
Kova gently placed his hand on my thigh and gave me a sympathetic little squeeze. The urge to reach out and hold his hand was strong, but I didn't.
"You will find a way because there is no other option for you."
I looked over at him. His shoulders sagged just a bit and the corner of his mouth formed a frown. I noticed his hair was longer than usual, which I liked a lot. It was hair I could weave my fingers through. I wondered if he was growing it out.
"Tonight and tomorrow will be the hardest for you. You just endured ninety-nine percent more than most people have at your age. You are human. I am not judging you, I would never judge you for that. It is the vicious reality of the game and I get it. How much your body can take versus how much your mind can handle. Two days from now you will not feel that way. Two days you will wake up sore and bruised, and you will ask yourself how the hell you did it, but you will have the determination to go on because you will realize that you survived." He paused, then said, "There is not a shadow of a doubt, because it is what I went through and what I thought. We are cut from the same cloth, Adrianna."
I mused over his words and thought back to something he’d said when I’d first arrived at World Cup.
"Your body can endure just about anything, it is your mind you have to convince," I whispered.
"What?" he asked, pulling into my condo complex and parking his car.
I repeated what I said and he turned toward me. "It's something you said to me shortly after I got here for the first time. We were in your office going over my schedule after you had me evaluated." I laughed sadly. "You were not happy at all with my performance that day."
He scrubbed a hand down his face and laughed, then looked out the front windshield. "No, I was not."
"You were being such a dickhead that night, I couldn't believe it. But I'll never forget the words you said to me about digging deep, how to not expect anything in return, and to push even harder when no one is watching. Your speech awakened something in me and it's stuck with me ever since. I look back on it when I'm feeling lost and confused and use it as motivation."
"I remember going home that night and regretting the deal I made with your father," he says softly. "I reread all the paperwork I had signed for hours and hours, trying to find my way out of it. Frank is a brilliant businessman who covers every corner. No stone was left unturned. I was at my wits' end when Katja walked into my office and said to me that I always follow through on my deals and to not give up or else I would not be me. I was so aggravated with her when she said that, but she was right. Anything I say I am going to do, I do. So, I changed my view and looked at you like you were a challenge I needed to conquer." He grew quiet. "I just never, in my wildest dreams, expected it to go the way it has. You shocked me in ways I never saw coming. I do not know whether to embrace it or reject it."
We both sat quietly in the confinement of his car. Kova had shared a very personal side to him and I felt it in my core. It was so rare for him to let me in, but those moments I wasn't often privy to were ones I held close to me because I knew they were real. He looked straight ahead. He sat quietly, like we'd done this so many times. He was open and welcoming and his honesty was far from menacing.
"We both challenged each other without realizing it. I pushed you as a coach." He turned his head in my direction, and with a tight mouth, he nodded in agreement. "Thanks for not giving up on me."
We tested each other’s limits, went at one another at a hundred miles an hour without stopping, and the only conclusion would be a beautiful destruction of sinful harmony. We were both aware of it, too, and I couldn’t figure out what that said about us.
"I could not give up on you, even if I wanted to."
"Why? Because of my dad?"
He shook his head, his pupils dilated. "No, I could have easily handed you off to Madeline." His body mimicked mine. He leaned against his door, propping his elbow on the arm rest. "You countered me, you sparred with me. I pushed, you pulled harder. You made me regret my existence ninety percent of the time. You were the challenge I always wanted that no one could give me. I craved you before I even knew you, Ria. Why would I ever let go of that? Every day is a new day with you and something I look forward to. You are what keeps me going and the reason why I wake up each day." The whisper of his last words seemed to mystify him, but he just looked into my eyes to let me know he was being honest.
Breathing a little heavier, my voice a little throaty, I said, "A sane person would walk away."
He gave me an all-too-knowing look. I almost laughed. "We both know I am not sane."
Wasn't that the truth. "You're psychotic."
"True, but I got the greatest bonus of all."
"Which is?"
"You."
