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The coaches had so much power over us and all for the little slice of hope they provided when we were most vulnerable. I’d taken everything they dished out with open hands and a begging mouth. I'd take it ten times worse if that meant promising me my dreams. Kova was right. Even if I had known what to expect, or how crippled I'd be when I came home, I still would have gone.
Crawling into bed, I got under the covers and scrolled through my phone, reading the messages I’d missed while I was at camp. Some were from Hayden checking up on me, and my dad had called. My heart stopped when I got to a series of messages from Avery. I ached with the desire to call my best friend. I wanted to talk to her, to hear her voice, laugh at her jokes. I missed her big time, but I was still reeling from everything that had transpired between us. I couldn't say I was mad anymore. I wasn't mad. I was disappointed and sad more than anything that she’d felt the need to hide her relationship with my brother from me. I got it, I did, but I couldn't wrap my head around the secrecy or even fathom what they'd go through if they were to announce they were dating. I didn't believe either family would be against it—our fathers were business partners—so what were the repercussions they felt they would face?
If I’d had sex with her brother then aborted his baby, I would've been terrified to tell her too. But I'd have told her, just like I’d told her everything about Kova. That was the difference. She was my best friend and she’d lied to my face for many long months. She hid a massive secret and that was more devastating than anything. I’d thought we were close and could tell each other everything. It crushed my heart and made me feel like she didn't care enough about me to tell me. Did she really think I'd tell her to stop dating him? Well, probably, but I knew his playboy ways better than anyone and would only want to protect her.
I clicked out of her messages and listened to a voicemail from a number I didn’t recognize. My heart sank when I heard the nurse from the doctor's office. They'd called over a week ago when I’d been with Hayden, and I’d forgotten to call them back. Then they called twice while I was in Texas. My results were in and I needed to schedule an appointment to go over them. I shot a quick glance at the clock to check the time. It was too late to call, and tomorrow was the start of the weekend. I made a plan to call on Monday during lunch to schedule an appointment.
Placing my phone face down on the night stand, I turned on my side and curled up with the blankets, praying that I wouldn't be in so much pain tomorrow.
* * *
Turns out, Kova had been right.
The night he dropped me off and the day after had been horrific. Brutal. I felt like I’d been hit by a freight train, and then ran over by a cement truck. A little dramatic, maybe, but it was the only way to describe the agony I was dealing with.
Call me crazy, but I typically loved the after-day suffering, just not to this extreme. Soreness was proof of an intense workout. It meant I’d pushed back just as hard as I was pulled, but this was something else entirely that I hadn’t even known existed. This was pure torture and I honestly couldn't imagine going through it again. But then I told myself that others had walked on the same stepping stones and came out alive. If they could do it, then so could I. It would be worth it one day.
Then there was the deafening silence I’d tried to avoid whenever I had free time. I swear I could hear the blood flowing through my veins, it was that quiet.
I should've taken Kova up on his offer to rest a few more days. The two days I’d had off weren't enough. Not even close. I ached, I was worn out, and I all but crawled on my hands and knees out of my condo to my car to drive to practice.
The exhaustion, the weariness, the discomfort…it was nothing compared to the blow I got when I arrived at World Cup. I wasn't there for more than a minute when Kova pulled me into his office and shut the door. He started asking numerous questions back-to-back, but I only focused on one thing.
"What are you talking about, Coach? What do you mean you want me to go home?" My heart beat frantically. Of course I wanted to go home, I was tired as hell, but I knew that wasn't an option.
Kova's eyes narrowed and I could see the vulnerability in them. "I did not tell you when I picked you up because I did not want to worry you, but I received a call from your father. Your physician called him and I was told they have been trying to reach you, something about blood results were in and you needed to schedule an appointment."
Hands propped on hips, I was aggravated. "You have to be k
idding me. Why would he tell you?"
"Why did you get blood work?" he countered.
I shrugged, keeping it cool. "Just a regular checkup is all."
"Your father added me as a guardian in case anything happens to you and he couldn't make it here in time."
Made sense, but I didn't like it. With my gaze still hard on his, I asked, "What else did he tell you?"
Kova shifted on his feet. He studied me, his gaze raking up and down my body. "What are you hiding?" he asked, deep and curious.
I reared back, cheeks hot. "Nothing. Not that it's any of your business anyway."
"It is very well my business and you know that."
My eyes flared.
My temper took off.
And there went my control.
"Like hell it is! You don't need to invade every damn aspect of my personal life, Kova. If I want you to know something, I'll tell you."
Kova strode toward me until we were an inch or two apart. He angled his head down, his eyes roaming over my face, taking in every feature. Using his index finger, he tipped my chin up. Green eyes fastened on my mouth and my gaze dropped to his full lips I loved so much. He dragged his teeth over his bottom lip, and I swallowed hard, feeling a stroke of heat pool in my stomach.
I hadn't felt that kind of stirring in a while.
He dragged the tips of his fingers along my jaw to the back of my head and palmed my neck. I stood immobile, at his mercy, while his thumb delicately rubbed the pulse in my neck. I leaned into his touch and got lost in his green eyes. Kova always knew how to calm me down. This wasn't the first time he'd touched me since I’d found out he was married. I struggled with what to do and went with fisting my hands. The caress of his fingers felt divine, so I dug my nails into my palms until I made little crescent moon imprints in my skin. It was the only way I could maintain my self-control, otherwise I'd have my hands on him.
