AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Leaning down, Kova pressed a kiss to my forehead. My eyes rolled shut and I took a deep breath. I was too weary to pull away.
"I planned to call on my lunch break, you know. I was going to go."
"Okay, well, now you can call from home. In your bed." I groaned. "What is wrong?"
"It's so quiet at home. I feel so alone there."
Kova pulled back and it forced me to look at him. "You do not like it?"
"Usually I don't mind, but lately it makes me a little depressed."
I hated to admit that I was depressed because I felt like it made me weak. My gaze dropped to his shoulder. I didn't like feeling this way, but I also didn't know how to pull out of it. The more I thought about it, the sadder I became, and the emptier my chest felt.
Cupping my face, Kova brought my attention back to him. "Come to my home. Katja is out of town and I can do the massage there. You will not feel alone. I will be there shortly. I will let Madeline know I am leaving early. I have the masseuse table and everything we need."
My heart clenched.
"You are certifiable." He grinned, and dammit to hell, it was sexy. "What if Katja comes home early?"
"Trust me, she will not show up early. I know how she operates." Kova's gaze lowered to my lips. I could tell he had more to say so I waited. "I think we could both use the company anyway."
"I don't have the energy to entertain this. I think it's best if I just go home."
"Exactly. You do not have the energy. Please…" he said, stepping closer and taking hold of my hands. Kova's eyes softened, yet flickered with anguish. My lips parted.
"Stay the night. Let me take care of you," he said.
I couldn't help it and immediately fell back on my familiar defenses. "I bet you used the table with your wife."
Kova's shoulders tightened. "Adrianna, enough. The table is still in the box, unopened. You can watch me put it together. I promise, you are the only one who will use it. In fact, I will give you the damn table if you want. Please, just stop being difficult and let me help you. You need me, and deep down, I think you want me to help you but you are too stubborn to ask," he sai
d. His tone was too genuine for me to question his motives and I instantly felt bad for jumping down his throat.
My heart was already broken, my body in constant pain. I forced myself to stay emotionally distant from him to protect myself, or at least I tried to. I didn't want to give in. I was stronger than that, but he was right. I did want him to take care of me. I needed him, and no matter what I did or what I told myself, I didn't have the power in me to hate him, even though I tried. And the scariest part? It wasn't just a carnal need. I needed Kova in his entirety. I just wanted to be around him. I missed his arms, his body, the way he never used contractions, how he just let himself be when it was us. I just missed him. Like there was a Kova-sized hole in my life only he could fill. But I knew if I agreed to this that my heart would be irrevocably shattered even more.
Still, I was trying to fight it.
Kova spoke over my indecision. "If it makes you feel more comfortable, I will close the gym early and we can meet back here." My brows shot up. Kova never closed World Cup early for anything. "I will go home and get my table. I am trying to make it so you are not alone, but comfortable. Whatever you need, I will do. Sometimes when you are alone and feeling depressed, being inside your head is the worst thing. I do not want you to go down that road any more than you already have, it is not healthy." Kova paused and let out a long breath. "I just want to help you, but what is it that you want?"
Looking at him, I went with the truth, even if it hurt both of us. Tears sprung to my eyes.
"I just want to remember what it's like to not feel broken."
* * *
Kova's eyes flashed. He shook his head like he hated to hear me utter those words. I felt his breathing deepen, his chest expanding against mine. I felt the heat of his body warm me and I hadn't felt it in so long. His hands roamed over my back until his arms wrapped around me. He held me tight, his hands gently pouring his emotion into me.
"I hate that I am the one who broke you more than you will ever know." He dropped his head until his lips were just above mine. I gasped and drew his words into me as they rolled off his heart and onto mine. "You need me, and it is killing me because I want to fix what I did, but I am trying to respect your boundaries too. I have never struggled so much in my life to remain on the sidelines to give you your space. Every day I wake up hoping today will be the day. The day you will allow me to do what I need to get us there. Back to where we once were. I am so sorry. So, so sorry, Adrianna. I see you. I see everything about you, what you are feeling, what you are thinking, and I die a little more inside every day not being able to give us what we both need."
"And what is it we both need, Kova?" I whispered against his lips, yearning to press mine to his. He swallowed thickly, then grazed mine ever so softly.
"Each other, Adrianna. We need each other."
Each day Kova slowly cooled the fiery embers that fell from my heart. He was extinguishing my rage toward him and reigniting my passion for life. I felt his composure dissolve.
"Do you really just happen to have everything at your house?" I asked, my chest tight. He'd done so much for me yet he’d hurt me just the same.
He nodded, breathing hard. I clenched his shirt, my hands forming fists at his silent response.
