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"Oh, it's fine. Nothing to worry about," I said.
She paid me no attention. Looking up, she called for one of the assistant coaches and began speaking in what sounded like a mixture of Russian and Polish. I wanted to ask her, but I had a feeling she wouldn't be open to small talk the way Kova was.
"I'm fine, really," I said, but she was waving something over.
Sports tape.
As Coach Elena stretched the tape out, her gaze took note of how inflamed it actually was. She bent a little more, scrutinizing it, and without moving her head, she raised her hard eyes to mine. My stomach clenched in fear. For a small, petite woman, she frightened me.
"Coach Konstantin and I go way back. You understand?"
I nodded slowly, knowing what she was asking without actually saying it. She pinched the back of my ankle and I sucked in a deep breath, almost crying out. She noticed my reaction immediately.
"You limp, you show weakness," she said matter-of-factly, then stretched the tape up my calf muscle and pressed down. I winced and huffed in pain, but she showed no mercy.
"Weakness makes you doubt yourself." She placed another piece of tape down. "It makes me doubt you. Weakness is a choice. Stop limping. Eliminate pain from your world. Block it out. Pretend like it does not exist, or I will be forced to make modifications that will not serve you."
I nodded vehemently, keeping my mouth tight-lipped. She taped my ankle up and motioned for me to stand.
Two hours later and all the gymnasts were showing signs of slowing down. My calf throbbed wickedly, and I worried this week would reverse all the healing progress I'd made. Still, I tightened my ponytail and looked ahead. Even if I was given a choice to take a break or keep going, I would've continued, despite the excruciating pain working itself up my leg. In my gut, I'd never give up.
And then, it started…
"Mistakes. Show me you do not care!" Coach Elena yelled at no one and all of us. "I guess you do not want this."
"Performance takes bravery, you look like scared little kittens! Olympians are scared of nothing!"
She clucked her tongue, looking as us with shame. "You girls are a dime a dozen. A. Dime. A. Dozen."
"Flexed feet show lack of control and sloppiness."
"Smile. Show me you actually believe in what you are doing."
"Did you just roll your eyes at me?" My heart dropped. She wasn't speaking to me, but to another gymnast, and I feared for her. The girl shook her head nervously back and forth. "You are done. Get out!"
"You are not trying hard enough! If you do not complete the pass correctly, and clean, you are gone. I can have you replaced like this," Coach Elena said and snapped her fingers.
One girl over rotated and landed on her ass with a hard bounce, then rolled backwards and crushed her head into the floor. Her head snapped back and I gasped, covering my mouth at the harsh angle. It might have been a spring floor, but it still hurt.
"Get up. Do it again," Elena demanded.
"But my neck hurts," the gymnast said, clutching the back of her head. Her voice squeaked, and I wondered how old she was. She appeared to be much younger than me.
"That is your fault," Elena responded, not giving a single care as she pointed at her. "Now get back there and do it again. And do it right."
The girl shook her head. With that landing, I wouldn't want to tumble again either. "I think something is wrong with my neck," her voice squeaked again.
Coach Elena scowled at her like she wasn't worth the ground she walked on. "You are a disgrace. A mockery of those who would kill to be here. You must not want it bad enough."
The young gymnast boldly perked up. She pulled her shoulders back, pushed her chin up, and delicately walked over to the corner of the floor, the heels of her feet coming close to the white out-of-bounds tape. Much like everyone here, she wanted to prove herself, but there was no mistaking the unease and horror in her eyes as she exhaled a lungful of nervous air.
"This is something you have been doing for years, there should be no reason as to why you are making mistakes," Elena egged on, clapping her hands loudly en
ough to draw unwanted attention.
There truly were no reasons for her mistake, but shit happens in gymnastics that sometimes we can't control, and reflecting on how horribly we were treated here, I wasn't surprised in the least by her performance. My heart ached for her.
"You are wasting my time. Maybe you should not even be here." Elena reminded me of Kova with her lack of contractions.
