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Her brows puckered together. "Aren't you going to tell him?"
"No. I think I'm just going to have an abortion."
The silence was earsplitting.
My heart dropped.
Reality set in and we were both still as we looked at each other, our expression mirroring each other's.
I'd already made my decision without processing it until just now.
I was seventeen, and I was going to have an abortion.
My chest deflated, lungs ached for air. The response was so fluid it caught me by surprise. The consequences for having unprotected sex and being irresponsible. Tears filled my eyes again, and my jaw trembled. I knew I'd regret this choice for the rest of my life. Yet the words spilled from my lips because I also knew what I had to do all along.
"I can't have a baby. I'm too young… right? I've come too far for that." A sob escaped me. "I know that's so selfish of me, but I just can't," I whispered, thinking it would lessen my decision. "I just can't," I paused, then told her how I really felt. "I can't imagine actually getting rid of it either."
"You have to tell him," she said softly.
"I don't want to. He's married, and he once said some harsh things about me getting pregnant and what he would do."
Avery groaned into the phone. She knew what I was talking about and she didn't like it.
"Stop thinking about the past. Think about how far you guys have come, how much you guys have grown. Regardless of what his choice is, he still needs to know. It's his right. Don't not tell him. You'll only regret it and then you'll have to live with that regret."
I sighed inwardly. Quietly, I said, "I know I need to tell him. Eventually I will."
"It sucks, Aid. Every day I blame myself for not pushing harder to talk things out with Xavier. It's horrible. Plus, you're going to need time to rest anyway. He has to know."
"Rest?"
"You'll need some time off for bed rest. When I miscarried, I had to rest for a good week or so. I had so much bleeding and my stomach killed me. The cramps are way worse than a period. There's no way you can practice like that."
"Bed rest?" My voice peaked. "But you were further along than me. Maybe I won’t need that."
"I think after a specific number of weeks you have to have a procedure done. But I could be wrong. I couldn't just bleed everything out, I had to have it sucked out."
My lips parted in disbelief and I shook my head hastily. Sucked out sounded terrifying and dehumanizing. I wouldn't let it get that far. There was literally no time left in my schedule for bed rest, let alone a procedure. I had one international meet left where the team was selected, and then by some miracle, the Olympics. Two months max until it was all over. No time to rest. Not until after the Games, if I got to them.
"Two months until everything I've worked for is over. After that, I'll figure it out."
Her eyes widened. "Aid, that's a terrible idea. Probably the dumbest one you've had to date. You don’t even know how far along you are. Maybe you can just take a pill or something—there are abortion pills—but waiting is not a good idea."
"I can't tell him," I panicked. "I'm not telling him. I'll just go to a clinic or something. I can't go to my regular doctor either. They'll have to tell my dad and he can't know. I'll search for a place online."
I swear she paled. Avery’s face moved closer to the screen. "Listen to me. You're making a huge mistake. Tell him, Adrianna."
"I—"
"And you can't just go to some random clinic." Her voice rose, and I felt the alarm in her words. "Don't be stupid."
I rubbed my face, closing my eyes. "What a mess. I don't know what I'm going to do. I mean, I do, ugh. This really sucks."
"Start by telling him and go from there. He has a right to know," she urged softly. "Please, if you never listen to me again, make this the one time you do."
"He's going to be angry."
My stomach knotted tighter just thinking about telling him. I didn't even know where to begin, how to start the conversation, I couldn't fathom a response that would be less than negative. There was no right way to tell Kova I was pregnant with his child.
