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"No, I'm good. I just want to go home and crash. Can you pick me up for practice tomorrow?"
He nodded. At a red light, he angled his body my way. "Are you okay, though? You look pale, Aid."
"I'm just a little overworked and lacking sleep. I'll be fine."
"I'm worried about you. It's unlike you to leave practice early. Who's going to look after you when I'm gone?" He smiled sweetly.
"Ugh. Don't remind me that you're leaving," I whined. I was going to miss Hayden dearly when he left for college. "I can't believe you're leaving me here with Reagan." I stuck my index finger in my mouth and pretended to gag myself.
"You aren't going to be stuck with her for much longer. She'll be leaving for Louisiana around the same time."
"I totally forgot about that." Reagan had accepted a partial scholarship from the University of Louisiana.
About ten minutes later, Hayden pulled into my complex, right up to the front sliding glass doors to drop me off. "Thanks again for being there for me. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Anytime. Want me to come up?"
I shook my head but offered a gracious smile. I didn't want him getting the wrong idea. I'd rather buy a rope and hang myself before that ever happened again.
Seven
I had only a handful of competitions left that I needed to attend—and qualify for—in order to go to Worlds, which was an absolute must if I wanted to make the Olympic team, God willing. World Championships were typically held out of the country and lasted for a week since there were so many qualifying rounds. There were other ways to qualify, but this was the most logical way and the least stressful.
Once I arrived at World Cup, I automatically ran two miles before changing into my leotard. I was thirsty and drank almost a whole bottle of water before I left the locker room. Yesterday was rough, but it was behind me. I was determined to make today better.
I smiled to myself and stepped inside the gym, embracing the chalky air and spirit around me. I was eager for practice to begin so I could take my mind off the reality of my life and what I was up against.
It was hard to wrap my mind around the fact that just as I was starting to come back from heartbreak, my body decided to betray me. This quietness that had taken over stuck to me like superglue. I didn't want it. I wanted it to leave, only, I didn't know how to make it go away. Instead, it grew with each passing second like an impending sense of doom. I felt different inside, alone, a little paranoid and completely isolated. I decided the more I practiced, and the more time I spent inside World Cup, that it would eventually go away. It had to.
I just wanted to be myself again. Only now I feared the way the cells in my body were destroying each other I woul
d never reach my full potential as a gymnast, and that was devastating to me. Gymnastics was my life. I couldn't imagine not being able to do it.
I glanced around at everyone on the different events, looking for the one person who seemed to calm my worry without even knowing he did.
One look at Kova, and I could tell that he, too, looked like he hadn't slept all night. Dark circles lined his eyes and a thicker scruff dusted his chin. When he turned his head in my direction, I could see the anguish tormenting him. My heart clenched at the longing gaze in his eyes. He was staring back at me, asking for something he couldn’t put into words. He didn't have to. I felt what he was saying, because I felt the same way.
I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my palms, then walked over to the balance beam where he stood.
"Adrianna, can we speak for a moment?" Kova asked.
Kova let his guard down for me to see and I studied him. There was no life in his eyes, no color at all. We were both numb. I was used to the empty feeling, but I didn't like seeing him like that. It bothered me immensely.
"Is it okay if we wait until after practice? I really just want to get to work."
He looked at me, brows bunched together, and gave one firm nod. Maybe he needed the release in the same manner I did that gymnastics gave me.
We practiced for hours on balance beam, breaking down my routine and working on connections, sequences, jumps, and leaps. Whatever Kova suggested, I did in silence, and I made sure I did it well. Each landing was soft, light and airy. Kova didn't commend me—it was rare he actually ever did—but I could tell I was practicing well because he didn't ridicule me either. He almost seemed pleased. There wasn't one balance check. I didn't fall, and I stuck the majority of my dismounts on soft mats. Even my turns were nearly on point, though not all, because turning on your toes was actually harder than doing backflips on the four-inch wide beam. Go figure, but it was true.
I knew now that pushing myself wasn't the brightest idea I’d ever had, but I didn't have any another options. I was backed against a wall. I didn't want kidney disease to be what stole gymnastics from me. If I never achieved my dream, it was going to be because of me, not because a disease stronger than me took it.
I hardly spoke until Kova finally cornered me when we rotated to vault.
"What is wrong with you today?" he asked, his voice low and laced with curiosity.
I shrugged one shoulder and averted my gaze. I watched my teammates. "Nothing. I'm fine."
Kova shifted on his feet. "Listen, if this is about yesterday—"
