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"Sit down."
I didn't sit down. I toed the line. "I have a lot on my mind, okay? Think about when you were in my shoes and where your head was. How close you were to your damn goal and terrified that anything could go wrong at any given minute." I held my chest. "That's how I feel right now. We're so close to having it all. Don't tell me you were cool as a cucumber while under stress the entire time. You are not that perfect. No one is."
Kova's eyes widened and he stood.
"I almost ran to you today, Adrianna! In front of everyone!" he yelled. His voice echoed around the room and I reared back. "I saw the look on your face…in your eyes. I could feel it, feel you screaming for me to help you. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to hold back? Any idea? What is going on with you and why will you not tell me?"
I glanced around in a panic. I was too ashamed to look him in the eyes.
"No one is here. Now, tell me what is wrong. Please. I cannot take it anymore."
Eleven
My chest rose and fell fast. "Nothing is wrong," I murmured.
He leaned his head down toward mine. "You are lying to me." His voice was low and controlled. "You look sick, Adrianna. You are pale, you have dark circles under your eyes. Something is off. Give me your keys."
I scoffed. "We are not doing that again. And I could say the same for you, Coach. You look tired and have bags under your eyes. You haven't shaved in days and you're constantly lost in your thoughts. Most days you look absolutely miserable, but I don't push. I don't invade your personal space. I give you room to breathe."
"I am miserable! The only time I feel anything at all is when I am here, with you. And what I feel lately is detachment and sorrow. It is eating away at me." He shook his head. "You should push me, just like I push you. Outside these walls I feel numbness. I hate leaving here. You are the only light I have in my life, but right now, all I see is darkness in you and I do not like it."
My lips parted and my breathing deepened. He was getting too close to home and that terrified me. "Stop," I whispered. But he didn't. Kova stepped closer to me and I sucked in a breath. "Stop," I repeated.
"Sometimes we need people to push us, Adrianna. We want it. And I think you want me to push you. Just like I wish you would push me."
I shook my head and felt the tears climbing. He was right. I did want him to push me. I was unsteady, lost, scared. I needed someone to hold me.
I tried to step aside but Kova stopped me. "We were making progress, you and me. And then something changed in you and you woke up a different person."
"Yeah, I remembered you're married," I said defensively.
His vibrant green eyes darkened and his eyelids lowered to slits. Shifting on my feet, I deflected and glanced at the wall. That was a low blow. I didn't care that he was married. He knew that. His wedding band had never stopped me. It sure as hell had never stopped him either.
I turned and looked up at him. The turbulent look in his eyes pleaded with me to open up to him. "I'm sorry. My back hurts, okay? It's killing me and it’s honestly the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. Since I can't take Motrin, I just have to deal with it. I thought that ointment shit would help it, so I was going to get it. That's all. Haven't you ever trained on a strained muscle? It's not that easy, you know."
Kova studied me. His eyes traced over my face, taking my features in. I stared back at him, hoping my words were enough to get him off me. It wasn't exactly a lie, but it wasn't the t
ruth either. A pulled muscle didn't make someone this sick. It didn't cause persistent nausea or fever or dry mouth. A strained muscle didn't make me feel like I was actually dying. Or cause constant headaches. It wouldn't cause weakness everywhere.
"I know you are lying to me."
Letting go of my arm, he walked around his desk and opened one of the drawers. After shifting things around, he pulled out a tube of something and a box, then he was standing in front of me again.
I glanced down at the red, green, and white tube of ointment he was offering me. The box was the same thing, except they were in pad form.
"You just happen to have that in your desk?" I asked, my voice full of skepticism.
"Adrianna, I am a gymnastics coach. I am always prepared. I have a whole bunch of shit in that drawer. Take it."
I pursed my lips together and nodded my appreciation.
"Do you need me to apply it for you? I saw you grab your back a few times today. The gel may be hard for you to reach to rub in, but the medicated pads should be easy for you to apply. They just stick on."
"I think I can do it. Thanks, though."
I reached for the items, but he pulled them back. My eyes shot up.
"Let me do it for you, please. Let me help you."
