AllFreeNovel
Share Us
"No," I whispered, and turned away to open the door.
"I know you are still angry with me and have been for a while now. I deserve it. I know what you are feeling has a lot to do with the secrets you hold inside. So, give me your worst. There is nothing you can do that I have not already felt anyway."
My breathing deepened, each breath lifting my emotions to the point of no return.
"You have no idea what you're talking about." I gritted my teeth. "I want to explode, okay? I want to punch things. I want to cry and scream and ask why me?
?? Why me? What did I do to deserve this life? These odds? In the blink of an eye, my world changed overnight with things you have no idea about. I've been holding everything in for so long, on top of training and fighting against myself, and I just want to let go and do it alone. Why can't you understand that? Why can't anyone just let me be? Why does everyone have some sort of secret about me that just destroys my life?" I asked, my voice rising and tears climbing again. "Just go away, damn it."
A couple of hours ago I’d dreaded the thought of being isolated. Now that Kova was aware of my secret and had known about it for so long, I craved the seclusion. I felt weird inside. I didn't want him to see me any differently, but he already did.
He ran a hand down his face, then looked me directly in the eye. "I know about your mother. Frank told me what happened. I know everything, Adrianna."
All the air left my lungs again for the second time today. That was it. The tears fell again, harder, faster, and I couldn't stop them. I didn't want to. My head spun as my world spiraled away with one admission at a time.
"Why… Why did you not tell me?" Kova asked, the hurt in his voice did not go unnoticed. "You should have told me."
Prickles of resentment rolled down my arms. I bit the inside of my lip, trying to keep my composure, but knew there was very little to hold on to.
Any second I was going to burst. The dam was going to break and it was just going to come out.
"I should have told you? You have some nerve to tell me that after everything you've done. You know why I didn't tell you? Because it's none of your damn business, that's why. It has nothing to do with you! It doesn't affect your life."
He stepped closer and I pressed a hand to his chest. Inches from my face, he breathed down at me. "Like hell it does not. Everything you do has to do with me. Do you not see that by now?"
I scoffed and shoved at his chest but he didn't budge, and it only made me angrier.
"It's not, though. Not everything is about you. In fact, it has nothing to do with you! It's about me and my life, not yours. So, fuck off, Kova." I paused. "You know what? I'm done with this conversation. Done with you in my face. Done with the lies. Just done with all the bullshit. I wish I could just disappear."
I turned around and opened my door to slip inside. I tried to shut it but Kova was quick and pushed himself in. His cell phone rang and the tone set me off.
Kova answered the phone and I used it to my advantage by pushing him out the door. I shoved and pushed and dug my heels into the floor to get him out, but he was stronger.
He positioned the phone between his shoulder and ear and used both of his hands to subdue me. He kicked the door shut and grabbed me by my upper arms and backed me up while he spoke Russian into the phone. I fought him but it wasn't enough. He walked forward until I was against the breakfast bar where I usually ate. I could have yelled but I really didn't need any more of Katja's wrath. Thunder cracked outside and I yelped. I looked over my shoulder toward the sliding glass door. I'd forgotten to shut the hurricane shutters.
Face pulled tight and twisted with irritation, Kova shook his head for me to stay quiet while he spoke over Katja's high-pitched Russian. I cringed. Her voice was like nails on a chalkboard. They were speaking at the same time and over each other. I gathered they were fighting, but I couldn't be sure. I didn't really care.
My back hit the marble and Kova stepped up to me. I drew in a quiet breath, lips parting as his body was flushed against mine. I resented him for how I felt when he touched me. I resented my body. I resented us and everything we'd become.
I swallowed hard and licked my lips. I felt us click together, just like we always did.
Kova's Russian slowed to a whisper. He frowned at me, gazing at my tear-stained cheeks until his eyes moved to my lips while Katja continued to scream. I felt his sadness, his longing. I felt him, and I didn't want to. I wanted to stay numb to the world. Life was easier that way, but with Kova by my side, it was nearly impossible. He was my light, my life, my protector, even when I didn't want him to be.
Kova shook his head and mumbled something, which only set Katja off again. I leaned back, fighting us as he leaned in closer. My heart raced. Using the heel of my hand, I pushed at his jaw, angling his head back, hoping he'd back off. A vein strained along the length of his neck and the days old black stubble scraped my palm, but he fought me by holding my wrist down. Kova's body hardened, heating against mine, willing it to life.
This is what we did. What we were good at.
I whimpered, missing the strength of his body against mine, the way he'd make me forget everything when it was just us. Kova was so strong. He had no idea how much I drew from him for weeks until that dreadful day at the doctor’s office. Since then, I hadn't been myself, and now that it was just me and him, I felt myself awakening again. I felt that pull, that strength I needed only he could give me. My emotions simmered at the surface and that scared me. I wanted to fight him, to unleash everything I had in me on him. And I wanted him to fight me back.
Breathing heavily, our chests mimicked each other's as he descended again. I pushed him away and turned my head, giving him my cheek. Russian words not meant for me danced across my skin as he kissed where the tears had fallen. I squeezed my eyes shut and it broke me inside how gentle he was being. He wanted to help, but I didn't want the nice guy Kova. I wanted him to fume and walk away.
Kova inhaled deeply and dragged his nose through my hair. He continued to pepper little kisses all over my cheek, nuzzling me. His hot breath tickled my neck and I let out a small cry, cursing myself for it. Goose bumps broke out over my skin and I trembled against him, hating the need to feel every inch of him.
Gripping the phone in one hand, Kova pulled back just an inch to peer down at me. His piercing eyes held me captive, and for a moment there were no barriers between us. It was just the two of us. He breathed life into me and I inhaled it deeply into my lungs.
There were a lot of things I didn't understand in this crazy world. But the most peculiar thing was that of me and Kova. He had no morals and I had no dignity. We willingly stripped each other of everything except us. When I needed to be alone, when I felt lost and empty, he forced himself into my life. Just like the few times when he actually admitted to needing me, I gave him every inch and then some without reason. I was positive I'd never understand this savage push and pull we fed off of, but then again, some things were not meant to be explained.
But that look. I knew that look. It was the look that made my heart skip a beat. Kova was going to kiss me, and the thought provoked something inside my heart. Even when I didn't want him here, when I was so angry at the world for the cards I'd been dealt, and even while he spoke to his wife on the phone, he was going to kiss me.
