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"I will. Do you think he'll show up tomorrow?"
"I think when you told him everything, including your love is making you sicker, that put shit into perspective for him. Aid, even I felt that, and I don't even love you like that." We both laughed. "But you know why it hurt when I felt it? Because it's the damn truth and it fucking sucks. Kova knows that, that's why he didn't argue with you. So, no, I don't think he'll show up."
"Aren't we too young to feel heartache like this?" I joked, then rubbed at the tightness in my chest. Wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, I sat up a little straighter and exhaled.
"I'm learning that there are no rules in the game of love." Avery was wistful.
"I'm forfeiting now."
We both laughed again then said our goodbyes, with a promise that I'd call her first thing tomorrow. I was still suck in the corner of the couch with no will to get up.
Slouching down, I clicked on the picture icon on my phone and scrolled through photos I'd saved of Kova and me, looking for a specific one. I didn't have many, but I had enough that even in spite of my broken heart it still held memories I never wanted to forget.
I stopped scrolling when I found it. I stared, unblinking at the image that brought tears to my eyes. Only, I wasn't looking at just the image. I pictured myself standing in the room watching the pair take a selfie together. They were at ease with each other and I found myself longing for it. She was a tiny, happy thing snuggled in his strong arms. He was protective over her, though she didn't know it yet. Laid back and in love were a few words I'd use to describe the feeling on his face as he lifted the phone, and with a few clicks, he captured this photo.
It was the day he came to my hotel room after I had to attend and watch the meet he wouldn't allow me to compete in. He'd pulled me onto his lap after and asked what I'd learned. I'd resented him leading up to that day until understanding had dawned on me. His motives were genuine, the outcome constructive, but the way he delivered them was usually questionable. It was a day I would never forget. I thought it was when I really started to feel something for Kova.
It was also when he’d said we were a team, exhaling and inhaling together. I was his weakness and he was my strength. We inspired each other, and we pushed each other to be better people than the day before. He was the beast beneath my beauty, pushing me, he'd said.
It was all true, and that's what broke me down.
Tears filled my eyes. The longer I stared at the picture, the more I longed to feel safe in Kova's arms again.
Pressing down on the image, I saved it as my wallpaper.
Fift
y-Two
I startled awake and sat upright, listening.
I thought I heard a bang.
Blinking my blurry eyes, I glanced around and yawned. I must've fallen asleep on the couch. I spotted my cell phone on the floor and realized that was the sound that woke me. I picked it up and checked the time. It was close to midnight. I tucked it into my stomach then curled onto my side. That space in between just falling asleep and really sleeping was—
Knock, knock, knock.
I froze, my hand clenching my cell phone tighter. My body instantly warmed. Staring at the front door, I knew who stood on the other side without having to guess. I breathed and felt goose bumps pebble my skin.
There was a small part of me that secretly hoped he'd show.
I placed my phone down and stood on unsteady legs. I crossed the carpet and reached for the knob. I stilled for a moment. My heart was pounding in my throat. I didn't have to open the door. I could pretend I was asleep. It would be the right thing to do, and then I wouldn't feel guilty about lying to people about him. He knocked again, this time a little heavier.
My heart was racing.
I swallowed thickly and asked myself what I wanted.
Without a second thought, I reached for the lock and unbolted it.
Holding my breath, I pulled the door open and found Kova leaning against the frame. Both of his elbows were pressed against the sides to hold him up and his legs were crossed at his ankles. His head hung miserably between his shoulders and he was staring at the floor.
I didn't have to say anything, and neither did he.
My stomach was a knotted mess seeing him like this.
I felt his despair coming from a mile away. I was sure he felt my sorrow when I was looking at our pictures earlier and reminiscing. My fingers twitched. I knew if I took one more step it would change the course of the night for us. The knots in my stomach were growing. I could be strong in my personal pursuit, but I could also be human and allow us one more night. Kova came to me. He was leaving the choice up to me.
I reached for him.
