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Kova was drawn. Lost. I felt him dying inside at the knowledge there was nothing we could do to save us. His defeat stripped me bare. It overrode who he was as a person, and that was upsetting. I didn't want to lose him.
Helplessly, he dropped my braid. "I wanted to give you something before you left."
I wiped my eyes, then dried my palms on my thighs as Kova retrieved the bag he brought in. I'd forgotten about it and realized that was the sound I heard behind me when we hugged.
Kova walked over and placed it on the kitchen counter, then reached inside. Once I got home from the Olympics, I hadn't been able to wear the necklace and bracelet set he'd given me for my birthday since Dad and Sophia were often around. I didn't want them to question me, or worse, take it away. I packed it first and told myself that once I was settled in Oklahoma I would never take it off.
I gasped and covered my mouth when my eyes landed on our spiral bound notebook. A memory flashed through my mind and I stifled a sad chuckle.
"Why did you laugh?"
I looked up at him. "Do you remember when I had this idea and what you said to me?" A crease lined the space between his brows. "You said it was the worst idea and you didn't want to do it."
His eyes flashed and he gave me a lopsided grin. He remembered.
My heart was thumping at the sight of it, wondering who'd had their dirty hands on it and read our personal letters. These words were ours, and ours alone. It upset me thinking someone read the personal thoughts I fought so hard to get from Kova.
"Where did you find it?" I asked. I hadn't seen it in months, not since Katja stole it and did who knows what with it.
"I got it back from Katja."
My skeptical eyes lifted to his. "What did you have to do to get it?"
He lowered his gaze. "Before I left here the other day, you said something that stuck with me. You said our love makes you sicker."
My jaw trembled and my nostrils flared trying to hold in my emotions. I had regretted saying that immediately after it left my mouth.
"You are right," Kova said quietly, like it was final, and that filled me with dread. "Our love does make you sicker. I hate myself for it because I know I am a huge part in that." He shook his head, struggling to finish. "That was it. It really hit me just how sorry I am for what I put you through when I married her. I broke you."
I moved closer to him, but he stepped back and put his hand up. I frowned.
"You didn't break me. I'm still here."
He lifted his eyes to mine. "I broke you that day, and you were not the same for a long time afterward." My heart ached hearing him confess his most private thoughts. "Regardless, you will never understand how sorry I am for what I did. I thought I lost you for good and made it my mission to fix it. I wish I could void out that part of my life like it never happened." Kova paused, his eyes were glistening. "But then I wonder if we would be where we are now…" His voice trailed off. "So, when I left here yesterday, I picked up a bottle of vodka on my way home and started to pack her things once I got there."
"Kova, you left early in the morning."
He gave me a knowing look. "I was drunk all day." I chuckled sadly under my breath, and he continued. No wonder he looked like shit when I opened the door. "To be completely transparent, I felt bad for her and thought giving her time was fair. I thought I was doing the right thing for both of you. The situation is not so easy to walk away from and start over. Katja and I have a lot of history. I did her wrong, she did me wrong." He paused, then finally handed me our notebook. "There is no reason for her to live with me, even if we are in the process of a divorce, not if it means I am going to lose you forever. You mean too much to me to chance that. I did not mean to upset you with that decision. I was just trying to do right."
My chest was hollow. "Kova—"
"No, let me finish."
I closed my mouth and my shoulders drooped. He was so resolute in us that fresh tears streamed down my cheeks. The dark circles under his eyes now had a cause. He'd been relentless in his pursuit of us. I think I lov
ed him more for that.
"I packed up everything in the bedroom she slept in. I got her a hotel room for two weeks, then I changed my locks and froze her accounts. Katja has plenty of cash and can afford it, or she can make the bastard who got her pregnant pay." Kova glanced away and ran his tongue over his bottom lip. "They were planning to blackmail me and use our affair against me to get what they wanted."
My brows rose as fury flowed through my veins. I was stunned into silence. How heartless of them. I didn't have a leg to stand on, but I was not a vindictive person either.
Kova didn't care about money. He probably would've given her anything she asked for because he was guilty himself and that sickened him. He'd struggled with us until I pushed him to snap. With help from Joy, all Katja focused on was revenge. It was easy when someone was whispering in their ear the whole time.
"I learned their plans shortly after I was released." Kova paused, then said, "I know you are skeptical when it comes to Katja, but I need you to know I am no longer living with her."
My brows lowered. He was right. I did feel a different way when it came to Katja and how he treated her. I wasn't sure I could ever let go of those feelings unless he was completely separated from her and they never spoke again.
"How did you manage to do all of this so quickly? What about World Cup? Please tell me you didn't do anything drastic."
