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I had a good chuckle over her lack of contractions. Every once in a while, my kids sounded like me and I found it hysterical. Now I understood why Adrianna made jokes about it.
"It is scary. Can I just do the other ones and not that one today?"
"Are you still thinking about when you slipped off yesterday?" Adrianna responded, and Svetlana nodded, her chin staying tight to her chest.
Reaching for her, my wife picked up Svetlana and cradled her to her hip. She sniffled and placed her thumb in her mouth. Normally I was against Adrianna picking up the children while she was pregnant, unless it was Lili, but I never said anything when it came to Svetlana.
Her muscle tone had been very weak since she was born. She had to be supported for a solid two years by us holding up her and her neck. Adrianna and I had worked diligently with our daughter to build muscle tone through play.
Doctors firmly believed that Svetlana's hypotonia was actually caused by muscular dystrophy.
Svetlana had no idea gymnastics was more about rehabilitation for her than the actual sport. We did not want to push her to do the balance beam. We both had agreed that if our kids did not want to play the sport, then they did not have to, but for Svetlana who actually liked gymnastics, it was part of her therapy. We gave her a nudge on all the events. She needed gymnastics to live.
"I guess I'll be on beam for the next hour," Adrianna said happily. She planted a kiss to my lips then waddled away. It was a struggle for me to let her go, but our daughter needed her, and, well, Adrianna needed this too.
For the next hour I watched while my fearless wife helped coach our daughter. Tonight I would have to make sure I take the girls so she can get a little extra rest. It was rare when she told me she was tired and wanted to relax, but I knew how much the pregnancies drained her. She was my other half—I felt what she did. Adrianna was determined to be there for her kids. I loved her so much for that and did not want to take it away from her, so I had to be creative about making sure she did not overdo it. Like taking parent duties the entire night. Svetlana was still in pull-ups, and Mia was already fighting us about staying up later. Nastia never liked to sleep and half the time she would climb into Mia's bed. Putting them to sleep could be exhausting, especially if you were pregnant.
After Adrianna had undergone the transplant surgery, the last thing we had expected was to conceive again. We had not even given it a thought, truthfully. Mia had been a newborn when Adrianna's kidneys failed and she was rushed into surgery. She had fought hard to be able to be a mother to our daughter while recovering. Adrianna was, to this day, trying to do her best to keep up with our girls despite being placed on bed rest. I could not take that from her.
Juggling World Cup, my children, and a very pregnant wife was a challenge. Danilo and Madeline took my teams while I stayed with my wife twenty-four seven. Luckily, Sophia stepped in and offered to help. The woman was a godsend, a true blessing. She did not have a single mean bone in her body and often reminded me of my late mother, who Svetlana was named after. I would like to think they would have gotten along well.
Lili was now sleeping in her stroller a couple of feet from me while I was coaching the elite girls on beam. I overheard Adrianna walk Svetlana through her fears and encourage her back onto the lower balance beam. She told Svetlana stories of how she used to be scared and said it was okay to feel that way because one day it would go away.
Like mother, like daughter, I thought. They both hated the balance beam.
"Dade," she said, standing on the floor beam. "Ya smotri."
My lips twitched and I walked over to her. She wanted me to watch her. Svetlana's Russian was mixed with English and typically backwards. We did not have the heart to correct her yet. She was too cute for words when she tried to speak.
Grabbing both of my wife's index fingers for support, Svetlana slowly walked the beam. Her legs shook and her fingers were screaming red from holding onto her mother. I shot a glance over her head to my wife, and our eyes locked. I was not sure if it was possible to fall in love with someone a little more every day, but I did with her. She was a wife, a mother, my other half. My world revolved around her and our children.
Our soft smiles mimicked each other’s, but there was a sadness inside of me I was hiding from everyone, including Adrianna. Seeing Svetlana walk the balance beam without tears was a big moment for us.
Svetlana was the runt of the twins. Nastia had crushed her in the womb. We had initially thought she was just a lazy baby with floppy limbs, but when she continued to miss the milestones while her twin surpassed them with flying colors, we took her into the pediatrician to have her examined.
Adrianna was neurotic these days and took the girls in for every little thing.
"Come on, baby girl, you can do it." Adrianna encouraged softly.
I could hear the tears in her voice that she worked hard to hide. She was terrified she was going to pass her illnesses down to her children, and she felt responsible in some way for Svetlana's disease.
We both had deep fears we did not speak of.
That did not mean we were not aware of them. We were. And we addressed them without making it obvious. It was how we worked, otherwise it was too easy for the both of us to slip into darkness and spread ruin. Communication was key, Adrianna had said.
Adrianna's gaze was fixated on Svetlana's feet, watching her step one shaky foot in front of the other. That way if she slipped, my wife would catch her before she had the chance to fall so she did not lose her courage. We planned to incorporate calf raises into her practices to help steady her ankles.
Svetlana glanced up, her dark eyes glimmering. Her cheeks had the cutest dimples when she was really happy, and right now they were all I could see.
My daughter glanced into my eyes and I nearly lost my breath. My children were my life and I felt this need to protect them at all costs. I never knew this kind of love existed.
Letting go, she held her little body as tight as she could, then walked straight to me.
"You did it, my sweet malyshka," I said, then scooped her up into my arms. I held her tight, giving her an exaggerated kiss on her cheek. She giggled and kicked her legs excitedly against my stomach. I held her back to support her. "I am so proud of you. Soon you will be doing flips off it."
"Mommy said she was scared."
Her lisp melted my heart.
