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I thought for a second when it hit me.
"I thought you wanted a boy."
We were actually having a boy. Finally.
A healthy boy ahead of his due date by a few weeks, actually. He was already so big, bigger than the girls.
She lifted her head and her green eyes shifted back and forth between mine, filling with tears. Her lips turned into a frown and my chest started to feel tight from seeing her like this.
"Adrianna? Sweetheart? What is wrong?"
"I just…" She stammered, her chin wobbling before she burst into tears. I wrapped my arms around her. "I just… It just hurts to name him after my dad when he's no longer here anymore. He wanted a grandson so badly, you know? And now all these feelings are back and I'm just really upset."
Her tears were falling faster now and I had nothing but my shirt to offer her. She couldn’t stop crying, so I lifted the hem and gave it to her. She wiped her eyes and then sniffled.
Frank had gone into cardiac arrest three months ago and passed away suddenly. Adrianna thought she was good at hiding her grief, but I saw it every day and mourned her loss with her.
He loved all his granddaughters equally and spoiled the shit out of them, but he wanted a grandson. He wanted to be able to teach him golf and watch sports with him.
It had taken a while, but after Mia was born, Frank finally accepted us. Adrianna had joked that first he did not want us to be together, then he was telling us to have more kids. In the end, he had nothing but love for his daughter, and wanted to see her happy.
"I just can't believe we finally get a boy and he's not here. It's so unfair."
Her voice was so small and she trembled against me. All I could do was hold her closer to me.
"Malysh, please do not cry."
Adrianna sniffled and burrowed her head against me. She wrapped her arms around me.
I stroked the back of her head and played with her hair. "It is bittersweet, but that seems to be our theme, yes?"
She nodded quietly.
"You can change the name, you know," I told her gently.
She shook her head and looked up. "No, I don't want to change it. I'm just sad he's not here to see we finally have a boy. He won't get to hold him…" Her watery eyes studied mine. "Unless we should name him after you." She paused, then said, "We should probably do that. How about we make one long name?"
"You allowed me to name the twins after my mother. Whatever you name our son, I will be happy with. I promise."
Her chin quivered and she looked so fucking adorable. I kissed her lips, and she said, "Really? So, if I wanted to name him Konstantin Frank Rossi-Kournakova you would be okay?"
"I think it sounds like a mouthful, but if it is what you want, then yes."
Her lips puckered and I returned the gesture knowing she was purposely baiting me. Her face was pinched, twisting with indecision. She was quiet for a long moment, visibly torn between names. Truly, I did not care. I would be happy either way.
Cupping her face, I smashed a kiss to her lips.
"How about we decide when he is born? That way we can look at him to see which name fits him best," I offered. I did not want her stressing out over this right now. We had time. "Just want to add again that I am okay with whatever you want to do."
She leaned up and pressed a kiss to my lips, then let out a heavy breath, and nodded. Gratitude blanketed her face. "Thank you," she said softly. "I'm ready to go home, hubby. Let us go get our babies."
Later that night when my wife and kids were long asleep, I took out my journal and penned my thoughts for an hour or so.
Only when I filled a journal was Adrianna allowed to read my entries. She loved to see what I was writing, and was always trying to peek over my shoulder. She too now had a journal and traded with me. She only filled one over the years, though, because she was so busy with the kids.
Adrianna shifted in her sleep and whimpered under her breath. She rubbed a spot on her stomach and scissored her legs. I placed my pen down and reached over.
Carefully, I slid a pillow under her growing belly and then one between her knees. Our bed was overflowing with foo-foo pillows she had accumulated over the years.
