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"I was dramatic and screamed. Obviously, I wasn't thinking clearly. I do love him, you know that, but I should've left that out. Dad called it puppy love. He insisted I don't love him. Honestly, though, I felt like he was saying that more to himself than to me."
"We'll, ah, just blame your raging pregnancy emotions for going the extra mile. I still can't believe you did that."
"I know, I wish I hadn't." I clenched my eyes shut trying to block out how let down Dad had looked.
She was quiet before she eased her way into the next question. "Did your dad really say they used a vacuum?"
I winced. "Yes."
"That was heartless."
"I don't think he knew what it was called. He just said a procedure was done and the baby was vacuumed out. He was so angry with me, I wouldn't be surprised if he said it on purpose just to be cruel."
"Yeah, but where's his sympathy? Especially since he basically broke your arm. And it’s called a D and C. It’s not as gruesome as he made it sound. I mean, it is, but it's not. How do you feel otherwise? Have you been bleeding?"
"Nonstop. My shower was all pink and red water. I feel like my insides are falling out."
"That's how I was too. I had severe cramping and had to use a heating blanket. Make sure you don’t use tampons or have sex either until you heal properly, not that you’ll be in the mood for sex for a really long time."
"The cramping is horrific. I feel like I'm going to throw up. Sophia got me some pads. She picked up all different sizes. Some even look like diapers. I'm not using those. Who wants to sit in blood like that?"
"That's what you say now but they're about to become your best friend at night."
I grimaced. "Really?"
"Oh, yeah. Make sure you put a few towels down on your bed too just in case you bleed through. It's only really heavy the first couple of days, then the cramping will go down and so will the bleeding. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're trying to copy me. I know I'm amazing and all, but this is just borderline creepy."
"You're terrible." I laughed.
"You know you love me," she said, her voice airy. "Seriously, though, I wish I could be there with you right now."
I glanced down at my white comforter and realized I felt the same way.
I also realized I shouldn't use this blanket until I’d completely recovered.
"I wish you were here too. Who needs high school anyway?" I joked. "My arm is all fucked up and I'm stuck inside for the next few days."
"I can't believe your dad." She blew out a whistle.
"I know he didn't mean to hurt me. His emotions were, like, amplified…" A flashback of the harsh look in his eyes filled my mind. "What am I going to do?" I whispered. "I can't call Kova. I don't know what he's been charged with, or if he's even out. Dad said he was in jail, but he also said he’d been arrested for rape. I don’t know what to believe. And what do I tell my teammates when they see me again? Everything is ruined," I said, drawing in a tight breath. "What if I'm not ready in time to go back? What if I can't move my arm and wrist? I'm screwed."
I used the blanket to wipe my tears away. I didn't want to let my mind go there, but there was a good chance I wouldn't be ready. I could hardly flex my fingers. How the hell was I supposed to do gymnastics?
I wouldn't be able to.
I froze.
My throat was closing up, and my body was tightening everywhere. The fingers on my good hand started to tingle. My body lit up like an inferno and I kicked the blanket off.
"Ave—" I gasped, my eyes widening. My heart was beating the shit out of my ribs. "I think I'm having a panic attack."
I felt like my heart was going to explode.
"Aid. Breathe with me. Close your eyes and focus on my voice. Breathe in slowly through your nose." She instructed, and I heard her inhale. "Gently blow out. Let me hear you." I did. "No, you're not blowing out candles. Blow like you’re trying to dry your nail polish and not get spit on your nails and ruin them. Do it again with me," Avery said, then gave me the instructions for a new breathing technique she wanted me to copy.
We did a few rounds of these exercises until my body uncoiled and I was crying all over again.
Nine
