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"Two days ago? Why didn't you call sooner?"
She lifted her shoulders in a nonchalant shrug like she couldn’t be bothered. "We haven't seen each other in a while. I remembered the rules about parents not visiting before a meet, and I knew how important this competition was for you." She paused. "Congratulations on making the team. I have to say, I'm surprised. You've come a long way, and seeing you perform was…an experience." She grew quiet as she observed me. Her eyes were a little misty. "You really did it," she said, a small smile tried to tug on her over plumped lips. "You made it to the Olympics. I thought it was just a dream that all little girls have, but you made it happen. They say when you're stubborn enough anything is possible."
My eyes widened, brows angling toward each other. Stubborn enough to put my health on the line for it.
"You were there? You watched? Why didn't you tell me?"
"I've been to all your big meets over the year. I just didn't tell you."
My lips parted. "But why? Why wouldn't you? You're my mom."
Her eyes flared with a mixture of sadness and regret. "You shouldn't call me that. I'm not your mother. I did try, though. It may not seem like it, but I did."
She looked away. Her guilt hit me square in the chest. I wouldn't say she didn't try, because she had, it was just toward the end that her heart had hardened and her dislike for me became transparent. To Joy, I was the reason she and Dad split up.
"I'm not equipped to be a mother." Her voice splintered with emotion as she looked back at me. "I never wanted kids, let alone wanted raise another woman's child, one who was the product of an affair my husband had, no less. But I tried for Frank because I loved him. I even gave him a son before you came along. I would've given him anything if only he could’ve stayed faithful to me."
I pulled back, my chest was tight with hostility. I couldn't disguise the hurt etched on my face. Callous words from a callous woman. She never wanted to be a mother. Who said that to the child they raised? She was the only mother I'd ever known, yet she'd completely discarded me in the blink of an eye.
Taking a deep breath, I shook my head. I couldn't stop the words from flying from my mouth. "Other than to remind me how unwanted I am, why are you here? I know what you did. Dad told me everything. Is that why you've been to the meets and didn't tell me?"
Joy stilled. "Well, if you weren't sleeping with your coach, then
I never would've had to do anything."
"You told him out of selfishness and not out of concern for me. You did it to get back at him and nothing else."
She looked me dead in the eyes. "I did. There's no reason for me to lie, but I did. Little did I know what my PI would find once I hired him. I was appalled, disgusted by what he found out about you and Konstantin."
"But why? Why did you go to the length that you did?"
"Regardless, Frank needed to know what was happening. Konstantin was his friend."
"That's not why. You used me as blackmail to get what you wanted."
Joy was quiet. She stared out the window again and it bothered me that I felt bad for her. No, I didn't feel bad. I pitied her. She could wear all the makeup she wanted, but it wasn't going to hide the melancholy that flickered too often in her gaze. The fine lines around her eyes and mouth were taut with anguish. She went with her claws out taunting Dad with evidence to get what she wanted out of him for feeling so deceived. Only she hadn’t thought it through, and her plan bombed on her.
"I guess that saying rings true," she said more to herself. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," she said with a fleeting smirk. "I'm sorry I couldn't love you the way a child needed to be loved. It wasn't fair of me to try when I knew all along I never wanted to be a mother in the first place. I sometimes wonder if that's why Xavier behaves in the manner he does…" Her quiet voice trailed off. "You're finally getting what you wanted, though. Frank and I are officially divorced."
My head tilted to the side. I frowned, offended she could ever think that was what I wanted.
"That's not what I wanted. I never wanted that. All I ever wanted was for you to want me the way a mother is supposed to want her child. To be happy for me and not pick on me for every little thing I did. To support me and not body shame me. I tried so hard, but nothing was ever good enough for you no matter what I did. Do you have any idea what that did to me?"
Chest rising and falling, my emotions were getting the best of me and I didn't want to give her that. She didn't deserve my tears anymore. She didn't deserve to see me in pain ever again. I think she'd enjoy that even though her guilty body language and remorse was plain as day.
Joy ignored my truth. "Well, you have a real mother now to give that to you."
I shook my head in disbelief. Joy was hurting. I knew she didn't come here to act bitter toward me, but I could feel it in her words. She was such an insecure woman. I'd never understand her.
"Why are you here if you're just going to continue your mean girl mentality? Why did you want to see me?"
Joy stood up. She straightened her dress and picked up her purse. With a dignified look, she said, "I wanted to congratulate you and tell you I am proud of you, regardless of our relationship and what's occurred. Anyway, I won't attend the Olympics, but I'm looking forward to watching you. What you did, so few can do." There was an awkward pause as tears filled her eyes. "It wasn't right of me to take the issues I had with Frank out on you. For that, I'll forever be sorry."
Standing, I meant to follow her to the door but she shocked me in place with her apology. Right before she opened it, Joy turned around and looked at me. Really looked at me.
"Is that why you came? To apologize?" I asked, my stomach tight with apprehension.
An apology was never something she gave easily. However, there was no resentment in her eyes and her shoulders weren't stiff. The mask was gone, and I saw a woman living with a black conscience covered in guilt and lies.
