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I frowned. His hand holding the cigarette shook, and I wondered why.
"Why are you shaking like that?"
His eyes dropped to his hand. "Alcohol withdrawal. I need a fucking drink."
My brows shot up, surprised he was being so honest. Every once in a while, I had seen his hands shake but I never thought anything of it until now. I had no idea it was alcohol related. Kova loved his vodka, but he never shook.
"But it's so early," I said, stating the obvious. It had to be around noon on a Thursday.
Xavier shook his head and brushed it off. "Nope, we're not going there. We're going to talk about you and how you made it to the fucking Olympics. Do you even know how cool it is to say my sis is going to the Olympics?" He paused, and took another drag. "We have a lot to catch up on."
I let out a light laugh. "What if I say we're not going there?" His eyes turned to stone and I stared right back. Of course, I was going to tell him. I smiled and that seemed to loosen him up. "I'm just playing. What do you want to know?"
"Well, for starters, how the hell do you feel? Your arm okay? Healing…everywhere else?" He used his hand to gesture toward my empty stomach.
I moved my arm around, slowly stretching it. "It aches here and there and it's a little sore, but it's much better. Not nearly as bad as it was. I should be good to go by the time the Games start."
"I couldn't believe when Dad called me. I know he didn't tell me everything because he's concerned about my 'anger issues.'" He sounded anno
yed. "I almost drove down there to murder Kova and kick Dad’s ass for hurting you. I want the truth, Adrianna. What happened? What's been happening? Has your coach been abusing you this whole time? Did he rape you? Why didn't you come to me? Why didn't you tell anyone?"
My stupid brother had already assumed the absolute worst and it was going to be hard to convince him otherwise. The last thing I wanted or needed was him worrying too.
Xavier's nostrils flared, and the hand that wasn't holding the cigarette tightened into a fist. His knee started to bounce furiously. By the rapid succession, I’d swear he had the questions stored in his mind ready for when he saw me. I don't think he even took a breath. His sudden anger struck a slice of panic through me. Stress cramped my stomach. I hoped I wasn't the reason he needed a drink.
I softened with compassion. I wanted Xavier to see that I was going to be honest with him, but make sure he knew that nothing bad had happened to me. I didn't want him to worry about me like that, or think I wasn't protected and left to be abused. This was going to be tricky because I could already taste his rage.
I sighed and pulled my knees up and crossed them under me. I reached for the blanket on the back of the couch and covered myself. His house was freezing yet he was sweating profusely.
"It's not like that. I know what you're thinking and what Dad told you, and I swear on my life that it's not. I know it's hard to believe, but it's the honest truth. I wasn't raped, Xavier. I wasn't abused. I wasn't taken advantage of. Nothing like that ever happened."
He stabbed his cigarette out in a glass ashtray. "Then what the fuck happened? Because I've been thinking the worst over here ready to go on a murder spree."
"It's not pretty."
"Life rarely is."
I was a little unsure what to do. Xavier threw his hands up before I could even think. He had no patience.
"Well? I'm waiting."
Closing my eyes, I began.
The story took nearly an hour to tell, and during that time, I purposely left the sex out. He knew I’d had sex with Kova, he didn't need the details. I told him how Kova had pulled me from the meet, then he'd gotten married without telling me. How I’d hooked up with a guy from the men's team to spite Kova. I wouldn't tell him who, though. Xavier was shocked over that one and said he didn't expect that from me. I told him how his mom had played a part in the whole charade to get back at Dad, and how she’d roped Katja into it. I’d tried to focus on how Kova and I'd connected through gymnastics and personal stories so Xavier could see it was so much more than lust like Dad had said. Kova and I had a mutual attraction and the chemistry didn't need any friction to begin with. It was already there the moment we’d met.
Just about every little aspect of my illicit relationship with my coach, Xavier now knew. He let me speak, but that didn't mean he wasn't fazed by it.
It was the complete opposite. His eyes rarely left mine, but his body emitted a trail of rage I could feel. Quite a few times I'd wondered if this was what Avery had been talking about because it scared me too. He was like a volcano ready to erupt. His knuckles were screaming white and when they weren't, it was because he was chain-smoking cigarettes. He got up and paced the floor, sat down and grabbed his head and pulled on his hair. I felt bad and stopped a few times only for him to wave his hand in a circle for me to keep going. When I was done, we both sat there for a long moment without saying anything.
I was second-guessing my decision to tell him so much.
"It's kind of similar to you and Avery, you know," I said, breaking the silence.
His head snapped up. Elbows on his spread knees, he dropped his hands and gawked. Wild eyes stared back at me.
"You can't possibly say that."
I frowned. How did he not see that? "But it is."
