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"What?" Avery yelled, though she'd pulled the phone away. She gasped. "Be right there! Can I call you back in a few, Aid? My dad literally just said my ass is grass, so I have to go run and hide now."
A slow smile curved my lips. "Ave," I said. "What did you do?"
She snickered into the phone, which made me laugh in return. "My brothers were pissing me off. They got what they deserved."
I shook my head. "Which was what?"
"I put that temporary hair dye that's all the rage in their shampoo. Now Connor has electric blue hair, and Michael’s is corn yellow. Or maybe it’s the other way around. Either way, they deserved it."
I covered my mouth. Xavier would straight up murder me if I did that to him. He was all about the hair right now, which was probably why her brothers were too.
"Text me later," I said, then we hung up.
Rising to my feet, I finished packing everything except for a few things I'd add in the morning. It wasn't late, but the flight departed very early, so I figured I'd just go to sleep since I didn't have anything else to do. I was always tired anyway.
Lifting my suitcase off the bed, I spotted the book Sophia gave me. I reached for it. I gazed down with the sudden need to flip through it, wondering if this was a sign too.
I climbed into bed and pulled the blanket over me. I read countless passages about stepping forward into growth and that I was to trust in myself to see my true beauty. How I had to train my mind and heart to be stronger than my emotions or I’d risk losing myself. That I needed to prove myself to me, because I mattered most to me. Then there were the reminders that I'd been given this life because I was strong enough to live it.
Sometimes I didn't feel like I was strong enough to live it.
There were so many motivating pages that I connected with. Who knew words could breathe inspiration into me like this, like maybe I was strong enough to handle anything.
It wasn't until I read the last page of a chapter that it really hit close to home.
When you change within yourself, the world around you will follow suit.
I had to close the book otherwise I would cry. The words rang with too much truth. Somewhere along the way I'd felt the change and had been trying to fight the pull, not accept that it was okay like the book suggested I do. I was a different person, and that meant I would have to let go of who I was comfortable with to find the new me. Accepting this also meant there would be a domino effect of change coming into my life. Was I ready for that?
I placed the book on my nightstand and turned off the light. I'd had enough reading for one night. Going to sleep sounded more appealing than mulling over my thoughts. Curling up on my side, I was on the verge of dozing off when my cell phone rang and startled me. I reached for my cell and frowned.
"Avery?" I said. She was sniffling into the phone. "What's wrong? Are you crying?"
"I'm just so happy for you. I only want what's best for you, and I feel like you're starting to finally see your worth and what you're capable of. I'm so happy you're my best friend."
I nestled the phone closer to my face and smiled. "You're so corny. I love you."
"I know. I just had to say it. Wherever you end up, it's where you're
supposed to be. Even if you are hundreds of miles away from me," she added. I could hear the smile on her face. "I can't wait to see you soon."
We both hung up and I drifted off to sleep, feeling much more optimistic and truly fortunate that I had a friend who’d stuck by me through all the shit I'd been through.
Twenty-Nine
Kova kept to himself as the clouds passed by. His blank stare was reflected in the glass, a look I couldn't recall ever seeing in his eyes. He seemed lost. Usually there was a feeling in his eyes, or an emotion he was trying to hide that I could typically see through.
This time there was nothing. That's what worried me the most, because he was the same exact way when we flew to the training camp a couple of weeks ago.
When we had first arrived at the Olympic training camp, I thought Kova's distance was due to us keeping everything strictly professional. We hardly spoke during then, not that we had time to. It'd been more intense than the last time I was there.
I wanted so badly to reach out and take his hand and just ask what's wrong. He didn't look at me very much, and when I did actually catch his eyes on me, he'd quickly look in the other direction. It bothered me to see him hide his emotions from me when he rarely ever held back before.
I knew it was the last thing I should've been concerned about, but before life had flipped upside down, we were in a really good place. I wanted to go back to that time. To when Kova had picked me up from the training camps and took care of me. I'd been in rough shape, probably having flare ups if I could remember properly. Funny thing, though, the camp I attended this year made Nationals feel like a walk in the park. Located in a secluded area of woods with hardly any cell phone reception, the coaching had been borderline emotionally and physically abusive. Food had been carefully calculated and washed down with laxatives once again. I'd forgotten how much I hated that part with a passion until my stomach had cramped in the middle of training from the pills. We had been weighed every day. I knew nothing about my new teammates except for the injuries they'd hidden and been forced to train on. Not one girl was in working order, each one of us brought something more painful to the table. One gymnast had trained on a foot that had broken bones. Another girl had landed wrong and fractured her back, resulting in an alternate taking her spot. Still, we hadn’t complained as our bodies were manipulated during the day and therapy was applied at night. We were brand new come morning.
Those two weeks were probably the most intense weeks of my life and I hadn’t even realized it at the time. Not only had I trained with a whole new team, but I’d been nervous about my medical file. The tests had come back clean like I knew they would, but I’d started to harbor animosity from the constant interrogation into me regardless. Each time I was interviewed, the anticipation mounted inside of me. I kept thinking the next question would be about Kova.
The doctors couldn't comprehend how I was training like the others who were relatively healthy, let alone hid my illnesses the way I had. Kova had reassured them it was under control. I’d told them I trained like I always had because I didn't know any other way, and Kova added that I actually challenged him as a coach while he was training me to see how far I could go. They’d seemed to like that and told me they could recall only three other athletes with health issues similar to mine who persevered against the odds. That gave me hope. But the two weeks after we arrived until now, was where things really started to shift.
