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"Adrianna, you know my feelings for you, but I have to keep your father in the back of my head. When I got out of jail, we had a meeting." I squinted at him, stunned over this news. Dad never told me about this. "Frank threatened to ruin me if I went near you beyond being your coach. He knew he did not have a leg to stand on legally, but he said he would go to the media and claim that I sexually abuse my gymnasts, and he would provide proof for people to dig deeper. He said he would release pictures of us but blur your face to protect you. He said he has connections and will make sure the story goes worldwide. I have worked with your father in the past, I do not doubt him."
I stared up at him, dumbfounded. My eyes widened and I took a step closer, angling my head to make sure I heard him correctly.
"You're scared of my dad and his empty threat? He'd never do that because it would implicate me, not in a million years, no matter how mad he is." I stared at him. "So quick to believe him," I whispered in shock. "You bought his lie. You made it your out."
Kova widened his stance. His brows lowered and his gaze turned defensive. "Everything I have worked for since I came to the United States will be taken away if we continue a romantic relationship. How would we work out if I have no gym? No name? Nothing? How could I support you, support us? I cannot make mistakes right now." The color drained from his face. "He can ruin me and you, and that is not something I am chancing."
I ground my teeth. I was frustrated because I knew my dad was using this as a scare tactic and Kova was buying it. He edged closer to me and I stayed exactly where I was.
"I have to walk a straight line and I have to do it for us. You th
ink I want to leave you? You think I do not care about you? My fucking heart beats only for you, Adrianna. It kills me inside. I want to ram my fist through a wall over and over because of this shit we have to go through. I am trying to do what is right. Whether you like it or not, the right thing is time. Are you not sick of living in this fantasy we have created? Do you not want the real thing? I do. And I will do everything I can in my power to make that happen for us."
"I’m not trying to be dramatic, but you don't seem to comprehend that I don't have that kind of time. I was supposed to go home and start treatment. What if the dialysis doesn’t work, or I have the transplant and my body rejects the kidney? I know these are slim possibilities, but that's how my life is at the moment and how I have to think now. I can't wait around for you because that's not fair to me. If we're careful, we could have now, you just don't want to."
My heart was about to jump out of my chest. I was going to be sick any second.
"You only want me when I'm at my best and not at my worst," I said, my voice shaded with disdain. "That's not what love is. I stood by you at your worst. I never gave up. I took everything you would give me, and I gave myself to you ten times over because I knew you needed me when you were going through something. Now when I need you the most, when my body is literally fighting to kill me, you feel time between us is best."
Kova opened his mouth to speak, but I wasn't done.
"You want time, Coach?" I said, bitterness dripping from my tone. "Time is exactly what I’m going to give you." I turned toward the door and shot one last response over my shoulder. "I’m leaving for the University of Oklahoma shortly after I get home. You’re getting exactly what you wanted."
Forty
"Adrianna," Kova called out. "Let me finish."
I wanted to lift my middle finger to him. I'd been living a dream expecting to luck out in the end. I’d set myself up, and that hurt my heart more than Kova ever could. I really was just a stupid, naive, lovesick girl.
"Come here," he demanded, and I ignored him. A string of Russian flew past his lips as I wrapped my hand around the doorknob.
More tears filled my eyes and I fought to keep them back. I was so sick of being this heartbroken girl fighting for someone who would give up on me so easily. I had allowed my view to be clouded by the illusion Kova had painted for me.
I pulled the door open a fraction and Kova slammed it shut then spun me around. He pressed his back to the door, blocking my escape. A gasp lodged in my throat. I was unprepared for the passion in his touch or the heat of his breath on my cheek.
He blinked and something adjusted in his gaze. "You are angry with me because I said we need time for everything to settle down, but you were planning to move to another state? Do you see the hypocrisy here?"
My jaw dropped. "Excuse me for assuming we would continue to be together regardless of which school I went to. We could drive or fly to each other, talk all the time, even spend time together on holidays or weekends. There's no one stopping us. It's really not that hard if you want it bad enough." I paused and shook my head. "But you don't want that and there's no reason for me to stay now."
Kova gnashed his teeth together as fire ignited in his eyes.
Finally, he displayed an emotion I could understand and handle from him.
I breathed it in and found the strength I needed. He stepped forward and pressed his body to mine, his fingers gripping my bicep. Kova was breathing as hard as I was, but it was the way he was staring at me that reduced me to a brokenhearted mess. He looked so powerless. I didn't not want him in my life, but I refused to be put aside until the time was right.
"I never said I did not want to be with you. Do not put words in my mouth, Malysh." He said the words slowly and they set me on edge. "How can we be together with your father watching over every little thing we do? Please use your head for a minute and think about this. Our livelihoods are at stake."
I didn't say anything. My dad would never, ever accept us. But we could make it work if we wanted to, I was sure of it. How long would I be waiting for Kova? Until he felt like it was okay for us? The thought of watching time pass like that was asphyxiating on so many levels. I didn't want to lose him, but I had to put myself and my health first.
I lowered my eyes and grew insanely angry that this was where we were in our relationship after everything we'd been through together. "I'm sick of you," I spat, pushing at Kova's chest. He grabbed my good elbow and I fell into him. "What a regret it was to come here."
"I am right," he said, his voice filled with arrogance. "You know I am right, and you hate it. You think I want to be away from you? You think I want to even consider the idea? Never, but I am doing what I can to help you, to help us."
I needed to get out of here. I tried to shove away from him, only I didn't have the strength to, so he stayed right where he was. My chest rose and fell with rapid breaths.
"No, not this time. This time is different," I said. "You're a coward. If you weren't, you would do whatever it took to be with me."
Kova drew in a long breath. His eyes flared wide. Tension brewed between us. Men didn't like to be called a coward. It was probably one of the most insulting things to say, and I'd said it. I could feel his temper rising with each breath he took. He released my arm and I stepped back. The back of my legs hit the bed. I drew in a breath and tried to not let him affect me.
