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"Kova."
He pressed a soft kiss under my jaw. "I love you, Adrianna."
I broke down, unable to handle a second more. "I know we're no good for each other," I whispered, admitting the truth. I leaned back into him as a tear slipped down my temple. "I know we'll never be good for each other, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to be with you."
I felt Kova shake his head. His lips brushed tenderly over my skin.
"I cannot let you go, just like you cannot let me go," he said.
The truth was like gravel on my raw heart.
Forty-One
"Why is this happening to us?"
Kova lowered his hips to the bed and took me with him. He turned me sideways to face him. I sat on his lap with my knees pressed together and my legs hanging over his. He kissed my temple and hugged me close. I missed the feel of his arms and nestled closer. I fit like a puzzle piece against him. I could stay here for hours if he'd let me.
"All I know is that I am tired of hurting you. I will do anything to see you live a happy life. You must believe that."
I shook my head. I couldn’t look at Kova just yet. What he said wasn’t wrong, I just didn’t agree with it. When there’s a will, there’s a way. Gymnastics had taught me if I wanted something bad enough, then I had to put the work in to get it. And that’s how I felt about us. I was willing to do what it took. I wished he'd fight for us the same way.
"Don't you understand that time is not on my side right now? Nothing hurts more than you leaving."
Kova cupped my cheek and I finally looked at him. The anxiety encasing my chest intensified. He leaned down and kissed my tears away as they fell in rivers. I wound my arms around his shoulders and threaded my fingers through his hair. I closed my eyes as I inhaled him into me. My heart felt like it was shattering into a million tiny pieces. I was afraid to let go, afraid we wouldn't ever have this again.
Kova was my everything.
"I have thought about you nonstop since that day. I drove myself crazy when you were in the hospital and I could not be there with you." He pulled back and paused like he was struggling for words. His fingers skimmed over the hem of my shorts. "I have never felt more powerless than I did in that moment. All I felt was rage, and it resulted in a few fights while I was waiting to be released. It was part of the reason I was not released when I should have been. You mean everything to me. I resent myself every second of my life after seeing what you went through. You deserve better."
I shook my head frantically. "I'm so sick of everyone telling me what's best for me. I don't need you, my father, or anyone for that matter to make decisions for me. Let me make them, and if I'm wrong, I want to experience that for myself too. I'm the one who gets to decide what to do with my life and who I want in my life. And what I want is you, Kova. I just want you in my life."
Kova exhaled a heavy breath as his gaze bore into mine. His back bowed. He was struggling again. I could feel him wavering beneath my touch. Tipping my jaw up, I parted my lips toward his and lowered my eyes. I peered at him through my lashes. He exhaled through his nose and his chest heaved into me. Kova dropped his gaze to my mouth. I drew in a soft gasp as he leaned toward me, his tongue delicately tracing over my lips. Without hesitation, he slipped inside and stroked across my mouth in a deep kiss. Our lips fused together, and that was all it took for my body to come alive. Heat exploded around us. Flashes of desire tingled down my skin. My back arched and I moaned.
I straddled him without breaking our kiss. Kova's hands were on my hips in seconds, his palms cupping my butt as he guided me over him. Our bodies met and everything locked into place. My arms tightened around his shoulders and Kova deepened the kiss. He embraced me, clutching me desperately.
My thighs clenched around his waist and I felt his hardness press between us. It wasn't about that, though. We had something everyone dreamed of having one day, chemistry between two people that only increased the passion each and every time they were together.
Kova broke the kiss, panting heavily against me. "This does not have to be difficult. I am trying to do what is best for you, Adrianna." He paused. "Fuck," he said through gritted teeth. "I’m trying to do what is best for us."
I looked deep into his eyes. They were brimming with raw emotion. I wanted him to give into me the way I was giving into him.
"Let me decide what's best for me."
I smashed my mouth to Kova's. He kissed me back hard, brutally, putting all his feelings into the way his lips crushed mine. He kissed me like he was giving me hope and breaking my heart at the same time. This wasn't a man who wanted to leave me. This was a man who was on his knees madly in love with me, trying his hardest to right his wrongs.
"Tell me you love me," he said.
My breath hitched in my throat. I looked back and forth between his eyes, suddenly scared to tell him I loved him. My heart pumped hard and fast as he watched me, waiting, silently pleading for something he wasn't sure I could give him.
With tears streaming down my cheeks, I finally said the words he needed to hear. "I love you." I released a loud sob as soon as the words left my lips. "I've loved you for a long time."
Kova studied me, the black flecks in his probing green gaze cut right through me. My declaration stilted him into silence and his stare filled with a mixture of wonder and heartbreak. I think he always knew I loved him, but saying the words changed his reality. He wasn’t prepared for the weight of those words to actually leave my lips.
Kova lifted my hand and brought it to his chest. His heart beat wildly under my palm. "Do you feel that, Adrianna? My heart will only ever beat for you. This is what you do to me when I think about how much I love you."
I felt his pulse and wondered if he knew the rapid thumping of his heart mirrored my own.
My fingers moved over the raised scar beneath his shirt, tracing over the letter. I softened. The mark was more than a binding of two people. It represented our agony and connection. Proof there was no length we wouldn't go to for each other. How were we supposed to walk away from one another when it was agonizingly clear we didn't want to?
