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I swallow hard and lick my lips. It hits me that I've never really said how I feel about him, but that's because I've been trying to keep it separate and not get too invested for obvious reasons. Everyone needs to be reminded that they mean something, and now I think I should tell him.
Or maybe not.
"If you need someone—"
"All I need is you, and I mean that," he murmurs, cupping the back of my head. He kisses me, bleeding his words into me so I feel them. And damn, do I ever. "I don't need, or want, anyone else but you."
My heart is pounding so fucking hard that I cave.
"I like you, James, more than I thought I did. More than I should, and it’s killing me inside. If you want to hire other women, obviously I can't say anything since this is just a deal we have going on, but that doesn't mean I wouldn’t want to carve her eyes out with a plastic spoon and offer them to you on a platter to show you that I'm better than her."
His chuckle is raspy. "I think we both know this is far more than just a deal, sweetheart. Tell me, if there was no money, no friend or daughter, and I met you at a bar without going through Sanctuary Cove on a random Tuesday night, would you still be here with me?"
I nod without hesitation, my gaze vulnerable.
"You know damn well I would be."
His eyes soften and he looks at me with a tenderness that shouldn't be there. The truth is, I would be here with him, and I would still want more with him. I have deep feelings for James I've refused to acknowledge because I know nothing good can come from them. They're rooted to the walls of my ribs, the feelings growing stronger every day and wrapping around each bone and locking him in for good.
"I wanted more before I knew the truth of who you are, and now it's only intensified into something bigger that won't stop growing. I hate that we're stuck and that nothing more can come out of this, because I like you too much, James. It's God's honest truth, I fucking like you so much and I can't bear to lie to you and say that I don't." I pause, then say, "I'm not going to hold back how I feel anymore. Not while we’re together. And I promise not to get all Fatal Attraction on you either."
James captures my lips with his and kisses me deep, full of untamed passion. I know I’m falling in love with this man.
My arms wrap around his shoulders, fingers threading through his aged hair, and I put all of myself into him and our emotional kiss, letting him see and feel just how much he means to me.
Breaking the kiss, James gets up and scoops me into his arms. He takes a couple of steps and lays me down on the bed in the back of the plane. He gets comfortable between my legs and stares into my eyes. His gaze is piercing my heart because I know he feels the same way for me as I do for him.
"No one has ever done it for me the way you do,” he says. “The universe is cruel for putting us together, but I don't feel bad because what I feel when I'm with you is what I've been wanting all along, I just never knew it until I met you."
I blink a few times, breathing a little harder. I need this man something fierce.
"James?"
"Hmm?"
My jaw trembles. "Make love to me?"
"Sweetheart, I've been making love to you all along."
Forty-Nine
I nestle closer to James, smiling against his neck. I'm sitting on his lap naked and wrapped in a flannel blanket. We’ve been watching the snow fall for a few hours now with the most incredible snowcapped-mountain view. I've never seen anything so pretty and serene before.
We both woke early and reached for each other without uttering a word. In the mornings, I find I like to give him a slow ride, and at night I like when he sets the pace. It works for us, especially since he loves sex just as much as I do. I feel like I'm back to enjoying it the way I did before I became an escort, only it's better than ever before, and I have James to thank for that.
"I can feel you smiling," he says, his voice like gravel.
I pull back and look at him, grinning from ear to ear.
"I'm really happy," I say. "I know this sounds stupid, but I could sit here all day with you and just watch the snow fall. We can drink coffee, or hot chocolate, and maybe some cognac later in front of the fire when the snow is really coming down. It's just so peaceful and relaxing, and being in your arms just makes it that much better."
He kisses me. "I like this no holding back. Tell me more."
I laugh. "No, your head is just going to get big. What are we doing today?"
James eyes my bare shoulder and fixes the blanket so it's covering me. We're sitting in the coziest kitchen nook I've ever seen with plush pillows all around us. It's heated, and the cushions are so large and filled it's like being on the couch.
"Well, we can stay here if you want, or use the bunny slope I rented for us."
