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I glance down at the snow. I'd love to travel first, but for some reason I feel guilty just thinking about that. I look back at James.
"Do you think it's stupid? Honestly. Tell me the truth. Do you think I should continue my education?"
He runs his hands through his hair and shakes his head. "I'll always be one for continuing education, but starting a foundation is not a stupid idea. Not one bit. If it's what you desire, who the fuck am I to tell you no? I think it's a fantastic idea. You're going to have to jump through some hoops to start one, but the money I gave you can be written in the form of a gift, so it shows you have some sort of income. My family, though not nearly as important as Katherine's, was always donating and supporting charities. I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth, but my family always gave back to the less fortunate, which is why I do so now twice a year. I don't have to continue it since they're long gone, but I like to. Good deeds bring more good deeds."
"It's going to be a lot of work," I say quietly, realizing that I've settled my mind on it. My gaze moves across the tops of the mountains.
"You're not unfamiliar with working hard for what you want. The struggle is nothing new to you."
I laugh and huff at the same time. "It's not, that's for sure."
* * *
After skiing, we sat in a hot tub that overlooked the slopes, then James took me out. We sat side by side in a dark booth trying to come up with names for my foundation while we ate an exquisite dinner. Once we arrived back at his cabin, James used one of his ties to blindfold me. I gave him the best blowie of his life, then he spanked me with his belt. There's something about giving an amazing blowjob that brings a man to his knees that just gets to me. I had James in the palm of my hands until I told him to manhandle the fuck out of me, and I fell into that deliriously high level of pain and ecstasy.
“Would you like another glass?” James asks, standing up.
He walks around the couch and I look down at my empty tumbler. "You know you don't have to get me drunk to take advantage of me."
He leans over the sofa and gives me a big kiss. My hand finds the back of his head and I hold him to me. His lips move down the column of my neck and my nipples harden in response. I breathe in through my nose, drawing him in.
"You’re insatiable," I say, giggling.
He pulls back and smirks. "Me? What about you?"
"Sex is addicting when it's done right." I smile up lazily. "I'm not denying it."
As James pours us both another glass of his tawny drink, I get up and lay the blankets and pillows in front of the fire. We're still naked, but neither of us are shy about it, so I lie in front of the flickering fire and place my hands under my head, watching the flames lick each other. The heat is heaven and I feel myself warming. James walks over and I take in his body. His tattoos come alive against the firelight—captivating, moving—and I can't tear my eyes from him. The colors are moody, like they're speaking, and I love it. His art is something to appreciate.
James places our crystal tumblers on the floor next to me and drops to his knees, spreading my legs. They fall willingly and in seconds his mouth is on my pussy. My back bows and I moan, my hands threading through his hair.
"Baby, I need you in me," I tell him through clenched teeth. "I'm already so close and I want you to come with me."
James climbs up my body and thrusts inside me, filling me. I feel like I should be adjusted to his size by now, but I'm not. I'm a little tender and it's tight, but I take all of him anyway as our moans and sighs create a sinful melody while his hands leave an imprint on my heart. It doesn't take us long before we fall over the edge, him coming inside me.
Kissing me, he pulls out and rolls to the side, taking me with him. Warmth seeps from me, sticking to my thighs, but I can't be bothered to clean up when James is playing with my hair. I'm drawing lazy circles on his chest, noting that something seems off with him. I can feel how tense his body is against mine when it shouldn't be. I look up and rest my chin on his chest only to see him staring at the ceiling and frowning.
"What are you thinking about, baby?" I ask, my voice soft.
Lifting his head, he looks into my eyes. "That I finally have a reason to leave my wife."
Fifty
I finally have a reason to leave my wife.
I can't get those words out of my head. It wasn't supposed to be this way.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I fold my arms and drop my head to the desk of the cubby I'm sitting at in the library. Exhaustion hits me hard. I'm so tired from the stress that comes with a lie this heavy. I can barely eat, and nighttime is the worst because my mind is running. My chest feels tight, like I’m at the beginning of a panic attack, so I rub the pain away and take deep, slow breaths.
The best plan of attack I could come up with to quell the babble and anxiety was to lose myself in clients from Sanctuary Cove, booking myself every night to avoid seeing Natalie. It's the last thing I want to do, but in some strange way, it helps remind me of what I am—a prostitute and nothing more. By the time I get home, Nat’s either sleeping or working. I'm out of the apartment before the sun rises, going to a coffee shop to study, and when she sends me a text, I don't respond immediately.
I can't get James out of my head. It's like he's tattooed himself under my skin and I'm trying to hide it from Natalie, knowing she’d read the truth on my face if she saw me.
This life sucks. I want him. I need him. I miss him.
I can't have him.
Glancing at the time on my phone, I stand to gather my books. I so desperately want to skip class today just to sleep, but I know I'd only regret it. I step outside and make my way toward the grouping of school buil
