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I swallow. "I don't want to talk about it."
James is quiet for a moment. He doesn't like my response. "Are you in bed? You sound like you just woke up."
A sleepy smile pulls at my lips and I turn onto my side. "Yeah, I have to get up, though. I have class soon. I usually never stay in bed this late, but I was just too tired to get up."
He hums in the back of his throat. "Waking up next to you is the best way to start my day. Can I see you later?"
The smile slips from my lips. "I have plans later." Those plans are sitting with my grammy, then getting oblivious, emotion-murdering drunk when I get home.
"What about this weekend? I need to see you again, Aubrey."
"Aubrey! This little cute fucker is scratching the couch!" Natalie yells from the other room. "Come get it before I pull his claws out with my teeth!"
I chuckle into the phone. "I gotta go. Natalie is yelling for me."
"Give me an answer, sweetheart. I want to see you. Just have dinner with me. I think you want to see me too. Wherever, whenever. You set it and I'll be there. An hour is all I'm asking for."
I stare at the wall in front of me and wish that what he said wasn't the truth.
"I'll talk to you later," I say softly and hang up before he has a chance to respond.
"He just pissed in my thousand-dollar shoes and stared at me while he did it. I swear the little cute fucker did it on purpose. You have until the count of three and then I'm skinning him!"
Chuckling, I jump out of bed.
* * *
"Nat, where are you?" I say. I'm walking out of the hospital and feeling too emotional right now. The day dragged on, which allowed me to get deep in my head and I need to shut my thoughts out now.
"Where do you want me to be, baby," she says, her voice seductive. "I'm willing and ready for that pipe."
I bark out a laugh. I needed that.
"There's something mentally wrong with you. Do you say that to your clients?"
"When the mood calls for it, I do. You know how men are. I only say it when he has a turtle head between his legs, though. I let him feel himself for a minute." She laughs. "Only the big boys get called Daddy."
I shake my head as I walk to the bus stop. Never a dull moment with her. "I need to get drunk. Like hammered—the kind where I forget what I'm talking about mid-conversation."
"Bad visit with Grammy?" she asks, sympathetic. Her tone softens.
I swallow back the emotion climbing the back of my throat. I sat with her for hours after class, even though she didn't want me to see her like she is right now. I told her too bad and that I was staying, then I showed her the pictures I took of her cats at my place and she seemed to relax a little. I left out the comments Natalie made, though. Before I left, the doctor on call pulled me aside to tell me they're running additional tests because some results of prior tests raised concern, something about raised inflammatory levels, so they just want to double-check before they gave any diagnoses.
"It wasn't the best. She looks even paler, if that's possible. I'm kind of worried. They’re concerned about her lungs, and that she could possibly catch pneumonia."
"Oh, yeah. Pneumonia loves old people, especially in hospitals. I'm sorry, Ram Jam. Your gram is a tough cookie, though. She'll pull through. Just get your boney ass home and I'll have everything ready."
I stand at the bus stop with a group of people thinking about Natalie's last words. I don't want to what-if anything, but I can't help it.
My jaw trembles. What if Grammy doesn't get better? What if she gets sicker and doesn't pull through? A gust of wind blows by and my hair coasts around my face. Glancing up, I see the lights blinking at the top of the bus as it slows down for my stop. People rise to stand and step close to the curb.
Sniffling back my emotions, I refuse to let myself go there anymore. I need to think positive. Positive thoughts bring positive energy. She's all I have, and if anything happened to her I don't know what I'd do with myself.
After the bus ride to the station, I catch the train back into the city, then take the subway to the street closest to my place. I had enough time to stew on my thoughts and decide that once my feet hit the streets of the concrete jungle, I'm not going to allow myself to worry about it anymore because everything will be just fine.
It has to be.
A girls’ night is exactly what I need, and I'm getting a little excited to just chill on a Friday night like Natalie and I used to do before everything got complicated—Christine and James complicated. I need to balance my shit out and for someone to bring me back to my center. A night with my best friend is the perfect medicine, and then I’ll top it off with hanging out with my real boyfriend tomorrow. If he's available. Taking out my phone, I look for Daniel's number.
