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"Take it back. Now."
"You'll let me call you a whore, but saying I love you is too much for you to handle?"
I don't want to hear that he fell in love with me. It's a lie. It has to be. He can't possibly feel the same way about me as I do him, because then it will ruin everything.
"Take it back," I repeat.
"Which part? Say it."
James thrusts all the way in again and let's go of my hands. My arms fall to the sides as he grips my hips to pick me up and shove me down on his length so I can't move. He's thick and warm and I feel like he's splitting me in two, emotionally as much as physically. I place my hands on his chest and run them up to tangle them in his hair. He leans into me, his mouth hovering over mine.
"How's this for honesty? I was going to leave my wife for you. I thought I finally found someone who gets me, and she's still fucking men behind my back. Even after the millions of dollars I’ve given her. Goes to show that money can't buy everything."
"Stop it," I say, as another tear falls.
"Say the words and I'll leave her," he begs, then kisses me.
James doesn't hold back and starts driving his hips against mine. I meet him thrust for thrust. He's rough and we're desperate. Together it makes for a hunger like no other. He grips my thigh so tight my hips instinctively roll into his, making sure I get all of his length. I sigh, moan, hating that I caved and loving what he gives me.
"It'll never work that way and you know it. There's no use in talking about it."
He knows I'm referring to Natalie. It's soul-crushing, but it's the truth.
"I'll make it work. Just say the words, sweetheart. I'll leave her tonight and make things right if I know I can have you forever."
I shake my head vehemently. He's crushing my heart because I want to say yes and I know there's no way I can. There's such a world of hurt and sadness in his gaze that I almost want to take it back. I can't say the words because I know they'll never come true. We're both in an inevitable situation. We're both so close and on the edge of intense bliss only we can give each other…but not forever like we want.
"James, please…"
"Say it."
"I can't. You know I can't!"
"I know you love me just like I love you."
A tear slips from my eye. Kissing me again like he's determined to win me over, ecstasy rips through my body, igniting his pleasure at the same time. We're both coming hard, nails digging into skin, moans and grunts fill the air as his cum blows inside me and I milk his cock for everything he has. We're floating into oblivion together, left with another mind-blowing orgasm better than the last time.
He doesn't waste any time. He pulls out of me, leaving a clear fluid line of his liquid dripping behind. James pulls his pants up and fastens them. I'm slumped against the door, my fatigued body in a stupor. I wish I could say the same about my emotions. I tug my shorts on, my thighs quivering.
I watch as he walks over to the counter and pulls something out of his shirt pocket, then reaches for something across the counter. I frown, trying to see what he's doing, but he's done faster than I can blink my eyes. He turns toward me and walks my way, closing the distance in three large steps. My gaze drops to the counter and my heart splits down the center.
A check.
Glaring down at me with resentment so thick it chokes me, he says, "That's the balance I owe you. It's safe to say this little arrangement we had is now over. We're finished."
My lips part, my eyes wide. I step out of the way and James leaves, walking out of my life. All I can do is fall against the door in a slump and cry my eyes out.
Fifty-Four
I skipped class all week citing the stomach flu. The days were long, the nights longer. It was the first time in all four years of school that I didn't show up to class and couldn’t have picked a worse time. Finals are coming up and graduation is around the corner. I need to be there. Instead, I laid in bed, lethargic, and crying on and off.
When the tears weren't flowing, I was in an unblinking daze staring out my bedroom window, which is what I'm doing now. Daniel tried to come over to check on me multiple times, but I wouldn't let him. I just wanted to be alone.
My feelings for James run much deeper than I thought. Even though I'm still reeling with anger over the things he said to me, it doesn't change the fact that I'm madly head over heels for him. I keep thinking about the way he left me, the hurt and real love in his eyes as he walked out. He took my heart with him. I felt the same way, only I didn't tell him.
I exhale a fatigued sigh. I can't imagine if we'd gone the whole year what state I'd be in at the end. Something tells me we wouldn't have been able to break it off. More time together would've made things complicated, but I guess they already were.
I clench my eyes shut, hearing his words replay in my head for the hundredth time this week, how he wanted to leave his wife for me. I know I should look at the dissolution of our clandestine agreement as a blessing in disguise, but it's also undeniably heartbreaking. We were hopeless from the start.
