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"Are you sick? Something that you're afraid to tell me? Is that why you're being sweet to me and had this set up?" My voice shakes, and I feel so stupid saying what I did, but I can't think straight now that my heart's a frantic mess. "Because I need to know if you have a terminal disease and need to buy two caskets because I can't live without you, James. I just can't."
James stares back at me in complete silence. His jaw is hanging open and his blue eyes are unmoving. I knew it. I guessed and he didn't expect that.
My stomach is in knots. Now I'm always going to associate Tahiti with James telling me he's sick.
"Uh, Aubrey?" he says, scratching the side of his head. "There's nothing wrong with me. I don’t know where you got that I was sick from, but I'm not. I’m healthy as a horse."
My eyes shift back and forth between his. "What?"
"I'm not sick." He drops his arms and I suddenly feel bad. "I just want you to know how much you mean to me and that I really just fucking love you so much. I can't believe you thought I was sick."
I roll my lips between my teeth and cringe inside. My eyes drop to the floor as my cheeks bloom with embarrassment. I feel like a moron now. A small giggle makes it past my lips. Closing my eyes, I laugh at how dense I am sometimes. Natalie likes to say it's a good thing I'm pretty when I say something really ignorant. I bet if she were here, she'd say it again.
"Baby, I'm so sorry." I put my hand on his chest. "I feel terrible."
"And that's why you laughed," he says with zero emotion. No smile. No personality.
Oh, no. James is hurt and that makes me feel like shit. I hate that I sometimes laugh at the wrong moments.
"I laughed because I'm dumb. I'm really sorry, James. I never once doubted your love for me, so when you started talking, I thought you were preparing me for something bad."
He doesn't say anything, and it causes my pulse to spike. God, I fucking ruined it.
"James? I really am sorry."
"I guess my emotions are a little more hands-on this trip." His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. "But that's because I'm so proud of you after watching how hard you've worked these last couple of years. I love you. I know we've been together a while now, but I've never felt like this. Like you hold all the power inside of me, and I can't do anything about it. Like my fucking heart won't stop burning at the sight of you. If this is what real love feels like, then I never want to have the chance to experience it with anyone else ever again. What I feel for you scares the shit out of me. Every move I make, everything I think about, it involves you in some way. I guess the way you make me feel turns me into a sap, but that's what you do to me, Aubrey." He pauses. "I can't turn off what I feel for you, and I won't."
I'm speechless.
I'm also a fool.
I definitely didn't know he felt like that. Like how I feel about him.
A very small smile curves my full lips. My eyes drop to his throat where his pulse hammers away in his neck. I lean in, pressing my lips over it, and allow my tongue to do a lap. I find the buttons on his shirt and begin to slowly undo them. James's hands slide onto my hips and he gives me a little tug.
Without lifting my head, my eyes shoot to his. I'm a little nervous, but I want him to know his feelings are not one-sided.
"Tomorrow," I say, and my voice takes on a velvety smoothness, "you and I are going to this little tattoo shop here we passed a few times when we were strolling. I'm going to get my first moment. I've been waiting for the right time, and it's now." I swallow and lick my lips. "When I say I love you more, it's because I can't imagine you can feel more than what I already do." Sudden shyness attempts to pull at my lips. My cheeks are a little flushed.
His hands roam my loose and flowy dress, inching it up with the tips of his fingers. The need in his touch and the way his fingers leave a trail of heat in their path rocks me down to my core. It makes me fall harder for him more, if that's even possible. To be loved so profoundly and manage to still give it in return is a feeling one would never understand unless they lived it fully. This is what life is all about and the meaning behind why we're here.
I can tell James all night long that I love him, but I'd rather show him how I feel.
Six
My hands move to his shoulders to slide his shirt off.
It falls to the floor in a heap. I lean forward and press my lips to his chest and inhale the cognac and crushed cigar scent clinging to him with my eyes closed. He smells like money and masculinity. His hand cups the back of my head as my fingers reach for his belt buckle to loosen it. James pulls down the straps of my dress and I slip out of my high heels as my dress joins his shirt on the floor. I'm above average height for a woman, but I feel small in comparison to James.
"Never doubt what I feel for you." My voice drops to a throaty whisper as I look at him. "Never doubt it's any less than what you feel for me. You're it for me, baby."
Rising up on my tiptoes, I palm his cheeks and bring his kiss to me. One hand finds my lower back, the other is threading through my ha
ir, holding me to him. The way James kisses me this time, while it's the same, it's completely different. It's deeper, harder, more intense. Like he's not holding back anymore and showing me how he truly feels.
He tears his mouth from mine. "Do you trust me?"
I nod without hesitation. "Of course."
