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But this was my fault. I should have told her what was going on. I should probably have told her what I’d been planning for so long–let her into the idea of having a baby with a surrogate.
Instead, I’d lost my daughter.
Scarlett and I walked back to the kitchen. Neither of us touched the food I’d prepared. I had no appetite, and after she’d thrown up everything that she’d eaten since last year, it seemed, she didn’t look like she could stomach anything else. This was brutal. I had heard of morning sickness, but seeing it first hand was something else. I couldn’t even remember if Clara had had the same when she’d been pregnant with Lily.
It had been so long ago.
I had blown out all the candles, and Scarlett had switched on the lights. The romance of the evening had been drowned out by Lily’s explosion.
“I’m going to try her again,” Scarlett said. She had her phone in her hand. She’d tried dialing Lily since the moment she’d left, but Lily wasn’t answering.
I’d tried a few times, too, but I knew my daughter. If she was pissed about something, she had to calm down before she wanted to talk about anything. And I had a feeling that this would take a hell of a long time to calm down about.
“We shouldn’t have done this,” Scarlett said. “This was such a big mistake. I shouldn’t have lied to her.”
“Hey, baby, relax,” I said.
Scarlett looked at me with big eyes when I called her “‘baby.”
“I don’t know how we got here,” she said. “Everything seemed like it was fine. And then suddenly, it wasn’t.”
I nodded. I knew what she meant.
“We should go after her,” I said after a while. “We should go find her and speak to her. The both of us.”
“Together?” Scarlett asked.
I nodded. “Yeah. We have to fix this. We can’t just leave it.”
I hadn’t seen Lily this upset in a long time. Lily was reasonable and open minded about a lot of things–she was willing to keep all the angles in mind. Loyalty was important to her, and that was where we’d wronged her.
“I don’t think we should go after her together,” Scarlett said.
“Why not? We’re in this together. We should speak to her about it together. And come clean, too.”
Scarlett nodded. “I agree we have to be honest with her. All this was because we weren’t being honest in the first place. But we can’t do it together. If we see her together, it will look like we’re teaming up on her, and she’ll just be more defensive.”
She was right. I wasn’t the only person that knew Lily well.
“I should be the one to go see her, then,” I said. “I’m her dad, and this is my fault.”
I wasn’t sure if she would want to see me. Maybe it would be better if Scarlett, her best friend, went to see her.
“She’s mad at both of us,” Scarlett said as if she had read my mind. “I don’t think she’ll want to see either of us.”
“We’ll have to try,” I said.
We couldn’t just leave it. Lily might stop talking to me. I had never wanted more kids at the expense of my first child. I wanted her here by my side–by our side–happy for us and excited about what was happening. I should have drawn her in before, of course. I hadn’t wanted her to tell me she thought it was a bad idea.
I’d wanted it to be my decision and mine alone.
“You don’t think we should give her time?” Scarlett asked. “Just to cool down.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want her to think that we don’t care about how she feels. This is a big deal. I think I should go after her now.”
Scarlett nodded. “Okay,” she said. “Do you mind if I wait for you here? Just until you get back.”
I shook my head and kissed her on the forehead. “Not at all. Stay the night if you want to.”
I didn’t wait for an answer to that. The last time I’d suggested it, she’d refused. I’d gotten the feeling that Scarlett guarded her feelings just as carefully as I did. But we were in this together now, and I’d caught feelings for her like it was some kind of disease. I wanted her to stay with me.
I left the house and got in the SUV in the garage. I barely drove it–I had my chauffeur to drive me around–but tonight was personal business, and I didn’t want to wake my driver.
When I arrived at Lily’s apartment, her lights were on, and her car was parked outside. She was home.
I walked to her door and knocked on it.
“Lily?” I called.
“Go away,” she said through the door.
