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“And? We’re supposed to be angry at him, remember? Cheating? Girlfriend? Divorce?” She holds her fingers up to tick off each of his infractions.
The sting of those words feel like a thousand knives piercing my heart. He has a girlfriend. The very one he cheated on me with. “He still wears his ring, Alyssa.”
“What?”
“His ring. He wears it around his neck.” I take a step back and begin to pace in front of the door. “That has to mean something, right?” The thoughts I’d had since I felt that familiar ring in my palm come flying out of my mouth before I can catch them.
“I…” she starts before she freezes. “No. I’m running on like four hours of sleep, I’m not going down this road of he loves me, he loves me not.” She tucks a fallen strand of hair behind her ear and shakes her head.
Annoyance blooms in my chest. “We know he loves me,” I snap at her.
“And you said that wasn’t enough and made me swear to you that I would hold you accountable to that.” She points at me.
“Did I mention you’re doing a hell of a job?”
“Which is what you wanted! Why are you acting like this? Does this…change anything?” Her question is identical to the one my subconscious has been asking for hours. This changes nothing!
“I didn’t say that! I’m just saying, it’s startling that he’s still wearing his ring while he’s running around New York with that tramp,” I grumble as I stomp towards the bench and sit down. Anger beats down on me as I think about Bennett with her.
The sound of the elevator makes me look up just as Wren rounds the corner. I almost want to avert my eyes, because Wren and Alyssa are…like me and Bennett once upon a time. Affectionate and passionate and unashamedly so. “I came as soon as I saw your page.” He barely has the words out before she’s in his arms and they’re locked in a heated kiss. I look away, attempting to give them the privacy they don’t care much about having when I hear them speak.
“I’ve missed you today,” I hear her say and then the sound of another kiss.
“It’s been a crazy fucking day, as you can imagine.”
“Right, he thinks they’re together? It’s already fucking with her head.”
I realize this is probably a time for me to chime in, so I stand and make my way over to them. “It is not!”
“Yes, it has, and if it’s not, I give it ‘til the first time he calls you Livi.”
A flutter ripples through my stomach as I remember the way my nickname rolled off his tongue, the way it used to. “Oh, he already did.”
“God, no wonder you’re asleep at his bedside. He’s already sucking you back in!” Alyssa exclaims.
“He is not! But I was with him for almost nine years and we’ve been apart for six months. I’m allowed to still have feelings for him, Alyssa. You have no idea what I’m feeling. And now, he’s hurt and he doesn’t remember anything. He’s looking at me how he used to look at me. You should have seen the look on his face when I told him we weren’t together. When I told him he cheated on me. I’ve seen him devastated. And this is right up there with losing his dad.” I shake my head at my best friend who I know means well, but frankly coupled with my extreme physical and emotional exhaustion is irritating the shit out of me. “I’m not taking him back or thinking everything’s fine just because he can’t remember. I’m not so delusional to think we can just pretend it never happened because he doesn’t have any memory of it, but I’m allowed to feel confused, Alyssa. Stop judging me over it.”
She takes a step back, her demeanor drastically shifting before my very eyes. Fuck, now she’s upset. “I’m not judging you, Olivia. But he broke your heart and I had a front row seat to it. I would never judge you, but I’m not going to sugarcoat anything with you either.”
Wren hangs back, listening intently but not intervening. He’s in a tough situation being best friends with my estranged husband and married to my best friend. Sometimes I want to wrap him in a hug and apologize for the fact that he’s very much caught in the middle.
“Listen, it’s late,” he interrupts, as he sees Alyssa shutting down. He wraps her in his arms and presses a kiss to her temple. “Baby, you’re running on no sleep and so am I. I have rounds in two hours though, so I’m going to just grab a nap in the on-call room.”
“You’re not even coming home with me?” Alyssa turns in his arms and a pout finds her lips. The exhaustion must be weighing on her too because I note her eyes become glossy.
“I just…I need to be here for this.” He nods towards the door. “He’s like…my brother.” I feel my lips turning up in a smile over Wren’s ability to always want to do good by everyone.
“Wren…”
“Lys, I know how you feel about him, believe me, I do, but not only is this my job, but he’s family. So, I’m going to go take a nap in the on-call room. You’re welcome to join me.” He presses a kiss to her lips and gives her a side smile. “You know which one.”
She puts her hands on her hips as he walks away. “Leave the door unlocked,” she calls after him and a giggle falls from my lips as Wren holds a thumbs up over his head. She turns to me and her eyes float to Bennett’s room. “So, you’re staying?”
“Yeah, just until…I don’t know, he can go home. Or he’s more settled. I would hate for him to be here all alone, confused and hurt. And yeah, Lys, I love him. I’m angry and hurt but those feelings haven’t gone away yet. I’m trying, though. I swear.” I bite my bottom lip. “I just wish it didn’t hurt so much.” Fresh tears swim in my eyes as the pain of all the loss I’ve suffered in the past two years comes barreling towards me. It hits me like a tidal wave, pulling me under and knocking the air from my lungs, when suddenly I feel relief—my lifesaver in the rocky waters of my life.
Alyssa’s arms wrap around me and she squeezes. “I know, Liv, I know,” she murmurs. “I can’t even imagine what you’ve been through.” She pulls back and rests her hands on my shoulder before cocking her head to the side. “You’re the strongest person I know.”
“Hardly.” I snort.
