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“God, you’re hateful,” I whisper. “I am sorry your son fell for me.” And it’s true. I’m sorry. It certainly would have saved me six months of what was quite possibly the worst pain I’ve ever felt. “Really, I’m sorry, but we are over. So, you’re getting your wish.” I nod at her.
“That’s not what Bennett wants,” Wren growls. “And frankly, Caroline, he’d be about ready to throw you out of here for speaking to Liv that way, so cool it.” He rubs at his jaw and shakes his head. “You’ve become impossible since Mr. C died, and it’s awful and sad and I know you’re hurting, but lay off.”
“Don’t be rude, Wren.” She glowers at him like he’s a child, but Wren stands his own.
“Oh, hello pot, I’m kettle, pleased to meet you.” He raises an eyebrow at her as if to scold her right back. “I’m going to take Olivia in to see her husband because that’s what Ben would want.”
She huffs and rubs her hands down her vintage Dior black dress and sits on the bench. “I’ll wait here. If you could bring me some water though, that would be wonderful. Preferably a Perrier?”
I let out a sigh as I follow Wren into the dim, stuffy room. The shades are drawn, and it’s nearing dusk in September, which means it’ll be dark within thirty minutes. The soft hum of the monitors is the only sound in the room other than my heels clicking against the floor as I move closer to his bedside. There’s a bandage wrapped around his head, a few cuts and bruises on his cheeks, but for the most part, his face is unscathed. I note a nasty burn on his neck, assumedly from his seatbelt and I wince as I run my fingertips over the skin. Various cuts and bruises scatter his arms, and I’m grateful that he doesn’t have any broken bones. “Oh, Clarke.” Immediately, my brain recognizes the nickname and the fact that I haven’t called him that in months. When we were dating, I called him that, and it just stuck even though I now share his last name.
Well not for much longer.
“We thought we needed to intubate him, but he’s breathing fine on his own. He’s going to be okay, Liv.” I feel Wren’s hand on my shoulder. “I’m going to go deal with the ice queen out there and give you a minute.”
I wait until I hear the soft click of the door shutting before I succumb to the tears I’ve been holding in and let them slide silently down my cheeks. “I’m so angry at you,” I whisper, grateful to have this time to speak what I’m feeling without his reply. “But you’re not allowed to die.” I look towards the monitors that are beeping monotonously. “You’re not allowed to…” I let out a breath. “Well you left me already but as angry as I am, I don’t want you to die. I want you to be happy,” I add and that’s taken months of self-reflection and meditation and the most expensive therapist in the tri-state area for me to get to this moment.
I want you to be happy.
Even if it’s not with me.
A commotion outside the door has my mother-in-law pushing through the door and Wren shooting me a look. “You cannot be in here if you are going to act like this,” Wren tells her. “I will have you removed.”
“It’s fine.” I wipe my eyes and nose and move slowly towards the door when I hear my name whispered so faintly. Under normal circumstances, I may not have heard it, but my ears, my body, my heart are so trained to hear this name, I could probably hear it even if he only thinks it.
“Livi.”
The goosebumps rise all over my arms and legs instantly, that one word, chilling me to the bone but also setting me ablaze. He always called me Livi. It was his thing, and it made me feel special that he called me something no one else did.
I swallow hard, turning slowly and meeting those familiar green eyes that I hadn’t seen since our last mediation over a week ago. I can’t stop the smile that pulls at my lips to see that he’s awake and more importantly, alive. Or possibly because he’s staring at me with those eyes I know all too well. A gaze so intense, it’s like he’s almost afraid to blink for fear that I’ll disappear.
“Oh my God, Benny!” Our moment is interrupted by his mother, of course. And I blink away from him, to watch as his mother bombards his space and all but throws her body on top of his. “My sweetheart, you’re okay! You’re alive! I was so worried.” She pulls back and holds his face, doing her best to turn his gaze towards her, but they’re still locked on me. I nervously look at Wren, hoping that he’ll say something to break the tension, but he just alternates from staring at Bennett and me.
Well, someone speak? Besides the wicked witch of the Upper East Side that is.
“Why are you all the way over there?” He nods at me. I can see the hurt in his eyes and hear it in his question. He winces slightly as he turns his hand palm up, assumedly so I’ll hold it and I move a little closer to not make the situation more tense.
I guess the man did just come out of a coma, I suppose I could hold his hand.
I slide my hand into his and instantly feel that spark that’s never seemed to wane between us. His hand is large and warm wrapped around mine as his thumb rubs my knuckles gently. I drop my gaze to where our hands are adjoined.
How is it that something so simple can have me feeling like the walls are closing in?
I suddenly feel too hot and the energy swirling around me is almost stifling. Even though my heart is broken, and my brain comprehends this, my hormones are raging and my sex pulses slightly. It’s like my heart and sex are at war with each other over which could beat faster, and right now, my heart is losing badly.
“What the hell happened?” He looks at me, his eyes tracing me over. “You weren’t with me.” It sounds like a statement of relief, but also a question.
I shake my head. “I—I don’t know exactly what happened. Wren may have a better explanation.”
“Right. Car accident,” Wren chimes in, “and we can go over all the details of what this means for you because you did give us quite a scare, but for now I need you to look into this light for me.” He brushes past me, but Bennett refuses to let go of my hand.
His gaze is still fixed on me, despite Wren flashing a small flashlight into his eyes and tension zips through my body as his green stare into my brown. I feel like I’m starting to get light headed by how little I’m breathing. I let out a breath and try to pull my hand from his when he grips it tighter, his eyebrows furrowing deeper. “I need a moment with Olivia.”
“Ben—” his mother starts and his gaze snaps to hers angrily.
“Mother, I’m fine. You can see that. I just need a moment alone with my girl.”
Caroline’s eyes flit to me, and for a second, I peer over my shoulder, wondering if his girlfriend has somehow manifested.
