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“Because…” Her bottom lip quivers and I feel the tightness in my chest, just as I always feel when I see Maddie cry. I want to pull her into my arms and absorb all the pain she’s feeling.
Fuck. I need her. I want her to rub her tiny body against me until it hums with need and want and desire. And then when she’s on the edge waiting to jump, I’ll fuck her so deep, wringing every ounce of pleasure from her until she forgets about this argument. Forgets about our judgmental family who we’ll probably lose in the light of our relationship.
But we’ll be okay.
I want to show her with my mouth and my hands and my dick that I’m all she needs. That I can be everything for her. Always.
That my love for her is unconditional.
“Because,” she continues, “you don’t feel what I feel. If you did, you’d understand. Instead, you’re looking at me with judgment and disgust. You think it’s wrong because you don’t understand it. You’re looking at me like…you don’t love me anymore, and that’s never been the deal. Not with us. I’m still me, Aria.”
“Ma…ddie.” Aria chokes out and takes a step towards her just as Maddie takes a step back, shaking her head as if she doesn’t want her to touch her. The pain is written all over Aria’s face, watching her choose me and us over her.
“You said hurtful things. To me and to…” she bites her bottom lip and looks at me, “the man that’s always loved me and put me first. Cal would never hurt me. You can’t be so angry you can’t see that. That you can’t see that learning to navigate this relationship is difficult enough for both of us without you being on our side.”
“Because it’s unnatural!” Henry jumps in and Aria puts her hand up to silence him.
“Maddie…” Aria starts when Maddie puts both hands up in surrender.
“I’m not having this conversation with you anymore. I get that you don’t support it, or maybe you will one day. Maybe all you need is time. That’s also fine. But in the meantime, I want space.”
“What?” Aria’s eyes find mine before shifting back to Maddie.
“If you can’t respect my choices as an adult, if you can’t respect my relationship with the man I love, then…” She shrugs and I can see the pure sadness over potentially losing Aria, but I know it’s easier than the tradeoff.
Losing us.
A part of me breaks for her. Breaks for the girl that loves Aria so much, the woman that has been her mother and friend and sister all rolled into one, and it will hurt her beyond measure to not have her in her life.
But Aria is right, not having me would destroy her. Hell, it would destroy me too.
“I think everyone just needs to take some time to cool off.” I look at Maddie who looks like she’s seconds from losing it, and I finally do what I should have done the second Aria flew off the handle. I cross the room and pull Maddie into my arms completely ignoring everyone else in the room. I needed a second of peace amongst the chaos.
“You ok
ay?” And it’s as if those two words coupled with my arms around her causes her to lose it because she wraps her arms around my neck and pushes her face into my chest.
“I want to go. Please.” Her voice is so quiet, I’m sure I’m the only one that heard her.
I rub her back and press my lips to the top of her head ignoring the prying eyes of my entire immediate family. “You don’t want to stay?” I cup her face and she shakes her head, as black streaks fall down her cheeks.
“I just want to be with you,” she whispers. “I can’t…do this.”
“Go upstairs, I need to set a few things straight here.” She nods and when I squeeze her hand, she looks up at me. “All the way upstairs. No eavesdropping.” I don’t kiss her because I’m not ready to share that part of us with my family, and I’m grateful that she doesn’t push for it.
I turn my eyes back to them, and particularly Aria and Henry when I hear Maddie moving up the stairs. “You’re either with us or you’re not, but I’m not doing this shit with you every time we’re in the same room. So, either you check your issues at the door or…don’t come around.”
“Fine with me, I don’t want to be witness to your perversions.” Henry walks by me and I shake my head.
“This holier than thou bullshit is actually getting old, Henry. Maddie isn’t my daughter and she’ll be eighteen tomorrow. Stop turning this into something it’s not. Stop making this into an ugly thing. You should know by now that I would never put Maddie in harm’s way intentionally. But I do love her and I’m not giving her up just because you two can’t be adults. You need to grow the fuck up.” I don’t wait for them to respond before I’m out of the room and up the stairs to find my girl.
IT’S BEEN A WEEK SINCE Christmas, and more importantly, a week since I’ve seen or spoken to Aria or Henry. I was half expecting Aria to have reached out by now to talk, but it’s been radio silence. With each day that passes, I feel even more guilty for not trying to mend the rift between us. She couldn’t ignore me forever, right? The only communication has been a text on my birthday telling me she loves me.
My response went unanswered.
The next day my birthday gift, two tickets to see a local band we both love, arrived in the mail. But the note attached said she understood that I would probably rather take Sasha. I cried for four straight hours after that. I felt like I lost my mother and best friend and sister all rolled into one.
I was up half the night packing most of my things in preparations to move to Margie’s house, before collapsing onto Cal’s bed wrapped in his arms letting myself fall into an exhausted sleep. I wake up to the feeling of him stroking my hair and I dread opening my eyes because it means it’s morning and more importantly that I have to go.
