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I shake my head. “No, just the opposite. He had to prove to himself that he wasn’t gay.”
He frowns and waits for me to continue.
“If a woman came onto him, he had to go through with it. He couldn’t knock her back because, in some sick way, he thought that was confirmation that he was, in fact, gay” Julian runs his hands up my thigh, waiting patiently for me to tell him the full story.
“He would come home and confess everything to me. Then he would be disgusted with himself and beg for my forgiveness.” I narrow my eyes as I remember the horror of living that life. I never knew what the day would bring. Stability wasn’t an option. “We would both go back to his therapist for an intensive couple of weeks. He would be fine for a while… until it happened all over again.”
“How many women did he sleep with while he was with you?”
“Too many,” I admit in a whisper. “Towards the end, I just couldn’t deal with it anymore. I knew he was broken. I knew that he loved me. But what about my heart? I deserved better, you know?”
He nods, his eyes turning sad. “How did it end?”
“He worked in the city. Things had always happened there so he kept it completely separate from me. Nobody ever knew. Hell, I wouldn’t have known if he didn’t come home crying guilty tears every time and confessing his sins.”
Julian exhales heavily.
“Then one day he slept with a girl I knew. She knew we were together.” I frown and my eyes fill with tears. The pain is still as raw as the day I found out. “He crossed the line with her. Everyone knew her and me. They thought it was the first time he’d strayed, but little did they know I’d been suffering alone for three years while I tried to save him.” “God, Bree,” he whispers.
“It would have been easier to leave, but he was so broken. I thought if I couldn’t help him when he loved me that much, nobody would be able to.”
He stays silent.
“I couldn’t save him,” I whisper with regret. “I had to cut all ties in the end because I couldn’t deal with him constantly begging me to come back. I couldn’t deal with the guilt I felt.”
Julian listens, his eyes penetrating mine.
“After I left, he went totally off the wall and just started fucking everything that moved. He’s had two overdoses since.”
“Fuck,” he whispers as he picks up my hand and kisses it.
I think for a moment. “A lot of people said I was weak for staying with him.” “You weren’t.”
I exhale heavily. “That’s when I decided to just be happy and grateful for every single day.”
He rolls over to face me. “So, I guess you’re done with damaged men?” His eyes search mine.
I smile down at him and softly kiss his big beautiful lips. “I’ve got room for one more.”
He kisses me, and as if he is overloaded with emotion, his face creases against mine. I don’t know what the hell his story is, but I need to find out.
My phone rings at exactly 11:00 a.m. and the name Mr. Masters lights up the screen.
“A daytime phone call? This must be important,” I tease as I answer it.
“Very funny,” he mutters, unimpressed.
I smile. “How can I help you, Judge Masters?”
“Do you have any plans tonight?”
“No.” I bite my bottom lip as my heart dances to the sound of his voice.
“Would you like to go to a fundraiser thing with me?”
“I would. Like… on a real date?”
“Like… on a real experiment.”
