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Charlotte
I lie in the dark, sprawled on the sheets that still smell of him.
But he’s not here.
I’m trying my hardest not to think the worst, but he came back here to get the key today when I wasn’t home. It’s the only explanation. Nobody else would have taken it. Nobody else even has a key to this apartment.
I have an ache in my throat from holding back all my tears. If I allow myself to cry, I will lose all control and howl to the moon all night long.
Well, Charlotte, you wanted an adult relationship, and you got one.
Warts and all.
Part of me wants to forget that I even know about the damn key, to listen to my gut and trust him.
The other part of me, my brain, wants to get dressed and go and wait at the bottom of the elevator so I can catch the bastard red-handed when he slips out of there in the morning.
If he wanted her, why isn’t he just with her?
Why would he pursue me if he wanted her? Why would he stay here every night? I don’t understand.
The sex. It has to be about that. The sex they have must be incomparable to what he has with me. I get a sharp twist of pain in my heart as I imagine him with her, naked and hard. Does he kiss her the way he kisses me?
I angrily swipe the tears from my eyes with the back of my hands. He told me that the last time he was with her he imagined he was with me.
Does he imagine her when he’s with me?
I close my eyes, tasting bile. The thought is sickening. My mind goes back to the conversation I had with Lara on that first night when she told me who Spencer was.
“Mr Spencer. Don’t bother even looking at him,” Lara said.
“Why not?”
“He’s the most eligible bachelor in London, and an appalling rake.” She raised an eyebrow for effect. “He’s loaded… and I don’t just mean his wallet.”
I close my eyes in disgust. I was warned. Many times, I was warned, but like a moth to a flame, I had to have him anyway.
Do they make gentle love, or does he fuck her hard? I get a vision of him naked again. And her… she’s beautiful. I bet she’s even more beautiful naked.
I clench my jaw so hard, my teeth ache.
My fury begins to pump, and I angrily swipe the tears away again. How dare he do this to me? How dare he throw me to the side as soon as she comes to town?
He made me feel so special, and then to lie to my face… oh, this is a different type of betrayal than I’ve ever felt before. This one hurts.
I roll over and punch the pillow hard, and that’s when I hear the door downstairs. Huh?
I sit up to listen.
I hear keys hit the side table, and I glance at the clock. It’s 10:10 p.m.
He’s here.
I quickly wipe my eyes and lie back down, pretending to be asleep. My heart is beating so hard, I lie in the silence and I screw up into my pillows.
Stop it, stop it, stop it. Don’t let him see you weak.
I lie with my back to the door on my side. When he walks in, I can feel his presence.
