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I’ll get through this, I know I will.
I need to talk to Spencer, but I feel too weak to do so at the moment. I know if I see him now, he will somehow talk me around. I don’t have the strength to say what I need to say without crying and begging for him to turn back time.
To be honest, I don’t know if I ever will.
His love was perfect. It was something I feel I was meant to experience.
But that was before.
We were supposed to be leaving for Santorini in three days. I get a vision of us laughing and driving around on motorbikes the last time we were there, and I close my eyes, hating the way my chest constricts.
How do people do this? How do they bounce back?
I’ve always heard of people going through a bad breakup, but until you’ve actually had your heart ripped out and stomped on, you have no idea of the enormity of it.
It’s like the world is ending.
William needs me today. He’s spending Christmas without his son.
I know the fight they had last night was over Spencer. I heard his name called out as they yelled at each other from upstairs.
I think seeing Spencer opened a can of worms for William. How do you move on when you’ve seen another person making love to your wife? When that person turns up years later as your baby sister’s new boyfriend? It would have to mess your mind up.
I know mine is completely scrambled.
The bitter taste of betrayal fills my mouth.
He had sex with Penelope… more than once.
I could never look at him the same again. He is forever tainted in my eyes.
I keep getting a vision of them naked together, again and again, as if I saw it with my own eyes.
It’s making me sick.
“Charlotte,” my father calls from the hallway of my house. He’s been staying with me since this all happened. I think he’s scared to leave me alone. Scared of what, I’m unsure.
“Yes, Dad.”
He comes into view, peeking around the door. “Merry Christmas, my darling.”
I smile and my eyes fill with tears. He’s the one man I can always rely on.
“Merry Christmas, Dad.”
* * *
“You know what?” Lara says. “I’m glad this happened. At least now we have proof of what Edward and your father have been saying all along.”
I roll my eyes. “Not helping, Lars.”
We’re sitting out on the front porch of my house on December 26th.
Lara and Beth have come over to try and cheer me up… I think at Edward’s insistence, although Lara is not doing a very good job of it. I had one of the worst days of my life yesterday.
Christmas without Spencer.
“Bullshit. How could you say such a thing?” Beth snaps at her.
