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A sinking feeling of regret sits deep inside my stomach. Disappointment and sadness all rolled into one heavy lead ball rest there. I let myself fall in love with him. I knew he had earned his reputation and I didn’t care. I jumped in head first, ignoring every warning that was given to me. I never thought his past could hurt me the way that it has. Never in a million years did I see this coming.
My boyfriend slept with my brother’s wife….it doesn’t get more headline worthy than that.
I miss him, still. I miss him so much, it physically hurts my chest. How am I supposed to live without his love?
But every time I get a vision of my beautiful Spencer, I see him with her. It’s all I can see. A dark black cloud hangs over him. It’s like my memory of him isn’t just him anymore. She’s intertwined like a poisonous vine strangling the life out of our love. I’ve relived every sickening moment he spent with her, over and over in my mind. I get visions, vibrant visions of him naked… with her.
Hard… for her.
Did he fuck her the way he fucks me? What positions did they do it? Penelope is beautiful and she has an amazing body. It’s a body I’m sure pleasured him immensely.
How many times did he come?
Oh God….
I blink, knowing there is no cure for this heartbreak. I can’t get my head around it. I will never get my head around it.
Spencer Jones is forever tainted in my eyes, I’ll never look at him the same again.
And it hurts….so much so, that it’s unbearable.
My phone buzzes next to me and I glance over to the table. An unknown number is calling.
It’s him.
I blocked Spencer’s number on that very first night when he was calling me nonstop. But every day he has sent me a message from a new phone number. I don’t know if he’s buying new phones each day or going through every one of his friends’ phones.
Either way, his texts hurt.
I sip my cocktail and stare out over the water, just in time to see the eagle make her move and swoop down. She reappears a few seconds later with a large fish in her beak.
Success, I smile sadly. At least someone around here is getting what they want. I exhale heavily and open the message that’s waiting for me.
Dream catch me when I fall.
Tears well in my eyes.
The words are so fitting now.
I wish I could text him back, but I’m angry. I’m angry at him, angry at myself for not being able to move past this… just so angry.
He has fallen and I can’t fucking catch him.
How dare he ask that I do?
I frown and stare out at the sea, and a second text arrives. Damn it, I forgot to block the number straight away like I normally do. I click it open.
Don’t leave me.
You said you loved me.
I hit block caller and I drain my glass.
“I did love you, Spencer,” I whisper angrily. “But that was then and this is now.”
This is not going to stop. These texts are doing my head in and are no good for me right now.
I take the SIM out of my phone and put it into the glass of iced water that sits beside me. I watch it float from side to side before it sinks to the bottom.
