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He smiles and nods. “Hi, Natasha.”
“I was wondering if you know if Joshua is at work today.”
He looks uncomfortable. “I believe so ma’am,” he nods. Hmm what in the hell does that mean? He’s obviously not sick, yet he hasn’t called me back. Maybe he’s getting cold feet about our relationship. I try to calm my nerves and the sick feeling in my stomach. I hate depending on someone so much and we have come too far to be playing games now.
“Thank you Max.” I march back inside with renewed purpose and ring Adrian who answers on the first ring.
“Hi, Tash.”
“Hi,” I snap. “Can you put Joshua on the phone please?”
He stays silent and after a minute whispers, “Sure, baby, I will get him.” I hear him hold his hand over the phone and walk into Josh’s office. “It’s for you.”
Then I hear Josh’s angry voice snap, “Stanton.” I stay silent as I listen to the anger in his voice. What in the hell is going on with him?
“Josh, it’s me.”
He inhales and I can hear he’s shocked that I have tricked him by ringing Adrian’s phone.
His voice softens. “Hi precious, are you ok baby?” He’s not angry with me—I can hear it in his voice.
“What’s going on? Why haven’t you called me back?” He stays silent. “Josh, I asked you a question. Answer it.”
“Natasha, I’m very busy. I can’t talk.”
“Don’t you dare very busy me. What the fuck is going on?” He stays silent and I know I have shocked him with my screaming anger. “What time are you coming over tonight?” I ask. Again, silence. Ok, I am getting seriously pissed off now. Who in the hell does he think he is? “Answer my question.”
“Tash, I have to work tonight, I’m not coming over.” Now it is my turn to stay silent. He doesn’t want to see me—my stomach drops. “Tash just…just know that I love you and I only want what’s best for you, ok.” I frown, he’s talking riddles. What is that supposed to mean?
“What’s best for me, Josh, is to not be away from you.”
“That’s debatable,” he whispers.
“Just come over when you finish work and we can work it out baby, ok?”
I can hear him thinking. “Bye Tash.” And he hangs up the phone.
It’s twelve o’clock and I am wide awake, heartsick but awake. Joshua hasn’t called me or come over and I am beginning to think the worst. If I wasn’t waiting for him to come over I would be driving around spying on him. Where is he? What is he doing? And what has changed so dramatically between us that he can’t talk to me and tell me what’s going on? I hear the key in my door and I lie still with my heart trying to pump through my chest. He came. He fusses around in the kitchen for a few minutes and I hear him put his keys and wallet on the side table. I’m not angry anymore, I’m freaking out. I don’t want to be a drama queen but my gut feeling is that something is seriously off between us. He walks over to the side of the bed and turns the side lamp on. I lie still as I watch him, unable to pretend that he hasn’t upset me. He gives me a sad smile and bends to gently kiss me on the lips as he brushes the hair back from my face and sits next to me.
“Hi, my beautiful girl,” he whispers. That is all it takes and I grab him into a tight embrace.
“Josh, please talk to me, you promised me honesty.”
He nods. “I know presh.” I frown. He bends and gently kisses me again, his tongue lingering in my mouth. “I love you,” he whispers. “That’s the honest truth, does that count for anything?” Tears fill my eyes.
“Are you mad at me Josh? Have I done something to upset you?”
He smiles at me. “No, baby, you have done nothing wrong. Stop worrying. I’m here now.”
I cuddle him tighter. “Baby, you’re scaring me—you’re acting weird.”
He nods and smiles. “I am weird. Are you just figuring that out?”
I giggle as I hug him just that bit tighter. “Take your clothes off and get into bed, Josh. I’ve missed you today.”
He smiles into my neck. “Same,” he whispers. He takes off his clothes and lies on his back next to me and I look at him with a puzzled face. Is he not touching me?
“Make love to me, Tash. I’m going to lie still. I want you to touch me like you love me.”
