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“Hot flush,” I murmur.
She screws her face up in question. “What?” she mouths as she frowns at me. I shake my head to try and signal for her to shut the fuck up, he’s watching. I look up again and see a trace of a smile on his face. Bastard, he’s doing this on purpose. He knows he’s affecting me. Christ, why am I such a loser? Gran distracts me and takes my hand, thank heavens for Gran. I give her a weak smile as she pats the back of my hand. The service begins and I am of course totally distracted. I am not even looking at the bride and groom. My eyes are fixed on one person only. Every now and then he looks at me and our eyes meet, but he pulls away every time. He’s absolutely beautiful—it hurts just to look at him. The priest signals it’s time for me to do a reading. Shit, what if I can’t talk? I shimmy out and head towards the steps when Joshua comes over and offers me his hand, and as I grab it he squeezes it hard. Once again I am reminded by a strong jolt of sexual energy that he zaps me with. I gasp and look up to see him smile a small satisfied smile. Shit ok, he’s affecting me. Its official, I don’t have one cool bone in my body. I may as well be an open book. Please ground, swallow me up now. Why in the hell am I so physically affected by this man? It’s abnormal. I blow out a breath and start my psalm reading with goose bumps scattering all over my body.
I hope my nipples aren’t on high beam in the house of god. I am achingly aware of his carnal searing gaze fixed upon me. As I read I see through my peripheral vision that he looks me up and down three times that I count. He clenches his jaw and moves his head to the left side as if trying to crack his neck whilst not taking his eyes off me. I can’t help but let a small smile slip. I know this move, he’s always done it, and it appears he hasn’t broken the habit. He does this when he is aroused. When we were together he would do this when he saw me naked or in a swimming costume. My insides do a little jump for joy as it becomes clear to me I still do it for him. Thank god, operation slim down has paid off, and all those gym visits are having the desired effect. I feel a little of my confidence return. I finish my reading and go to return to my seat and he holds out his hand to help me down the stairs, he squeezes it again and I feel the heat emanate from his body. I smile at him but he doesn’t smile back. What in the world is going on here?
As I make it back to my seat the bride and groom and party move over to the side to sign the marriage certificate, Bridget frowns at me.
“What?” I whisper.
She leans in and looks around to make sure no one else is listening. “Why was he looking at you like that?”
“Like what?” I whisper.
“Like he was going to bend you over the church pew.” I open my eyes wide at her to signify shut the hell up.
“Well?” she asks again.
“Don’t be stupid,” I snap as I rearrange my dress.
“I mean it,” she says. “And you, you were all flustered.”
“I was nervous, that’s all.”
“Bullshit,” she whispers. “I can smell his pheromones from here.”
I can’t help it—I smile.
“What’s funny?” she whispers. For some strange reason I want to laugh. It feels good talking about this to Bridge, even though I have to deny it.
“So how did they smell?” I whisper.
She frowns at me and I raise my eyebrows. “The pheromones, ho
w did they smell?”
“Fucking awesome.” We both giggle and then she winks. “Too bad he’s off limits.”
Oh yes, I forgot to mention a small detail, a detail I try and not give too much thought to because it does my head in every time. Joshua and I share more than a history, we share blood. We are first cousins. His father and my mother are brother and sister, so when I tell you I can’t have this man,
I truly mean it.
Chapter 3
The family photos outside the church are a painful reminder of just how closely Joshua and I are related. His younger brother Cameron comes up behind me and grabs me in an embrace and spins me around.
“Tassshhh,” he laughs as he pulls me under his arm and kisses my hair. I smile and put my arm around his waist. This is a normal cousin relationship. A distasteful thought flashes through my mind as the word incest rolls my stomach. My God, how can I be so physically attracted to a relative, and I’m not imagining it. It’s overbearing. I have never experienced it before. It’s as if my body has a spiritual connection with his and my mind is being totally left out of the equation, making no sense or reason. I frown as I sum up the events so far and I’m shocked to my core. I knew I found him attractive before. But now, now the attraction is unbearable.
Josh comes over and kisses Bridget. “Didge,” he smiles. This is the pet name the Stanton boys call her.
She grabs him in an embrace. “Josh,” she laughs. “I’ve missed you.”
He smiles, “Of course, who wouldn’t,” he winks.
She rolls her eyes. “You still have tickets on yourself.” They both laugh as she slaps him. My mother comes over and grabs him in an embrace. I can’t hear what they are saying but she has her hands on his cheeks as she speaks. My eyes are transfixed as I watch the comfortable interaction. This is the first time as an adult it is actually sinking in, fuck we are related. My family love him too. I’m such an idiot. After a minute of speaking to my mum he turns to me and dips his head.
“Natasha,” he smiles and gives me a kiss on the cheek. He rests his hands on my waist as he pulls me into him. I lean into him and put my hands around his neck. His lips linger a little too long on my cheek and my heart stops. I close my eyes as I try to control my breathing before I gather my senses and pull away. We have a familiarity with each other that is still present. I know he feels it too, as he rubs his forehead with obvious discomfort. Discomfort at what our body language has just revealed to each other without a word spoken.
Two men are with Joshua who I’ve not met before. He introduces them to Bridget and my mum and dad and then heads over to me.
