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“Out with what?” he snaps.
“Oh I don’t know, maybe Joshua for one.”
“I just don’t see why you can’t talk to him. Listen to what he has to say.”
I roll my eyes. “You know what Cameron? The time for talking was in the hospital before he slept with me. Before he lied to me.”
“Tash,” he stammers.
I cut him off. “Don’t you dare Tash me! I sat in that hospital room with a woman who he was sleeping with five metres away and you all knew it. You were all keeping his sordid little secret for him. You all make me sick.”
“I make you sick,” he snaps.
I raise my eyebrows as I take another sip of my coffee. “Yes, you do actually.”
He sits forward in anger and Bridget pipes up. “Let’s calm down, shall we?”
“Well, you make me sick,” he snaps. “You are the one that broke up with him and broke his fucking heart and then he fucks up once and you dump him again. What the hell is that?”
Abbie puts her hands on her head in a panic.
Steam starts to pour from my ears. “Fucking up Cameron is forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning, forgetting an anniversary or maybe forgetting to pick the kids up from soccer practice. Putting your dick inside another woman is a bit more than fucking up asshole!” I sneer as my anger hits crescendo.
“Sssshhh,” Bridget snaps as she looks around the room to see if anyone can hear us.
“You sshh Bridget. How did you think this conversation was going to go? You all are taking his side and blaming me for this. I did nothing wrong, I demand honesty because that’s what I give and I damn well deserve better,” I stammer.
They all sit silent, their eyes planted firmly on me. “Tash, we are not taking his side. This is not a cut-and-dried case,” Bridget whispers.
“I know that.” I lean back on the chair and put my hands over my face in frustration.
“Tash, he hadn’t heard from you in over two months,” Bridget whispers.
“Because I was devastated. I had just killed my father. Cameron, you were there with me, you saw how I was when you would visit. Was I really in my sound mind?” I demand.
He drops his head. “No,” he whispers. “You didn’t kill him Natasha.”
“I know you all love Joshua and you are trying to help. I love Joshua, I will always love Joshua but he doesn’t love me the way I need to be loved.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Cameron snaps.
“I tell you what love is, Cameron. I went out with a man for two and a half years who loved me and I could not bring myself to physically have sex with him,” I whisper.
His silent eyes watch me as he drinks his coffee.
“You want to know why?”
“Enlighten me,” he sneers as he raises an eyebrow.
“Because I was still in love with Joshua. I stupidly felt that my body belonged to him and I could never betray him like that. Seven years. Seven fucking years Cameron I watched him sleep with every woman in the United States and still I couldn’t even sleep with my own boyfriend,” I snap.
“That’s not his fault. That was your decision,” he asserts.
“Precisely, just like this is my decision. I don’t want the life Joshua is offering. The women, the partying, the coke friends. It’s all bullshit, I don’t want any part of it.”
“Joshua can’t help his past. That’s not what he wants now.” Cameron shakes his head in frustration.
“For now, Cameron, that’s not what he wants for now. You know when I was a little girl I dreamt of a man that loved me Cameron. Never once in my dream did my hero say to me, sorry I slept with that other women … it was an accident. The sex meant nothing. Sex does mean something to me and if I’m unforgiving to someone who gives it away so easily then that is my decision and I expect you all to support me as your friend and not just Joshua. You have no idea the suffering I am going through and for you all to sit there and judge me and call me cold breaks my heart.” My eyes tear up.
