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November 12
Dear Diary
I have been in tears all day and couldn’t go to work. It’s Joshua’s birthday today. Did she make him a cake? Did she sing happy birthday to him? I went to Oscar’s today while Max stayed outside, ordered a cupcake and then sat on my own and cried as I ate it. I’m fucking losing it.
Happy Birthday my beautiful Lamborghini. I miss you.
December 17
Dear Diary
It is one week till Christmas. I heard Mum crying tonight when she went to bed. Her heart is broken because of me. I killed my father, I pushed away the love of my life and now he’s with her. I hope he’s happy. Are you happy Joshua? I hope this has all been worth it. I have to put up the Christmas tree tomorrow and all I really want to do is burn the fucking thing down. Maybe I might move to London, I need a change.
December 26
Dear Diary
I cried most of yesterday—it was a bad day for all concerned. I have started eating for China or Willy Wonka… not sure. I rang Joshua last night, but he didn’t answer—as if he would. I need to move on. I need to get over this. Millions of people go through relationship breakdowns every day and they get through it. I thought Cameron and Adrian might have called me—they didn’t. Figures. Bridget and Abbie and I are going to the beach today with Abbie’s army guy. Can’t bloody wait. I’m thinking of getting a kitten.
December 31
Dear Diary
It’s New Year’s Eve and I know he’s fucking with her. I hate him. His life has not changed and mine is in tatters. I have been dancing all night with Gran and Mum to Beyonce. Tomorrow I start a new year and I am not doing another year like this one. Bridget just called me and tried to get me to go the Ivy but I’m going to bed. It’s 12.30. Bring on the next year.
January 15
Dear Diary
I have been going out—it’s actually ok. I have even had coffee with Jes a few times. It’s been fun. It feels good to laugh again. Jeremy admitted he has been seeing someone from work and he and Bridget broke up. She went on a date with someone else a week later—why can’t I do that? I need to sleep with somebody else.
February 14
It’s Valentine’s Day. Who invented this shit?
I got roses from Jes and asked on three dates. It’s been six months since I last saw Joshua but I am still not ready, I’m staying home and eating Ben and Jerry’s instead. Joshua will probably propose to bitchvet today. She can have him.
Six months later
February 19
Adrian
Cameron pulls the car into Joshua’s driveway. It’s eight in the morning and we have just trained at the gym after Cam finished a nightshift. It’s a habit we have got into—get it out of the way early.
“Seriously, my arms are shaking. There is no way he can lift that.” Cameron shakes his head.
“He does. I watched him the other night,” I murmur as I open the back car door to retrieve my bag.
“He has to be juiced up. No one can bench press that.”
“Probably, where do we get some of that shit? You’re a doctor, write us a script,” I say dryly as I start toward the house.
Cameron rolls his eyes. “I can’t wait to go to jail so you can have bigger biceps. Dick.”
I turn back to face him as he walks in behind me. “Can that happen? Just say you write a dodgy script, would you go to jail?”
Cam screws up his face. “Yes, of course. What do you think?”
